A MIL and a dog one......

[MilDog]

I know how much MN like to MIL bash and how divided the opinion on DDogs can be, so I'm steeling myself.....

Background on MIL:
Absolutely lovely woman who I love to bits and she's like a second mum to me.

I can count on 1 hand the number of disagreements we've had over the 20 odd years DH and I have been together. But, for all we get on, we are different personalities and have very different views on life.

Her only downside is that she can be very opinionated and the kind of person who doesn't take well to people disagreeing with her opinion. If I'm brutally honest, the reason there have probably been so few disagreements is because DH and I know when to pick our battles.

Background on DDog:
DDog is a year old and an absolute baby. I am not kidding on this, every morning he needs a cuddle when we get up before breakfast.

He is a big softie and I've seen him stand there and do nothing when other dogs have been snarling and snapping at him. That said, he is a heavy set muscular breed and weighing in at almost 30kg he could do serious damage to another dog or person if he chose to.

DC is 12 and they are best mates. DDog takes more notice of DC than me or DH, he literally has him at a word.

The situation:
A few weeks ago I was out walking DDog and a child (maybe 9/10?) was riding a scooter on the pavement towards us. Despite me having DDog on a short leash walking at heel and trying to keep us both to one side of the pavement, the child rode flat out into us hitting DDog, running over his foot making DDog yelp (I'm fairly sure it was deliberate, no reason otherwise as there was plenty of room and he could've slowed down to pass us).

No drama, but I did have a word with the child and told him to be a bit more careful in future.

A couple of days later same child went to do the same thing again, except this time DDog saw him coming and immediately started growling and snarling at him. I asked the child to stay back until we had passed as clearly DDog was frightened but the child ignored me, got off his scooter, walked straight towards us and put his hands out to try and stroke DDog, who at this point was still snarling and growling and baring his teeth!!

I ended up walking into the road to move DDog away from the situation.

It upset me because as I said, he's usually such a big softie especially with children and he's been around other children since the first incident and hadn't reacted at all. I contacted our dog walker (who is a behaviourist) and had a chat with her, she re-assured me it was a pure fear response but still we've arranged for her to do some sessions with me and DDog to try and get him over this fear and help me distract him and keep him calm if we are ever in a similar situation.

The MIL/DDog problem:
DH and I are supposed to be going to an event this weekend that means we'll be out from around 6pm to 11.30pm (but only 20 minutes from home). DC is quite happy to stay home (lots of family and friends within 10 minutes of our house if needed in an emergency), we've arranged to have him a takeaway delivered from our local place (where the owners know him and us) and dog walker is coming to take DDog out between 7pm and 8pm, after which DDog will do his usually sleep on the sofa and refuse to move.

But MIL has decided that DDog can no longer be trusted around DC and is coming round to sit with him.

Now, normally I couldn't get too worked up over this and this is a perfect example of where I would usually smile and nod and just let her crack on.

However, she is bringing DN with her as she is babysitting for the night. DN is younger than DC and a bit of a handful and DC has said he doesn't want DN here. I think he feels like his "grown up evening" is being ruined and he's a bit gutted.

My second issue with is that DN is not too keen on DDog, not full on fear but nervous because of DDogs size and having not been around dogs very much. DDog can get very boisterous when we have visitors (think of a toddler who's been fed 1kg of sweets) so he goes in his crate - I don't really want him locked in his crate most of the evening while DH and I aren't here!!

My AIBU dilemma:

1. Do DH and I put our foot down and tell MIL she is not to come round with DN, which will probably cause an unholy row and potentially could make life difficult for a while.

2. Smile and let her crack on to keep the peace - and also maybe I am BU leaving DC13 alone with DDog??

For full disclosure, we didn't actually tell MIL about our plans, no reason other that it just hasn't come up but she asked DC about it and it's him she's told she's coming round - she had t actually said anything to us (which I suspect is because she knows we'll push back....,)

What the hell do we do and are DH and I BU????

No matter what the OP decided to do, she decided with her DS in mind.

That is of course true. And of course she has her son's and DDog's best interests at heart.

I suppose I have a bit of a knee-jerk reaction to phrases like "big softie".

