To have not appreciated the responsibility of getting a dog

[FirTree31]

After looking for over a year I found the dog for us last week. She is a five month old hound and beautiful, she walks to my heel, recalls (although struggling with distractions slightly), sits, is loving and affectionate. We have really bonded, and we start training on Friday.

However, I am a lone parent to two boys, one just started school, and I work four days a week (I was on AL all last week and working two days this week). She is still anxious, following me most of the time but is getting more confident every day. I thought I would be able to leave her in the house and have a dog walker in a few times a week, but now, I'm not sure, she's too young to leave and doesn't have that disposition. I didn't appreciate how much I really need someone here to help. My eldest walk her in the morning, and she has the run of the back garden, but I'm worried about winter months when he won't want to because it's dark. Day care will cost me £250 a month, which I cannot afford, walkers will cost £160. I am so upset, I don't know what's best. I want her to be happy, I want to keep her, she was very very wanted.

Can I just ask, how do people juggle this? I don't want us to miss out on yet something else because I'm alone.

Being solely responsible for a dog is really hard work. Not something I appreciated. When there are 2 adults in the house, they can share the work, the walks etc. Single adult households - its all on us!

As she gets older and settles in, you should be able to leave her alone for longer periods, so the cost of a dog walker etc won't be forever.

She's only been there a week, and that's scary for any dog, let alone a 5 month old.

Whats your working hours per day?

I'm almost in tears because I'm so anxious and feel like such a failure. Leave the house around 835, home about 545, so it's all day, I can't take her to work with me as I'm in HR and it's non stop, so I couldn't even pop out to the car.

Where do you work? Can you pop home at lunchtime and take her out? How long will she be left for?

It sounds as though she has a lovely home with you. Personally I would leave her and get a dog walker as planned and see how she goes

What time do your dc get home? Will she be totally alone all day?

Do you know a responsible teenager you could pay to take her for a walk?

Dogs are really expensive unfortunately.

You’re totally not a failure. You obviously really care about the dog and are taking the responsibility seriously.

She sounds a poppet, but im.not sure wtf you were thinking getting a puppy when you work full time and cant afford daycare? What were you going to do with it during the day?

Didn't the seller / rescue place go through all this with you? They really should have.

How long are you out of the house for every day? Can you get back during lunch break at all? One of my near-neighbours does this, and then walks the dog after work.

But is your elder son old enough to look after the younger one while you walk the dog? He can't be doing all the walking and picking up poop, surely?

To be brutally honest I think you need to find the money for daycare or send her back. You can't leave a puppy home alone all day.

DC are at after school club until 545. My office is a 40 minute drive so I can't pop home. I had this image that a dog walker would come in and everything would be great, but I just don't think she can be left until walker arrives. Day care I'm primarily concerned about the price, but also because she can be submissive/anxious around other dogs.

X-posted a lot there!

In the looking for a year, what actual plans did you make that weren't fantasy about fluffy puppy cuddles?
Surely a cat would suit your lifestyle better?

Can you take her back?
It doesn’t sound like it’ll work out and you’re probably just prolonging the inevitable at this point.

8 hours is do-able for a dog that doesn't have separation anxiety and has a large enough bladder, but you will have to build it up gradually.

So ideally 2 home visits during the day - 11.30 and 2.30 and see how she gets on. Then you can change it to one visit midway through. Then, depending on the dog, you may be able to drop that one too.

Whilst you are only working 2 days, build up her alone time - so put a baby gate across the door, and place her in the room with a chew/kong. Walk around the house, in and out the room, up and down the stairs, making noise but ignoring her. Do this quite a bit so she learns you are always coming back. Then go out the front door, shut it, come back etc etc In and out all the time until she barely notices it. Keep the session short and when you have done it for about 10 minutes, choose a time when she is quiet and settled to go back in the room and give her some attention.

Dog walker I can afford, that's okay, I'm just worried about her during the day. Everyone, including breeder told me she would sleep during the day.
I don't expect eldest DC to do all walks at all, he takes her out first thing for a wee and little stomp/play. Then she has garden, then we all take her out at night. Although because I've been on AL we've just been with her all day, we've been to parks, the beach, a castle, we've had a great time. But yes shame on me because I thought she'd fit in and have a walker

You can't keep her, because you can't provide what she needs.

You'll have to give her back. It's only been a week, so while it's not great it's not the end of the world for the dog.

I just don't think she can be left until walker arrives Why? What happens when you pop upstairs to the toilet etc? Does she cry, or toilet in the house?

Dogs do settle down a lot as they got older however it is a rare dog that can be left for more than 4 hours at a time. You could try something like
www.borrowmydoggy.com/. You may get lucky and find someone who would be free during days but doesn't want full time care.

I think in the short-term you need to suck it up for daycare, and juggle some stuff financially.

She is young yet, so getting her well socialised now at a decent daycare will be an investment - make sure they are a good place with plenty of places/opportunities for the less outgoing dogs to destress.

Start leaving her for short periods now and invest in a camera so you can spy on her and see how she reacts.

We did manage to get our anxious dog ok to be left for periods of time but from time to time we still get destructive behaviour, especially when it's really windy.

I'm not sure when you've got time to do this but we had to build up leaving him from a few seconds, to a few minutes etc to the point where he was Ok for a few hours. We had to think really carefully about how to help him and relax our rules, so for instance he gets to lie on our bed when we go out which he isn't normally allowed. We always have the tv or radio on because otherwise he will react to every noise outside. We have to close all windows. We have to lift bins up high or he will spill them. We limit our comings and goings to try and avoid leaving him alone more than once per day as he doesn't like it when we pop in and out, even for short periods.

This is 6 years in and I don't like having him to be honest with you, and I won't be getting another when he has gone.

Everyone, including breeder

Of course the breeder told you that. The breeder wanted to make a sale.

I'm kind of stunned you thought it would be OK to leave a dog all day and that it would just sleep while you were out. You've had a year to research this and think about it and only now are you starting to realise it might not work?

You've only had this dog a week, so of course she is following you everywhere. She's in a new environment and still finding her feet and will of course be worried and uncertain of herself at this point. She will get more confident over the next few weeks and hopefully you should be able to introduce a dog walker.

My eldest walk her in the morning, and she has the run of the back garden, but I'm worried about winter months when he won't want to because it's dark.

He doesn't have a choice. The dog's needs must be met. He doesn't get to say he 'doesn't want to' take it for a walk because it's dark and wet. Dogs aren't fair weather distractions, they're a daily commitment for the whole family.

Not very helpful really, but I am also a single parent to 2 children and there is no way I would get a dog, as much as would both love one.

I have enough on my plate w/o the responsibility of a dog and it wouldn't be fair on the dog.

I am really surprised the seller didn't explain all this to you.

My dog is now 6. She is left most of the day. Outside, she has the run of the garden which is big, and undercover area on driveway. She sleeps most of the day when we are at work (we put CCTV cameras up to keep an eye on her).
She gets lots of walks though - at least 30 mins before work, again as soon as I get home, then another 2 or 3 shorter ones in evening.
On leave at moment so she has me for company all day :) and OH works from home at least one day a week normally.

I should add that pp are exactly right when they say about kennels. Our dog could never be left in kennels die to his temperament. We are extremely fortunate in that we have older teenage relatives who are happy to stay in our house and look after him if we go away. Without this, we simply could not go anywhere overnight.