To have not appreciated the responsibility of getting a dog

[FirTree31]

After looking for over a year I found the dog for us last week. She is a five month old hound and beautiful, she walks to my heel, recalls (although struggling with distractions slightly), sits, is loving and affectionate. We have really bonded, and we start training on Friday.

However, I am a lone parent to two boys, one just started school, and I work four days a week (I was on AL all last week and working two days this week). She is still anxious, following me most of the time but is getting more confident every day. I thought I would be able to leave her in the house and have a dog walker in a few times a week, but now, I'm not sure, she's too young to leave and doesn't have that disposition. I didn't appreciate how much I really need someone here to help. My eldest walk her in the morning, and she has the run of the back garden, but I'm worried about winter months when he won't want to because it's dark. Day care will cost me £250 a month, which I cannot afford, walkers will cost £160. I am so upset, I don't know what's best. I want her to be happy, I want to keep her, she was very very wanted.

Can I just ask, how do people juggle this? I don't want us to miss out on yet something else because I'm alone.

my dog was older than yours but similar in that she was very anxious and I worried about leaving her. I took a couple of weeks off work to settle her in, gradually started leaving her for longer periods to get used to it before I went back to work. First week back at work I went home at lunch every day to check on her (she was fine!) and after that the dog walker started.

She did whine the first few days I left her which was hard to hear but after that she settled. When I got my second dog we had no issues at all as he was happy to be left with her. Still kept the dog walker though.

Persevere it will get better but definitely use the dog walker to help out.

In your year of research why didn't you talk to someone who has a dog, or post on here? I doubt anybody would have recommended it.

She was walked before and after work and she was a delight. She will settle down, don't worry.

That's great it worked for your dog but it absolutely wouldn't work for everyone.

I work full time and pay for daycare although I do work at home as well.

My dog is ok for around 3 hours but for no longer and he is almost 3 years old.

At your puppies age I would definitely use daycare over a dog walker. Yes it's more money but you won't come home to pee/poo and or a wrecked house. When she is older you can review that and maybe drop to just a dog walker to save money.

There are plenty of lazy breeds that don't require long walks and don't suffer from anxiety. Unfortunately many first time dog owners choose a fashionable breed without researching its personality. OP either get a dog walker twice a day or return the dog.

I have a 10 month old puppy and hadn't thought about alone periods either. At 5 months was really only couple of hours, but by 7 he is fine for longer. He is a lazy guy now and wouldn't bother being alone all day. But definitely very easy to underestimate the responsibility xx

This is why I won’t get a dog. I really want one but I’m not prepared to give up holidays for 16 years+ or have the poor thing stuck in all day.

Firtree - I say this as kindly as possible - if you have doubts and are anxious then return her. Please don't underestimate the negative effects a pet can have on the family if it's a bad fit. And a dog can be for 10 years. It's possible the dog may cause months of worrying, through no fault of her own but because it's a bad fit. I think, from what you've written, you know what the right thing to do deep down is.

I don't think it will give a dog the best quality of life to be left for those long periods of time five days a week, and I also don't think it'll give your family the best quality of life as you'll be trying to manage on your own and the dog will be dominating everything. It's a huge amount of stress and money that can be spent elsewhere. I just don't think it's a good fit, as nice as the dog is.

If this particular breed especially has issues with separation anxiety and won't enjoy daycare with lots of other dogs around then I just don't see how it can work properly. The dog will be distraught at being left for 8 hours a day and may tear up your house but aside from that will cause so much worry and dominate everything. If you're that anxious honestly I'd invest the money in private counselling and try to get to a point where you feel more well, focus on your kids and doing stuff with them. It will be difficult every time you want to go away or when you have other commitments.

Good luck.

@AutumnCrow as I watch my neighbour leave for work everyday, my heart breaks knowing her massive bulldog is in a metal cage all day. I agree it shouldn't be allowed. Mine are only crated when we are on holiday and they stop at my mums as they mark on a night time due to the new environment. This is only for the nighttime and I still don't like it.

What about a run out the back garden for days you get a walker? Can get massive things like a shed that are insulated for cold n can have a/c for heat with a decent bit to run about in.. it’s not ideal but if it works it works. More secure than a flap and could put a camera outside to let you watch her.
Also the pp’s idea of Walker/daycare mix/relatives popping. Pop up a WiFi camera and nip out.. go to the corner shop and watch what she does.. ours bark if you’re in the garden because they can see us.

Realistically it’s not great when they’re left alone 8hours but many dogs will be and are all perfectly fine. I worked nights and they were always left 12hours.. went to bed an hour earlier than if I was at home and got up earlier.. strange how no one thought it was abnormal or cruel in person. Always checked that ndn’s hadn’t heard them bark all night and they never had, besides the only time someone tried the back door.. ndn caught them since he looked out hearing the noise. (I’ll add it was nothing sinister, old drunk who lived further up literally couldn’t remember his door so tried them all up to mine)

@justwonderingifi I know it's easy for me to say but I'd report her for that. That poor dog.

We bought a lovely big run for BastardPup, with covered kennel area. Would he bollocks go in it...

He feels secure in his crate - it is for bedtime and for when we go out. He know that he goes in and sleeps. In fact, if he has been at daycare, he often puts himself in there early.

When someone is home he alternates between his bed, the floor, the sofa or, as he is currently doing, flinging himself at the fences in the back garden. However, we can't leave him alone in the house with free run as he throws himself at the patio windows every time he sees a pigeon, a squirrel or one of our cats.

I am a sigle parent with DC and a full-time job, I was bought up with dogs. I would Iove a dog. I would love my DC to have the experience of having a dog in our family.

