Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Hubby not invited to best friends wedding

150 replies

Georgina25 · 19/08/2019 11:36

My best friend of 13 years is getting married next year and she's just told me and our other bestie our partners are only invited to the evening.

Now I got married this year and she was my bridesmaid, her partner and her baby were invited for the whole day, they got along well with the other bestie and everything was grand.

I've told my partner there was a chance he may only be invited to the evening and he was really put out which I was a bit too, they're not super close but they've known each other 7 years! We even looked after her baby overnight a few weeks ago so they could go to a party

Do I say anything to her? If my husband went to his best friend's wedding and didn't even question why I was only invited to the evening id be upset. She said it's to keep numbers down but even so, surely it's just the done thing that your husband is invited when you are?

OP posts:

MrsTWH · 19/08/2019 11:37

It’s a bit weird/rude not to invite the spouse of your married best friend! YANBU.

bluebeck · 19/08/2019 11:38

YABU

If they have limited numbers then it's quite normal in my experience not to invite partners. Why would he want to go? Weddings are boring shite anyway

ShatnersWig · 19/08/2019 11:38

You could offer to help keep numbers down further and not go!

bluetue · 19/08/2019 11:39

It's very rude of her.

There was a thread recently stating the reverse of this, AIBU to not invite my best friends partners. Wonder if it's your friend!!

Justmuddlingalong · 19/08/2019 11:39

You inviting her, her partner and child to your wedding is immaterial. That was your choice. As is who she invites to her wedding. I find it odd, but it's her choice.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/08/2019 11:39

She’s being incredibly rude. Good enough to babysit overnight but not go to her wedding?! Cheeky mare. I’d be very pissed off.

Summerunderway · 19/08/2019 11:40

Well now you know the true measure she has of the friendship.
Scrap the childcare op.
She is a nf...

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 19/08/2019 11:41

Can you really not cope for a few hours without him though?

There's obviously a reason behind it - either numbers and/or budget are tight and she's trying to fit all her A list in.

Or she just doesn't like him much.

Either way, she's supposed to be your best friend, so go along and have a great time celebrating her special day.

moonpiggle · 19/08/2019 11:41

Odd behaviour. Of course you should ask her why hes not invited. Strange that hes okay to look after her baby but not invited to her wedding. Just odd.

billy1966 · 19/08/2019 11:41

YANBU

I think it's rude.
Good enough to mind your baby, not good enough to go to the full day.

I think you should say it, so she knows.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 19/08/2019 11:42

YANBU.
I would decline the invitation and not go at all.
leave her to it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/08/2019 11:42

You inviting her, her partner and child to your wedding is immaterial.

Bollocks to that. You’re either close enough to do favours for each other and be big parts of each other’s lives or you’re not. She can’t have it both ways.

What’s this keeping numbers down crap anyway? The people who you share your wedding with should be more important than any type of venue or poncy food.

whattodowith · 19/08/2019 11:42

YANBU, this is super rude and inexcusable really.

LittleLongDog · 19/08/2019 11:42

What was the outcome of the thread @bluetue ?

I think if it’s genuinely to keep numbers down and if she assumes you and your other friend will have each other then YABU.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/08/2019 11:43

Can you really not cope for a few hours without him though?

TheCraicDealer · 19/08/2019 11:44

Very strange. How big is the wedding? If they're have a very small wedding with close family and friends only I wouldn't be offended. I would also be understanding (although to a lesser extent) if they had large extended families which was putting pressure on a limited budget. But not inviting spouses of very close friends would be a last resort for most people.

Pretendapony · 19/08/2019 11:45

With acquaintances I don’t see a problem. But as you are best friends and she trusted you both with her baby I think you should speak to her. And also, you invited all 3 of them to your wedding so surely they’re happy to repay the favour by inviting you both? Very strange!

Piffle11 · 19/08/2019 11:46

I presume it's to keep numbers down. I don't think I'd say anything, as what do you expect/hope to achieve? If your partner is invited, she's going to have to do the same for the other friends too. She can't magically increase the size of her budget or venue - which is why, I'm presuming, that she's not inviting them to the whole day - so I think all you will end up doing is getting knocked back, and creating a bit of bad feeling/atmosphere about the whole day. I say go, enjoy yourself, and meet up with DH and the other partners later. There has to be a 'cut off' point, and unfortunately you and your DH are on opposite sides of it.

Summerunderway · 19/08/2019 11:47

Maybe your dh's request to be the designated babysitter is on its way op?!

timeisnotaline · 19/08/2019 11:47

It’s very very rude in my opinion. I’m not sure I would go, I’d probably say something about if a marriage were that special to you you’d have a bit more respect for mine, so not sure why you’re having a wedding exactly .I don’t think we will attend.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 19/08/2019 11:49

Where is the wedding compared to where you live? If its local I think its probably ok, slightly rude but not a big issue if he just pops along later. If it involves travel then its really rude and inconvenient due to the logistics involved

Serenity45 · 19/08/2019 11:50

One of my close friends did this and I honestly didn't mind (neither did my DH who doesn't like weddings anyway). She explained that it was due to numbers as both her and the groom have big families and she did a 'ladies table' for her close friends. We had a great day!

I can understand why you are upset but I do think YABU sorry, especially as she has explained why.

tisonlymeagain · 19/08/2019 11:57

YANBU. It's very rude. If it was just a 'friend' then maybe different, but if a best friend excluded my partner, I'd be quite put out. I probably wouldn't go. (Not a massive fan of other people's weddings any way...)

If it were my own wedding, I wouldn't even consider not inviting significant others!

Ineedtoknowit · 19/08/2019 11:59

Completely rude. Guests are there to celebrate the marriage but married guests aren’t allowed their spouses there?

KB197 · 19/08/2019 12:00

It’s up to her who she invites but it is strange. They are obviously trying to cut costs but imo souses/long term partners should always be invited.

Admittedly I did go to a wedding without my partner recently. He was invited but had to stay home without DC. I dreaded it but it wasn’t too bad once I was there. Everyone assumed I was single and had split up with my partner but i told them it is okay to go alone 🤣

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.