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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not appreciated the responsibility of getting a dog

191 replies

FirTree31 · 19/08/2019 15:06

After looking for over a year I found the dog for us last week. She is a five month old hound and beautiful, she walks to my heel, recalls (although struggling with distractions slightly), sits, is loving and affectionate. We have really bonded, and we start training on Friday.

However, I am a lone parent to two boys, one just started school, and I work four days a week (I was on AL all last week and working two days this week). She is still anxious, following me most of the time but is getting more confident every day. I thought I would be able to leave her in the house and have a dog walker in a few times a week, but now, I'm not sure, she's too young to leave and doesn't have that disposition. I didn't appreciate how much I really need someone here to help. My eldest walk her in the morning, and she has the run of the back garden, but I'm worried about winter months when he won't want to because it's dark. Day care will cost me £250 a month, which I cannot afford, walkers will cost £160. I am so upset, I don't know what's best. I want her to be happy, I want to keep her, she was very very wanted.

Can I just ask, how do people juggle this? I don't want us to miss out on yet something else because I'm alone.

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 20/08/2019 11:52

Vanilla95
I’ve no idea how you thought your family could cope with a dog and after a year really should have identified these problems before you actually got the dog.

You would have been better to get a rescue older dog that would be happy to sleep all day and already used to being left.

I couldn't agree more. The thing is, had the OP tried to get a rescue dog, they would have quite rightly refused because she's out of the house all day.

Original poster
FirTree31 · 20/08/2019 12:19

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to comment.
She is a Bavarian. I have put her in the kennels/day care for a few hours today, we all went down yesterday with her as well. I have taken the rest of the week off.
There are quite a few tightly pulled up judgy pants wearers. People who post and seek help, for whatever reason, are not normally irresponsible, or in the least are looking to correct any irresponsible behaviour. The anxiety I feel stems through caring. I do now want to get a dog and have her sitting in a crate all hours (I work four days a week, not five). I will do a mix of day care and walker.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 20/08/2019 12:23

Tbh OP, you haven’t taken much of a kicking at all. I think the reason people get so irritated on these threads is the sheer number of people who post similar threads to this

A Bavarian is an incredibly social, loyal dog that suffers badly from separation anxiety. They are also very outdoorsy and active and need a lot of walking.

How much did you research the breed before you bought this one and why did you settle for this over something like a greyhound which needs far less exercise?

Branleuse · 20/08/2019 12:27

you havent got a kicking at all. i think people have gone easy on you because its clear that you care, despite having a less than ideal situation for keeping a puppy, but its not fine.
Do you think maybe changing your hours so that you did more shorter days? would be a possibility

adaline · 20/08/2019 12:37

Hang on, I don't think anyone has been uptight - they're being realistic. A quick google of a Bavarian Hound tells me this:

"They dislike being left alone for too long and are best suitable to a family with someone around for most of the day as they can suffer separation anxiety."

If I can find that with five seconds of googling, I'm surprised you didn't find it when you did all your research into the breed. Hounds in general are known for suffering from anxiety - historically scent dogs are pack dogs and are rarely, if ever, left on their own.

Our scent hound is 18 months and we could never leave him all day. Most beagle owners I speak to have said the same thing - they either need company (ideally in the form of another person), or daycare/walkers. Although some can be left, they are definitely the exception rather than the rule. Ours is happy for about two hours but after that he begins to pine and get distressed. He would certainly become destructive if we left him longer than he was happy with - if crated he would mess his crate, bark constantly, cry and make himself sick.

I'm glad you can make it work with dog walkers and daycare - that's the reality of most people's lives with their dogs. There's a reason dog walking is such a big business!

Actionhasmagic · 20/08/2019 12:42

An older dog would sleep and be okay with a walker but not a pup. Could you adopt an older dog instead and find the right home for this one? X

SunshineCake · 20/08/2019 12:49

@DimplesToadfoot - someone wanted you to pay them for taking their dog out?

Poltergeister · 20/08/2019 12:57

It all comes down to the individual dog.
Many dogs would not cope, however some thrive.
My dog is neither bored nor depressed - because of other issues we have a behaviourist who could confirm this. She is adored and doted on and is a very happy animal.
It needs to be managed on a case by case basis, but people need to watch their attitude when commenting on peoples animals wellbeing and situations when they know very little.

Exitstrategist · 20/08/2019 13:02

Hi- I appreciate you’re trying your best. But to put things into perspective I am at home full time and even still have plumped for a kitten rather than a puppy as I don’t think I have the commitment for a puppy with two small children. I wonder if this would be a better option for you?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 20/08/2019 13:08

I thought you were using 'hound' for greyhound or similar so was quite supportive in my earlier post. But WTF were you thinking? A Bavarian hound isn't going to thrive being left on its own, even with midday walking.

OrchidInTheSun · 20/08/2019 13:14

Take the dog back. They are a breed that need a ton of exercise and don't like to be alone. They're not the right dog for a single working parent with young children who can't afford daycare.

It's much better to do it now before your family and the dog become too attached and the dog has a better chance of finding a new home when it's young.

rookiemere · 20/08/2019 13:22

Crikey just read the breed characteristics, a breed that is known for not wanting to be on its own and who need a lot of exercise. I'm sorry OP as I really do want to be helpful, but it seems an odd choice in your particular circumstances.

If you're determined to keep ddog I'd totally recommend joining borrowmydoggy to get additional walkers. I wouldn't recommend it as your primary source of care - as the people who join aren't paid but do it because they love dogs - but once fully grown at about 1 year old, your dog will require a lot of walking. You can join without paying first of all to see how many borrowers are in the area.

adaline · 20/08/2019 13:24

Is there a particular reason you went for the Bavarian Hound, OP?