BUT a dog''s needs are more important than my wants, so I don't have one. Saying plenty of other people work full time and have a dog doesn't make it right. Most of those dogs will be bored and lonely and some may well have behavior issues.

You say you don't want to miss out on having a dog. Again that puts the focus back on your needs, not those of the dog. I would save a whole lot of heartbreak and rehome the dog now through a breed rescue centre.

Choose your pet to fit your circumtances. Yours are similar to mine. A one year old rescue cat (not a kitten if you work f/t), was a perfect match with our household and just as much at the heart of the family as any dog.

I still think returning to the breeder might be the best option given how stressed out you sound OP. But that said if you're prepared to combine dog walkers, dog sitters (the ones who will visit your dog in your home but not walk), Borrow My Doggy (my friend has 3 different folk who regularly walk her dog through that site) you might be able to make it work. You could also try Nextdoor (nextdoor.co.uk) - I've advertised on there recently to see if anyone local to me wants to drop their dog round with us sometimes during the day if they're working/unable to walk for health reasons or similar. I'm with our DDog 24/7 but thought he might love a bit of extra doggy company. There are some really good ideas on this thread anyway. I hope it works out for you either way.

Dogs should sleep for 16-18 hours/day.
Behaviourists see a lot of problems with sleep deprivation and anxiety in dogs. They don’t need to be entertained every minute. They need appropriate exercise and interaction and a safe comfortable space to relax.

Please start separation training your pup - teach her to occupy herself with a kong, Lick mat or puzzle feeder whilst you’re in a different room or you pop out. Gradually extend these periods of time, ensuring she’s been walked, fed and has something enjoyable to occupy her whilst you’re gone and you’ll fine sge’s fine Whilst you work

Mine happily sleeps for 18 hours a day but I still wouldn't leave him alone for 8+ hours five days a week.

He likes human contact. He wakes periodically to go to the toilet, to sniff around, to chase the cat, to bark at a bird outside. He also likes the occasional fuss and bit of attention. He wouldn't happily lie alone all day for eight hours. He'd want contact and some form of attention from someone. At 18 months I can leave him maybe 2 hours happily but any more than that and he becomes agitated.

Adult dogs probably can be left all day but it's utterly unfair to expect a 5 month old to be happy with that set-up.

@AutumnCrow
See post above

Mine happily sleeps for 18 hours a day but I still wouldn't leave him alone for 8+ hours five days a week.
Adult dogs probably can be left all day but it's utterly unfair to expect a 5 month old to be happy with that set-up

@adaline
I believe that’s the source of the OP’s anxiety and exactly why she’s planning To pay a walker....

I understand that, and I'm saying that even with a walker mine wouldn't be happy with that set up.

Plenty of people have posted on here (and post on the Doghouse) saying their puppies can't be left longer than an hour or two at that age because they get too distressed/toilet in the house/become destructive/bark constantly.

OP may well have a dog that's happy to be left but many aren't. She has also mentioned that the dog is a hound - if she means beagle/basset type then she may well struggle massively. Beagles as a rule struggle massively on their own and ideally need company in human or canine form. They are pack dogs, after all.

Plenty of people have posted on here (and post on the Doghouse) saying their puppies can't be left longer than an hour or two at that age because they get too distressed/toilet in the house/become destructive/bark constantly

Actually it’s really unusual for most puppy owners to engage in proper separation training - almost no one that posts for help on here seems to do it. Generally people take 2 weeks off work then go back and expect the puppy to adapt automatically then are surprised when they get bigger break out of the crate and are destructive. It’s totally predictable.

And dog ‘packs’ are a human construct. All dogs are social animals just like humans. And like humans they can learn to enjoy their own company if appropriately socialised to it.

Worth checking a few dog walkers to see how long the dogs are actually with them for. I'm unwell at the minute so I know that for his morning walk rookiedog was taken out at 9.15 and returned at 12.15, if he's there for morning and afternoon then he's generally returned about 4pm. A large amount of that time is probably driving to pick up and return other dogs, but rookiedog has a great time and slept most of the afternoon. Also remember that young dogs shouldn't walk too far because their joints are still forming, but dog walkers should have a strategy for that.

I think in this case as ddog is 5 months old he's already been bought and returned once which could exacerbate any separation anxiety. I do feel it's worth putting in time and effort in the early days as this will be repaid with a much more secure dog in the future. This may be controversial but I would say your money is better spent on ensuring adequate care at the minute, rather than training which you can do yourself, or wait until ddog is a lot more settled to start ( we did adolescent classes with Dogs trust when ddog was 9 months and they seemed fine).

I'm really sorry to say this, but in my opinion you should return the dog. She needs you there. You can't be there, therefore you can't meet her needs. She's likely to be miserable on her own for so long. It would be kinder to put her first and return her or find her a home yourself that would be better for her. I say this an experienced dog owner with children. Good luck.

I think the people suggesting returning likely have no idea of the impact of repeated rehoming in dogs with existing anxiety issues. It’s unlikely to be helpful for the dog in the long term

I'm really sorry to say this, but in my opinion you should return the dog. She needs you there. You can't be there, therefore you can't meet her needs. She's likely to be miserable on her own for so long.

Just out of interest, what is this based on? The dog hasn’t actually shown any signs of not coping or being distressed....

Absolutely not unreasonable to think this could work. Worth waiting to see how the dog actually is when left before making any hasty decisions maybe?
Our dog is left 8.30-6pm on weekdays. She has a dog Walker for 30 mins at lunchtime. She copes fine. We have a camera to watch her and I can say its very rare to see her awake on it! Although she does have plenty of puzzle toys filled with treats should she want something to do. Our dog is a rescue with lots of issues and she still has a very happy life with this arrangement.
Bit shocked at all the people who would say this is cruel!