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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not appreciated the responsibility of getting a dog

191 replies

FirTree31 · 19/08/2019 15:06

After looking for over a year I found the dog for us last week. She is a five month old hound and beautiful, she walks to my heel, recalls (although struggling with distractions slightly), sits, is loving and affectionate. We have really bonded, and we start training on Friday.

However, I am a lone parent to two boys, one just started school, and I work four days a week (I was on AL all last week and working two days this week). She is still anxious, following me most of the time but is getting more confident every day. I thought I would be able to leave her in the house and have a dog walker in a few times a week, but now, I'm not sure, she's too young to leave and doesn't have that disposition. I didn't appreciate how much I really need someone here to help. My eldest walk her in the morning, and she has the run of the back garden, but I'm worried about winter months when he won't want to because it's dark. Day care will cost me £250 a month, which I cannot afford, walkers will cost £160. I am so upset, I don't know what's best. I want her to be happy, I want to keep her, she was very very wanted.

Can I just ask, how do people juggle this? I don't want us to miss out on yet something else because I'm alone.

OP posts:
ThighThighOfthigh · 19/08/2019 15:32

Tbh i don't think you're in the right place in your life to have a dog. It might be better if you joined borrow my doggy and borrowed someone else's dog and gave yours back.

I waited till i was able to work from home, i just don't think dogs are happy being left for long periods of time.

Icecreamsoda99 · 19/08/2019 15:33

Is there no way you can make some cuts in other areas to have the extra £90 for day care, at least when she is a puppy? I've never heard about dogs sleeping all day, cats yes but dogs no. Hounds are more active as well I though as come from working dogs.

iabvvu · 19/08/2019 15:33

Check if there are any local Facebook groups, or use the nextdoor app to find maybe a local teenager who wouldn't mind popping in a couple of times a day. I do it during the holidays for a bit of spare money but mainly because I love dogs but can't have one of my own so it's a win-win. Or maybe try borrowmydoggy? Hope you find a solution!

SolitudeAtAltitude · 19/08/2019 15:33

What kind of hound?

My hound sleeps a lot during the day tbh since she is grown up.

Walking properly before work, even if dark or wet, and a dog walker mid day would work for my hound (greyhound cross)

Summerunderway · 19/08/2019 15:34

Have you any nice sah neighbours?
Maybe a school leaver?

bluebluezoo · 19/08/2019 15:34

Short term, daycare, as pp have said.

Long term, look at borrow my doggy, or ask around the local neighbourhood. See if there are any elderly, student, or otherwise SAH people that might want the companionship in the day, but not the commitment of ownership.

LochJessMonster · 19/08/2019 15:35

I leave my 6 year old dog for 8 hours and he is absolutely fine. He grabs the treat off me, retreats onto the sofa then stares at me until I leave.
I use to come home during my lunchbreak but he ignored me and carried on sleeping so I felt like I was disturbing him.

Even if my housemate comes home early, he won't go upstairs with her, he'll carry on sleeping/looking out the window until I get home.

Its all about routine and building up the time.

Branleuse · 19/08/2019 15:35

If its asleep for the 9 hours a day you are out of the house, do you also expect it to sleep at night

BeerandBiscuits · 19/08/2019 15:38

Very irresponsible of the breeder to sell a puppy to someone who's working long hours 4 days a week. You can't leave her for over nine hours Shock. Even with a dogwalker going in she'd still be on her own for too long.
Poor dog. As you got her at 5 months she's probably already been returned once Sad.

BlueSkiesLies · 19/08/2019 15:38

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FrangipaniBlue · 19/08/2019 15:39

OP she will be fine through the day with a dog walker!

The best thing you can do is crate train though, more for her own safety than anything else.

We brought FrangipaniPup home at 4 months (Friday) and left him straight away from the Monday so that he would not get too used to having us around all the time.

He's left from 8am - dog walker comes and takes him out at 10.30 for an hour and either her or FIL pop in to let him out in the garden again around 1.30/2pm we get home anywhere between 4&5.

He's now 11 months old and properly set in his routine, even at weekends it's
7am breakfast, back to bed
10.30am walk, back to bed
2pm pee, play
5pm eat, play
7pm walk
8pm collapse on sofa
10pm bed

Grin

He doesn't not cope well in day care or kennels (breed known to pine and be very attached he'd to owners) but he is absolutely fine and happy as Larry home alone!

sonjadog · 19/08/2019 15:39

The dog hasn't been with you more than a handful of days. Her whole life has been turned upside down and she has no idea why. It is very natural that she is being clingy at the moment. She will probably calm down but it will take weeks and possibly months. I was told a long time ago that it takes about 6 months for a rehomed dog to settle into a new home, and I have found that is be true for all the rehomed dogs I have had.

Can you find a solution for her for the autumn? That will give you some time to get her used to living with you in general and staying at home.

