Hubby not invited to best friends wedding

[Georgina25]

My best friend of 13 years is getting married next year and she's just told me and our other bestie our partners are only invited to the evening.

Now I got married this year and she was my bridesmaid, her partner and her baby were invited for the whole day, they got along well with the other bestie and everything was grand.

I've told my partner there was a chance he may only be invited to the evening and he was really put out which I was a bit too, they're not super close but they've known each other 7 years! We even looked after her baby overnight a few weeks ago so they could go to a party

Do I say anything to her? If my husband went to his best friend's wedding and didn't even question why I was only invited to the evening id be upset. She said it's to keep numbers down but even so, surely it's just the done thing that your husband is invited when you are?

It's very poor etiquette, I offered plus ones to all my friends for boyfriends and husbands no matter how long they'd been together or whether I knew them, I'd never met one of them that came (friend lives v far away but they'd been together a while).

It's very poor form considering you're a bridesmaid too. Up to her though I guess, but I'd be pissed off too, especially if they were both all day guests at my wedding.

@Bumbags

My DH would be THRILLED.

Yeah, but the OP's husband ISN'T is he?! So what's your point exactly?

@JandiSari

I think its so rude when people are that tight that they're willing to offend people the most closest to them.

I agree. If the budget is SO tight, that you can only invite your best friend of 13 years, and not her husband, then maybe you should just go to a register office with 2 witnesses have a £3.99 carvery at weatherspoons with your new hubby.

And as the OP invited her BFF and her partner to HER wedding and had her as a bridesmaid, this is extremely bad etiquette. And NOT something a best friend would do. There is nothing wrong with an inexpensive wedding, and only inviting a two dozen people or so, but inviting your best friend, and leaving her husband out is odd, and rude. Especially, as I said, when they invited YOUR partner to THEIR wedding (as well as you!)

@BuzzShitbagBobbly

Can you really not cope for a few hours without him though?

What a thoroughly ridiculous comment.

As for the comments from people about how people are entitled to invite who they want, and are entitled to invite someone without their husband. Fine. But don't complain when that those people you invited (and left their husband or wife off the invitation,) decline the invitation or just don't turn up.

@Georgina25

I would decline the invitation for sure, and don't do anymore bloody childminding! And give her a wide berth, because she is a shit friend.

The Problem is op if you go alone you will find things all day that will piss you off, for example if there are a couple people who don’t turn up to the wedding on the day (happened to me! annoying but it happens ) you will see an empty seat at the table that oh could have enjoyed at dinner and fume, if you realise they have spent 2k on a really fancy photographer ( as my cousin did) you will fume that that money “wasted”could have allowed another table of guests
I would really question my friendship if my husbsnd was good enough to be used as a babysitter but not a priority at wedding, also I do think you take reciprocity into consideration when dishing out invites to do’s, you invited all three of them to yours and they should feel like they should reciprocate, wedding/ funerals are real eye openers regarding your status in others eyes I’ve learnt loads and reevaluated as a result

If the budget is SO tight, that you can only invite your best friend of 13 years, and not her husband, then maybe you should just go to a register office with 2 witnesses have a £3.99 carvery at weatherspoons with your new hubby.

Yup. Screw your parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles. If your friend’s husband can’t cone then no-one can! Great!

/s obvs

*come 🤦🏻‍♀️

Teastory if your friends can't come don't invite them just invite family. 🤣 What you shouldn't do is invite some close friends whom you are happy to be bridesmaid for, accept overnight babysitting from but not invite their husband. That would make you a cheeky fucker and not much of a friend. A user.

Well @brassbrass I’ve never been a bridesmaid nor do I have kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

@brassbrass

Teastory if your friends can't come don't invite them just invite family. 🤣

What you shouldn't do is invite some close friends whom you are happy to be bridesmaid for, accept overnight babysitting from but not invite their husband. That would make you a cheeky fucker and not much of a friend. A user.