Humans have been described as "quiet and shy" when they've turned out to be serial killers.

But of course we can't just expect the worst of all humans or animals.
And if humans put their mind to it, they can be a lot worse than animals.

I suppose I think that animals, on the whole, can less easily be reasoned with than humans and will react a lot more quickly on instinct. Even if they're sorry afterwards.

I completely agree that humans are easier to reason with. Animals are, at the end of the day, instinctive creatures.

I know that l, stereotypically, serial killers have been described as quiet and shy. But many have been confident, charming, and centre of attention.

I guess at the end of the day we can't tar any species with the same brush and just take each person/creature on their own merit.

I guess at the end of the day we can't tar any species with the same brush and just take each person/creature on their own merit.

Absolutely true

Coming from a dog lover perspective, I see a lot of common sense in previous posts. As a family we have owned dozens of dogs over the years, and it is true that a family pet, no matter how dopey and cuddly, IS capable of turning for no apparent reason. I was mauled by our large breed dog when I was 7, we had him from a pup and he was like a large teddy bear. As kids we were taught how to behave around dogs, but it still happened.
I also owned a big soppy dog in my 20's that had to be destroyed as he suddenly bit a family friend's little girl who was well known to the dog and had done nothing to upset him.

Hasnt put me off dogs, but no matter how lovely they are, I am cautious and watch my own pets when they interract with other animals and children. If I were in your shoes, I would not allow the dog to become excited around MIL and DN, without me being there. If you are confident that your DS can handle the dog then that's your call, but I would definitely not allow visitors without my supervision. Dogs can and do, act differently when owners are absent. I think you are doing all the right things, by recognising that this new ' out of character ' behaviour needs to be addressed, (albeit perfectly understandable), and I would keep his routine calm and supervised so the dog knows he is safe and not make him have to face any potentially frightening or anxious situations. Good luck, you sound like a responsible dog owner to me. X

Our event was last night so thought I'd come back and update everyone......

Happy to report that the dog has not eaten my child and all is well

MIL did pop in but literally for 10 minutes.

Dog walker said when she left dog and DC we're lying on the sofa settling in to watch a movie.

When we got home at 11.30 dog was snoring in his crate and DC was snorting in his bed

Excellent news!

Great to hear OP

Excellent news and entirely as expected

Good on your DS for surviving the terror of being home alone for a few hours

Good news OP.

"I am cautious and watch my own pets when they interract with other animals and children"

I think this is sensible. I love my dog but I will never trust any animal 100%. I don't agree that the OP's dog is dangerous and I would have left a sensible child with him. But I don't agree with the 'he's just a big soft lump' argument either. NO dog is 100% trustworthy. They can have triggers we don't know about, or they have a sore part, or they are sick and suddenly they get defensive. That's not a situation I'd ever want to put my kids in.

Every situation needs to be assessed differently though.

Glad you had a great night OP. My teens have never been mauled by our dogs when left alone. They all usually play on xbox, watch TV or sleep. Teens, on their own, are not very exciting lol!

Sorry OP. Igno
I mentioned in a recent thread that my niece was bitten last week by a dog that the owner said ‘doesn’t bite’. My niece was holding my hand and the dog bit her on her leg
I would not be leaving my twelve year old alone with a dog that has shown that it can be aggressive .

I’m glad your night went well!

I must admit to getting frustrated at the posters intimating that your dog was suddenly going to attack your dc (who clearly adore each other) just because your dog dared to react with fear and prevent themselves being hurt again!

Goodness knows what people would have thought of ds- who had an experience as a toddler when a westie tried to attack him, luckily he was right next to me and lifted him straight up into my arms and used my leg/ foot to keep the snarling and snapping dog at a distance. Cue six months later when another westie ran at ds barking and he automatically put his foot out like I had done, only to get a massive row from the dogs owner and be made to look like a future serial killer. Ds adores dogs, we have two now and he would never dream of hurting a dog, he reacted in fear justifiably so.

Your dog had even more reason to react this way as he was hurt by the scooter! I would be telling the parents that if their ds deliberately tried to ram my dog again then I would call the police!