BeerandBiscuits · 19/08/2019 15:44

I leave my 6 year old dog for 8 hours and he is absolutely fine.

Good to hear LochJess but not helpful as the OPs dog is a 5 month old puppy.

KT2019 · 19/08/2019 15:45

You need to research and put into practice techniques for keeping the dog entertained whilst you are at work so she doesn't develop separation anxiety and become destructive. Kongs, crate training and lick mats etc are all useful.

Dog walker will be good for routine and socialisation, maybe get them to do 2 walks to start with and see how the pup gets on/whether you can scale back to one.

It's early days so you haven't had a chance to get into a routine yet, and see how the pup will react. Not all pups will be happy with this lifestyle, others will be perfectly happy once they get into a routine.

I personally wouldn't have gone for a pup and would have adopted an older dog so that you a) already know its temperament and how it'll react to being left alone for short periods and b) less energy /less needy generally, but you are where you are so that doesn't help now.

Give it a bit of time and see how you get on, a week isn't long enough to know how it's going to work out for you all. Fingers crossed for you!

LochJessMonster · 19/08/2019 15:45

@BeerandBiscuits that was in reply to another poster who said no dog can be left for that long.

I've been very helpful up thread with training and schedule ideas!

MyKingdomForACaramel · 19/08/2019 15:45

She’s still a puppy so is naturally clingy, most dogs are fine to be indoors during the day with a dog walker at lunchtime (that’s generally less than 4hrs on their own).

Try leaving her for a short period and invest in a camera they’re fairly cheap. See how she does - you may be surprised.

Summersunshine2 · 19/08/2019 15:46

Have you rang the breeder to see if they will take him back?
You need to find out if this is even an option.
I take it he has already been returned once due to his age?

SweetNorthernRose · 19/08/2019 15:51

When you say hound do you mean a sight hound (greyhound/whippet etc)? They are notorious for separation anxiety. We got our whippet x from a rescue at 4 months old and it took us almost a year to build up to being able to leave him for 4 hours or so. Luckily I work from home 3 days a week and he goes to day care the other 2 otherwise we'd have struggled to justify getting him. There is no way I could have just left him on his own for any significant period of time in the beginning...it's just not worth the potential harm you could be doing psychologically(not to mention to the furniture!) that would be even more difficult to undo.
I'd say sucking up the cost of day care to begin with might be the only option. The benefit your pup will get from socialising with other dogs is priceless, and a tired dog is a happy dog, as the saying goes (making the evenings much easier for you as well!). You could then think about changing to a dog walker once you've built up the leaving time to a few hours.

lpchill · 19/08/2019 15:51

Maybe see if you have any neighbours that are at home most of the time and have a dog to look after yours. I would as my little pup would love a play mate during the day but I won't get another dog. Could cost a lot less but then they wouldn't be professional dog walkers.

NoSauce · 19/08/2019 15:52

What made you get a dog in the first place? I don’t understand how you didn’t think about all these issues beforehand. I’m sorry you’re feeling crap but I think you need to re home her for her sake.

zafferana · 19/08/2019 15:53

It is a lot of work. My DPs have dogs and one of them always has to either be at home or not go out for longer than a max of 4 hours (and any info I've read about getting a dog - something we once considered and ruled out - says that you can't leave them for any longer than that so you need one SAH adult). It's a massive tie, but if you're going to be working then the only answer is either a dog walker or doggie day care. If you know right now that you can't afford either of those things and that you won't be able to leave this dog home alone then I would relinquish it sooner, rather than later. Since the dog was so wanted though I'm a bit shocked you didn't think this through BEFORE getting it.

cantfindname · 19/08/2019 15:54

My son has a six month old puppy and they work all day.

BUT he has a total of nine different people coming in at various times so, in reality, the pup is never alone for more than a couple of hours, three at most. Some bring their own dog to visit and they play in the garden, some take him for a walk and some just play with him. He is practically the 'community dog' The neighbours adore him and it has all worked brilliantly.

Is there any chance you could get neighbours on board to help, plus a friend or two? No need to walk him if you are going to when home, just to go and spend time and keep him company. A lot of people would love the chance to spend time with your dog... most of us love a puppy!

Sarahlou63 · 19/08/2019 15:54

Do you have an enclosed garden? If so can you fit a dog flap so that she can go outside during the day?

ShirleyPhallus · 19/08/2019 15:59

You’ve had a lot of useful answers here OP, I’d say much kinder than if you’d posted this on the doghouse board

Felicitycity · 19/08/2019 16:00

Sorry. In my opinion it is cruel to leave a dog alone for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. Even with a walk at lunch time. Dogs are social animals. I would only do that in an emergency on the odd occasion. They need company. Not just walks. Also I think you sound like a kind person, so it would prey on your mind.