A MIL and a dog one......

[MilDog]

I know how much MN like to MIL bash and how divided the opinion on DDogs can be, so I'm steeling myself.....

Background on MIL:
Absolutely lovely woman who I love to bits and she's like a second mum to me.

I can count on 1 hand the number of disagreements we've had over the 20 odd years DH and I have been together. But, for all we get on, we are different personalities and have very different views on life.

Her only downside is that she can be very opinionated and the kind of person who doesn't take well to people disagreeing with her opinion. If I'm brutally honest, the reason there have probably been so few disagreements is because DH and I know when to pick our battles.

Background on DDog:
DDog is a year old and an absolute baby. I am not kidding on this, every morning he needs a cuddle when we get up before breakfast.

He is a big softie and I've seen him stand there and do nothing when other dogs have been snarling and snapping at him. That said, he is a heavy set muscular breed and weighing in at almost 30kg he could do serious damage to another dog or person if he chose to.

DC is 12 and they are best mates. DDog takes more notice of DC than me or DH, he literally has him at a word.

The situation:
A few weeks ago I was out walking DDog and a child (maybe 9/10?) was riding a scooter on the pavement towards us. Despite me having DDog on a short leash walking at heel and trying to keep us both to one side of the pavement, the child rode flat out into us hitting DDog, running over his foot making DDog yelp (I'm fairly sure it was deliberate, no reason otherwise as there was plenty of room and he could've slowed down to pass us).

No drama, but I did have a word with the child and told him to be a bit more careful in future.

A couple of days later same child went to do the same thing again, except this time DDog saw him coming and immediately started growling and snarling at him. I asked the child to stay back until we had passed as clearly DDog was frightened but the child ignored me, got off his scooter, walked straight towards us and put his hands out to try and stroke DDog, who at this point was still snarling and growling and baring his teeth!!

I ended up walking into the road to move DDog away from the situation.

It upset me because as I said, he's usually such a big softie especially with children and he's been around other children since the first incident and hadn't reacted at all. I contacted our dog walker (who is a behaviourist) and had a chat with her, she re-assured me it was a pure fear response but still we've arranged for her to do some sessions with me and DDog to try and get him over this fear and help me distract him and keep him calm if we are ever in a similar situation.

The MIL/DDog problem:
DH and I are supposed to be going to an event this weekend that means we'll be out from around 6pm to 11.30pm (but only 20 minutes from home). DC is quite happy to stay home (lots of family and friends within 10 minutes of our house if needed in an emergency), we've arranged to have him a takeaway delivered from our local place (where the owners know him and us) and dog walker is coming to take DDog out between 7pm and 8pm, after which DDog will do his usually sleep on the sofa and refuse to move.

But MIL has decided that DDog can no longer be trusted around DC and is coming round to sit with him.

Now, normally I couldn't get too worked up over this and this is a perfect example of where I would usually smile and nod and just let her crack on.

However, she is bringing DN with her as she is babysitting for the night. DN is younger than DC and a bit of a handful and DC has said he doesn't want DN here. I think he feels like his "grown up evening" is being ruined and he's a bit gutted.

My second issue with is that DN is not too keen on DDog, not full on fear but nervous because of DDogs size and having not been around dogs very much. DDog can get very boisterous when we have visitors (think of a toddler who's been fed 1kg of sweets) so he goes in his crate - I don't really want him locked in his crate most of the evening while DH and I aren't here!!

My AIBU dilemma:

1. Do DH and I put our foot down and tell MIL she is not to come round with DN, which will probably cause an unholy row and potentially could make life difficult for a while.

2. Smile and let her crack on to keep the peace - and also maybe I am BU leaving DC13 alone with DDog??

For full disclosure, we didn't actually tell MIL about our plans, no reason other that it just hasn't come up but she asked DC about it and it's him she's told she's coming round - she had t actually said anything to us (which I suspect is because she knows we'll push back....,)

What the hell do we do and are DH and I BU????

who bloody knows what was going through the child’s mind when he approached a growling dog baring its teeth at him with his hands outstretched, despite the owner’s instructions to stay back and STOP. Doesn’t much matter, does it?

I doubt very much that is what happened somehow, it’s more likely that the boy approached the dog and then the dog growled and snarled etc only someone with a death wish would go to stroke a dog that had already shown aggression to you a couple of days before.

Put your foot down!!
This is not her decision to make at all

And jeez pp that saying that your dog cant be around your kid because it growled at a kid.... it want just any kid. It was an annoying on. That pushed boundaries
Dog simply said: no more. But it cant speak so it growled.
Perfectly normal.

I should proof read

“If OP liked to keep anthrax and tarantulas in her house it's still not MILs place to parent OPs son.”

I know you’re exaggerating for effect, but I would Intervene if I thought a child I didn’t know was at risk-never mind a child in my family!

I doubt very much that is what happened somehow, it’s more likely that the boy approached the dog and then the dog growled and snarled etc only someone with a death wish would go to stroke a dog that had already shown aggression to you a couple of days before.

You know what, I think you’re absolutely right NoSauce. Of course! That must have been it. How silly of me to read the OP and react to the information contained in it, from the person who was there and saw the whole thing. No, no, you’re right - the dog is a danger to all children everywhere. Not the boy’s fault at all, I can see that now. I’m picturing it in my mind, poor misunderstood child just wanting to stroke the dog he’d hurt before, after he’d cried himself to sleep the night before after being spoken to by the OP about the silly way he’d behaved. I expect he even came prepared with a dog treat and the awful slathering beast didn’t even give him a chance at all, while its feckless owner failed to keep control of it because her whole family has babied it and failed to teach it basic pack hierarchy. No idea why I didn’t get it before, silly me.

Let’s agree to disagree, eh? I can’t take any more speculation!