Exactly this! ^ This 'friend' would be erased from my life pretty sharpish. She is a terrible friend.

I bet posters would be spitting feathers if the OP wasn’t invited at all.

@LividLaughLove and @AnchorDownDeepBreath are right - there’s no way to keep everyone happy and afford it all.

Can you really not cope for a few hours without him though?

Someone always trots out this rubbish on these threads. On my case of course I could "cope". But when you work hard and have limited time off together then of course I want to spend it with DH, I enjoy his company funny enough.

@TeaStory

I bet posters would be spitting feathers if the OP wasn’t invited at all.

I very much doubt it.

(2 out of 10 for effort for that comment..... try harder next time eh?.)

Someone always trots out this rubbish like 'can you not cope without him for a few hours' on these threads. On my case of course I could "cope". But when you work hard and have limited time off together then of course I want to spend it with DH, I enjoy his company funny enough.

EXACTLY @lagunabubbles

I mean, God FORBID a woman wants to spend time with her husband/partner eh? 'Oh you sound sooooooooooo needy, and like you just can't do anything without him!' And 'you ARE an individual person you know,' And 'you do know that you ARE allowed to do stuff without your MAN!'

And God forbid a woman gets a bit miffed that her husband/partner is not invited to something SHE is invited to. 'People can invite who they like ya know..' 'How entitled you sound!' 'Can you not cope without him for a few hours?'

Ridiculous!

To be fair though, the people saying these kind of things are probably in dull, boring, or not-very-happy relationships, so they can't relate to someone actually WANTING to be with their husband/wife/partner.

(2 out of 10 for effort for that comment..... try harder next time eh?.) wink

Eh? I’m posting genuinely. Are you suggesting I’m trolling?

Sigh

I shouldn’t have got into a bunfight on two hours’ sleep 🙄

Can you really not cope for a few hours without him though?

Daft comment

YANBU, your friend is weird. Weddings are about as couple-centric an occasion as they come and if I were in your place, I would pull out, I don’t go weddings without my DH

I either wouldn't attend at all, or I would attend the ceremony and go home straight after and pretend you have something important to do, so she feels as unimportant as a friend as she has made you feel.

Do some of you really never go out socially without your DP/DH?

@bluebeck

Do some of you really never go out socially without your DP/DH?

Where did anyone say that?

Point out where any poster said that.

@zeezee3

Comments like But when you work hard and have limited time off together then of course I want to spend it with DH,

I mean, God FORBID a woman wants to spend time with her husband/partner

CBA to go further back than this page but sure there are plenty more.

I see weddings as all day parties. If I get invited to a social event and my DP doesn't, I wouldn't think twice about it. I would never expect them to be invited to something just because I am going.

I genuinely wondered if some of you really just don't like socialising separately as that is the impression being given. I work with a woman like this. She would never go out for dinner or drinks or a wedding without her husband. It's pretty tragic.

Bluebeck because you haven't RTFT you've got the wrong impression. HTH

@bluebeck I'd decline if my husband weren't invited (as mentioned above) but frequently socialise without him (including weddings he's been invited to and unable to attend) due to a job that has him working some very anti social hours. I think it's really rude and disrespectful and I'd resent it - therefore best to politely not go. Yes it would affect the friendship but that's the doing of the bride and groom.

@bluebeck I'm sure they do, but weddings are not events that you normally go without your partner.....not in my life anyway.

God forbid that partners want to actually spend time together, I mine the idea is really absurd

@bluebeck I work with a woman that wants to go nowhere with her partner, that's really tragic.

Yes, a wedding is the joining together of two people - it is distinctly odd to celebrate it by insisting that other couples are unjoined for part of the celebration of joining!

I wouldn't be remotely bothered by this. If she has limited numbers then suck it up or you aren't really a good friend anyway are you?

For those who cannot/will not go out for the day without their OH (unless the OH is actually unable to go) you do sound rather odd.....

Takes all sorts!