ImMeantToBeWorking · 20/08/2019 13:31

Hi OP, I have not RTFT, but believe me it gets easier on them. Make sure she has plenty of toys that mentally stimulate her. Kongs are a great idea. Start by just filling them with her breakfast kibble, as she gets more advanced put in some peanut butter to keep in the kibble. She will have to work to get her food which will wear her out. We have our dog nearly two years, he now has three of them due to the size of his portions but he loves them.

As you are doing walk the dog first thing in the morning and then in the evening. In the evening also do ten mins of training time using some treats (my fella loves frankfurter sausages so I slice these up small, they are cheap and last for ages). This will also mentally stimulate your dog as well as teaching her commands (sit, paw, spin, roll over etc.)

Make sure you also have somewhere warm, dry and comfortable for her to go. My fella has a shed (it was in the garden anyway and we don't use it for anything else) he has all his "outside" toys, a bed, clean water etc in here.

I know it seems impossible to leave her now, but it will get easier for the two of you.

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/08/2019 13:36

I was a single parent, and we had two dogs (acquired at different times). First dog I was at home with until he was a year old, (crossbreed) and he was a total star. Second dog of course had first dog for company (and I was only working four hours per day 5x per week).

But walking was hard. Every. Single. Day. At least three miles (and if you've got a hound, she will need more than this).

You may have been better off getting an older dog. Far more settled and likely to sleep while you are out, although, tbh, you are out a little bit too long for any dog.

Saying that, my young dog (who I now realise is nearly five!) can be left for up to nine hours if I get a long shift at work. But then she grew up with the other two dogs when she was a young pup, and although she's now an only, she's learned to just sleep.

She's a bugger when I do get home, though, and on the long shift days we got for a six mile + run before I leave.

longearedbat · 20/08/2019 13:39

It's not a breed I'm familiar with, so looked them up. As pps say, they need loads of exercise and company. It doesn't look like the sort of dog for a first time owner really. Op, having a dog and working can be made to work, but that is only part of the story. Have you thought about all the things you need to do where you can't take the dog? Shopping trip, dentist, cinema, days out with the kids where a dog isn't welcome - the list is endless. All these things add up, so the cumulative time the dog is being left can get longer and longer (e.g. you are back from work, but now you will also be out all evening at a parents meeting/need to do a big shop etc). This is why it's so difficult to work and look after a dog properly- other things get in the way.
You sound like a caring (but rather misguided) owner. I know from experience that being delayed somewhere and worrying about your dog home alone is incredibly stress inducing, so not good for anxiety at all.
You need to be honest with yourself. Is having a dog now really the best thing for either you or the dog?

Crunchymum · 20/08/2019 13:53

Blimey OP, in the year of looking for a dog did you not check what breeds were suitable for your family set-up?

Was pretty much in agreement with you, until I had a quick look at the breed.

What on Earth are you thinking? Take the poor thing back!

skybluee · 20/08/2019 14:14

With the people saying about constant rehoming, if she's been with the OP for a week, isn't that like a dog going into kennels for a week? Or does it have more of an impact?

Confusedbeetle · 20/08/2019 14:15

You cant leave a puppy all day, sorry but you just cant. An adult dog of the right temperament up to 4 hours but a puppy needs human company

Floralnomad · 20/08/2019 14:32

It’s not as simple as send it back . Ring around all the local dog walkers and see if someone could take him for 1/2 days to bring the cost down a bit , just because they don’t advertise it doesn’t mean they won’t do it .

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 20/08/2019 14:36

skybluee my first post was questioning why the puppy was 5 months old - felt a bit of an odd number and as if she had already had a home and been returned, or if the 'breeder' was an accidental breeder who couldn't cope with her. It's not ideal to rehome dogs, obviously, but if it has to happen the sooner the better really, for all concerned.

SilverySurfer · 20/08/2019 14:42

I didn't think anyone had hoiked their judgy pants but if you want hoiked I am happy to oblige.

If, as you say, you have been considering getting a dog for a year, I'm wondering what, if anything you learned during that time. I'm a cat owner who has never owned a dog but know the basics, ie that you cannot leave dogs alone all day. As a PP said, they googled the breed and seem to have learned more about it in 30 seconds than you have in a year.

I'm sick of reading posts from people who obtain a dog and don't have the faintest clue how to care for it.

CPXMAS · 20/08/2019 14:48

You need to give the dog back.

We all misjudge things in life, that's no big deal. You do, however have a responsibility to the dog to rectify your mistake.

Do it now, while the dog still has a chance of finding a home.

Oh, and calling people who care about the welfare of dogs 'judgy pants wearers'' really says nothing good about you. I'd suggest you stop that.

Thequaffle · 20/08/2019 14:57

Maybe the daycare doesn’t have to be forever? It might be good for her to spent time with other dogs for a while to get her confidence to grow? I really don’t know, I have a cat.

DimplesToadfoot · 20/08/2019 17:59

@SunshineCake

Yes! A neighbour has a labradoodle that is never walked, so I asked if I could take him out, they replied "Supply and Demand I would have to pay them". I was like eh, you what? ... yes pay them. If they wanted someone to walk him they'd have to pay so if I want to walk him I should pay, I respectfully declined lol

I ended up walking the dogs up at the stray kennels .. for free :-) then I fostered and now I've just adopted, not signed the forms yet she's that new to me :-)