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Original poster

Hubby not invited to best friends wedding

150 replies

Georgina25 · 19/08/2019 11:36

My best friend of 13 years is getting married next year and she's just told me and our other bestie our partners are only invited to the evening.

Now I got married this year and she was my bridesmaid, her partner and her baby were invited for the whole day, they got along well with the other bestie and everything was grand.

I've told my partner there was a chance he may only be invited to the evening and he was really put out which I was a bit too, they're not super close but they've known each other 7 years! We even looked after her baby overnight a few weeks ago so they could go to a party

Do I say anything to her? If my husband went to his best friend's wedding and didn't even question why I was only invited to the evening id be upset. She said it's to keep numbers down but even so, surely it's just the done thing that your husband is invited when you are?

OP posts:
RachelEllenR · 19/08/2019 12:34

I thinks it's rude and I would decline. I have been in the same situation with an aunt and politely declined. I didn't apologise though as I wasn't sorry.

Wehttam · 19/08/2019 12:35

It’s more odd than rude, I’m on the fence here.

brassbrass · 19/08/2019 12:38

If you want people to celebrate your event you need to facilitate that by being a good host. If you only think about yourself then you can't expect people to fall over themselves for you. Living within your budget doesn't mean piss people off it means go for a different option than the one you might have aspired to with a bigger budget.

People were more important at our wedding than material things. It's possible to do a wedding outside of an expensive venue, unaffordable costs per head etc etc. Stop bleating on about numbers. You either care how your guests feel or you don't. I'd rather go to a low budget happy wedding than an uptight pecking ordered show of exclusivity.

PuffHuffle5 · 19/08/2019 12:40

But he is invited, just not all day. I don’t see the problem really.

LovePoppy · 19/08/2019 12:41

Who you had at your wedding doesn’t matter. Your budget/venue/guests/priorities are different than hers.

I think it’s odd, but maybe she’s having a family only wedding and “sneaking” you in? I recently saw a wedding locally where the bride only had family. She didn’t even invite her life long girlfriends. Even though she’d been in all their weddings. The friends went to the church service, then went homr. Things change

Vilanelle · 19/08/2019 12:42

It's not rude, she clearly has her reasons and numbers are limited. Her wedding, her choice

Bunglefromrainbow · 19/08/2019 12:43

The sense of entitlement in this thread is pretty remarkable.

OP, your husband can be upset, it's perfectly reasonable. And if you want to ask for the reasons why he can't attend I'm sure your "Bestie" will fill you in.

But the decision has been made. I'm pretty sure she won't have 20 spare seats at the back that he could have parked himself on, it's almost certainly about numbers and venue capacity.

In my opinion it is a brides prerogative whom she invites to her wedding, to one of the biggest days of her life. No doubt she is already under considerable pressure from family about inviting Auntie Karen from Gwent as she babysat when she was a child etc etc.

As her best friend I'd suggest that it might be the nice thing to do to let this slide, accept that she has her reasons and help her enjoy her wedding.
Or you could create a whole load of drama about it and add to the stresses of organising a wedding.

What would a good friend do here?

brassbrass · 19/08/2019 12:45

I'd probably demote her friendship to be honest. Attending the wedding isn't the issue it's more that this represents a discrepancy in the perception of closeness between the 'best friends'.

To my mind close friends just wouldn't do this.

brassbrass · 19/08/2019 12:46

What would a good friend do here? Ironic much?

Parker231 · 19/08/2019 12:46

Sounds like they are limited due to numbers. Perhaps they have large families or a small venue. You can go on your own and have a great time.

Lweji · 19/08/2019 12:47

Teastory by the same token don't be a cheeky fucker expecting overnight babysitting! Ask the 'granny' or whoever made the cut to do it instead. Don't use people who have had higher regard of you.

But the friend didn't ask OP's partner to babysit, she asked her friend. Would he have said yes if she had asked him to babysit on his own?

Best friend's partners come and go. Grannies don't. And they probably did their bit of babysitting the bride or groom when younger.
Why should a granny be left out to make room for a random bloke that happens to live with a best friend?