This thread is spiralling out of control 😂 I do hope the OP comes back and updates us all.

NoSquirrel come on now, have you ever seen anyone approach a snarling, growling dog baring it’s teeth to give it a little stroke? Think about it for a minute.

Think about it for a minute.

Nah. Can’t be arsed.

Can’t be arsed or can’t admit that you haven’t?

NoSauce said:

I doubt very much that is what happened somehow, it’s more likely that the boy approached the dog and then the dog growled and snarled etc only someone with a death wish would go to stroke a dog that had already shown aggression to you a couple of days before

The OP who was actually there said:

A couple of days later same child went to do the same thing again, except this time DDog saw him coming and immediately started growling and snarling at him. I asked the child to stay back until we had passed as clearly DDog was frightened but the child ignored me, got off his scooter, walked straight towards us and put his hands out to try and stroke DDog, w9ho at this point was still snarling and growling and baring his teeth!!

It does sound like Ddog "immediately started growling and snarling" at the child before he "got off his scooter, walked straight towards us and put his hands out to try and stroke DDog" from what the OP said.

And Goose, you're right. The thread is spiralling out of control.

Is it because it's a bank holiday?
I suspect I'm only knocking around here due to that.

only someone with a death wish would go to stroke a dog that had already shown aggression to you a couple of days before.

But @NoSauce that's not what happened. Try giving the OP another read.

only someone with a death wish would go to stroke a dog that had already shown aggression to you a couple of days before

You’re right the last part is incorrect. It still doesn’t take away the fact the boy approached a dog that was growling, snarling and baring its teeth, which I find pretty strange.

Don’t you?

*You’re right the last part is incorrect. It still doesn’t take away the fact the boy approached a dog that was growling, snarling and baring its teeth, which I find pretty strange.

Don’t you?*

Not really. Kids do stupid, impulsive things. 10 year old boys are some of the worst. They act before engaging their brain.

ILoveYou3000 (love the name btw!) my brother is 26 years old and that describes him perfectly! 😂

Kids do do stupid things definitely, but trying to stroke a dog that’s growling, snarling and showing you his teeth would be asking to get your hand bitten off.

Are kids that stupid?

@GoosetheCat thanks! I love yours too, he ranks in my top 5 Marvel characters I think.

And yes, that also describes many members of my family and social circle, ages 8-73 (my dad is the worst! 🤦🏻‍♀️). I didn't want to generalise though by saying "males" as I know there are plenty of sensible ones out there 😁.

@NoSauce yes some 10 year olds are. Well, perhaps not stupid, more impulsive. They don't think through the consequences of their actions.

In this case it sounds like the boy in question lacks respect for the dogs personal space and failed to grasp the warning from both the OP and her dog.

Hope OP and her OH are enjoying their night out, and their ds and dog are being given the space that sensible 12 year olds, and their dog, need.

OP's question wasn't about whether her ds would be safe with her dog. OP obviously knows her own ds and her dog! It was more about the interference from her MIL, who had some ridiculous idea that bringing herself and young child into a situation that wasn't required, or needed.

Please come back and update us OP

I know you’re exaggerating for effect, but I would Intervene if I thought a child I didn’t know was at risk-never mind a child in my family

Sure, I hope we all would. In this case the only thing the poor kid is at risk from is an interfering family member and her other uninvited guest.

Dutch1e

I know you’re exaggerating for effect, but I would Intervene if I thought a child I didn’t know was at risk-never mind a child in my family

Sure, I hope we all would. In this case the only thing the poor kid is at risk from is an interfering family member and her other uninvited guest.

That's okay then. You know that DDog is guaranteed to be safe.

I couldn't read his mind or predict his behaviour in all circumstances, so I would still be wary.

Pointlessly, as it seems.

Sorry to niggle, but have you met DDog?

If not, how can you - personally - know he's no risk?

Sorry to niggle, but have you met DDog?

None of us have so I'm taking OPs word for it.

I don't see any problem, you just say babysitting won't be necessary.
Why does she get a say in what you do?

None of us have so I'm taking OPs word for it.

So, okay, yes, it's fine for OP to assume DDog is harmless to DS.

I was just saying that you can't know that DDog is no risk.

But, fair point. I'm sure OP is telling the truth (there's no reason not to) and she (knowing DDog) can tell DDog is no risk. I just wish I knew how people can be sure that dogs will be no risk in any circumstances.

I don't think I could be sure even with humans.

Maybe if I was more of a "dog person" (as it were) I might know.

It'll be OP's and DS's problem if it's not the case.

I'm sure it all went fine.
Genuinely hope it did.

Your house, your rules.

Your house, your rules.

Absolutely.

Also, your child; your problem to deal with if a dog bites them.

I suppose I don't believe that you can tell that any dog will always be a big softie just because it's always been up until the time it bites someone.

My grandmother's dog was a big softie right up until the time it leapt up and bit me when I was five and walked past her into the kitchen.
No, I didn't touch her, it came out of the blue. I got the use of my hand back though so that was good news (the bite went through some tendons)

The grandson of someone with whom I worked was less lucky, sadly. He (at 18) still has quite bad scars on his face from the time the family's soft cavalier King Charles spaniel turned on him when he was in his carry cot.

I don't think dogs are inherently vicious but they can be unpredictable.
They're only human canine.

Of course dogs can be unpredictable. The same can be said for humans.

I'm sorry you were bit, especially that young. It must have been frightening and been awfully traumatizing. I've been bit quite a few times myself, it's never pleasant.

That being said, you can't go around presuming all dogs are ticking time bombs and are just a step away from turning. This dog reacted to being put in a situation where it previously got hurt. It was (more than likely) frightened it was going to be hurt again.

No matter what the OP decided to do, she decided with her DS in mind.