Lweji · 19/08/2019 12:49

It's possible to do a wedding outside of an expensive venue, unaffordable costs per head etc etc. Stop bleating on about numbers.

What do you know about the wedding and the B&G's budget?

TeaStory · 19/08/2019 12:51

It's possible to do a wedding outside of an expensive venue, unaffordable costs per head etc etc. Stop bleating on about numbers.

We got married in a register office. The numbers were limited by them. There was no cheaper option that would fit more people in!!

babynumber2onboard · 19/08/2019 12:52

I can't deny that I'd be pretty put out by this! I'm planning a wedding and obviously I have to keep an eye on numbers, but I've chosen to have close friends' partners over acquaintances

Ineedtoknowit · 19/08/2019 12:52

I worked out what venue I could afford based on numbers. Not the other way around. I can’t belive That people want you to celebrate their marriage but they don’t respect their guests’ marriages enough to invite them. Married people go to weddings together. End of in my view. I appreciate not everyone shares this view but for me it’s very clear.

brassbrass · 19/08/2019 12:54

I worked out what venue I could afford based on numbers. Exactly

isitjanuary · 19/08/2019 12:54

I worked out what venue I could afford based on numbers. Not the other way around

Same. You work out numbers and then plan a wedding. You don't pick a venue and then figure out who you can cut.

brassbrass · 19/08/2019 12:55

In fact your whole post sums it up ineedtoknowit

brassbrass · 19/08/2019 12:56

Sadly I think there has been a trend in weddings of 'who makes the cut'

LividLaughLove · 19/08/2019 12:57

Fucking hell.

As a PP said, some real entitlement here.

I'm having a (quickie, pregnant!) wedding in a few weeks. I was limited in venue choice due to budget and time constraints. I'm already overfilling the venue. I've had to toss up between offending partners I don't know or offending friends I would really like to be there.

I literally can't fit everyone, and if anyone told me that was rude, they could get stuffed. If I could fit everyone in to the tiny room I can afford with a few weeks' notice I would. Equally, I'd happily piss off to Gretna and invite NOBODY, but apparently that's rude too!

EllesBells123 · 19/08/2019 12:59

I don't think it's that odd if they are choosing to have an intimate wedding at a small venue and therefore have restricted guest numbers. You can't prioritise friend's husbands over say other close friends or family who you really want there. If you and DH ever split up, your best friend would never see him again so why would she prioritise him attending over a family member or a friend. If it is very limited guest numbers and every friend wants their partner there that's double the number of places taken up suddenly and then a large proportion of your attendees are people you're not even close with which defeats the object of the intimate wedding.

It's not like she's singling your partner out. That would be unacceptable. This is a policy applied to everyone. You may not like it but that's what they've chosen for their day. You either politely go with it or decline all together and risk the friendship.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 19/08/2019 13:00

I worked out what venue I could afford based on numbers

Maybe she did exactly that and just doesn't like him much? No law says she has to, is there.

Lweji · 19/08/2019 13:01

I worked out what venue I could afford based on numbers. Not the other way around

I don't know if this is the case, but what if even the cheapest venue around was more expensive than your budget for those people?

Surely even you had to cut guests based on something - even preference. Or did you invite everyone?

We shouldn't judge without knowing anything about the wedding and their reasons.

Lweji · 19/08/2019 13:02

Sadly I think there has been a trend in weddings of 'who makes the cut'

That's always been the case. You have to stop invitations at some point.

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/08/2019 13:06

"Do I say anything to her?"
Yes, of course you do - why wouldn't you? This is a woman you regard as your best friend why would you not talk to her about it?

Or is the reason you haven't already talked to her about it, is that this has made you wonder about the actual state of your friendship?

You might think of her as a best friend, but in my opinion - she clearly doesn't hold you in such high regard. You're useful, certainly, to her (babysitting etc.). But you're clearly not her best friend. Sorry.

I'm not sure I'd want to go, knowing what I though of as a close friendship, wasn't. Sad

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