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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hubby not invited to best friends wedding

150 replies

Georgina25 · 19/08/2019 11:36

My best friend of 13 years is getting married next year and she's just told me and our other bestie our partners are only invited to the evening.

Now I got married this year and she was my bridesmaid, her partner and her baby were invited for the whole day, they got along well with the other bestie and everything was grand.

I've told my partner there was a chance he may only be invited to the evening and he was really put out which I was a bit too, they're not super close but they've known each other 7 years! We even looked after her baby overnight a few weeks ago so they could go to a party

Do I say anything to her? If my husband went to his best friend's wedding and didn't even question why I was only invited to the evening id be upset. She said it's to keep numbers down but even so, surely it's just the done thing that your husband is invited when you are?

OP posts:
Bumbags · 19/08/2019 12:00

Honestly my dh would be thrilled.

You can have a nice lunch and drinks and dance with dh in the evening.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 19/08/2019 12:02

I think YABU. One of my closest friends did this. They were constrained with numbers and she wanted as many of her friends there as possible. We had a blast, it was so much fun.

Have you even spoken to her to ask the reasoning behind this? I think you should speak to her, as she's your bestie, rather then asking a load of strangers who don't have the full context.

TeaStory · 19/08/2019 12:02

It sounds like a numbers thing. When we got married, the room we could afford at the register office had a max occupancy of something like 24 including us. Once family were in, we couldn’t fit spouses of friends either. We had to explain that to guests and understood if they elected not to come, or to only come to the evening do. I’m not sure what else could be done!

BlackCatSleeping · 19/08/2019 12:05

I might have missed it but is it a local wedding? I think if it’s a local wedding, I’d just go with it. If it’s somewhere you need to travel to, then I’d both just go to the evening part.

I do agree it’s rude not to invite partners, but wedding costs are a nightmare, so I’d be understanding.

brassbrass · 19/08/2019 12:06

I get the whole numbers thing but if you are close enough to babysit and she played a role in your (and DH's wedding!) and you socialise regularly then it is a bit skanky to not invite your partners.

She doesn't measure the friendship the way you do and I'd certainly be disinclined to do any favours in the future.

Lweji · 19/08/2019 12:06

I think the key is that they're not close.
And he's invited to the evening.

If it's a local wedding, I'd be fine with it. If it involves a long trip or an overnight stay, then I don't think I'd go in his place, and you'd have to decide to go alone or skip it.

KurriKurri · 19/08/2019 12:06

Honestly my dh would be thrilled

But this thread isn't about your husband - it is about OP's DH and he is upset Confused

Rainycloudyday · 19/08/2019 12:09

I find it incredibly rude when people only invite half a couple to a wedding. People get so caught up in their day that they forget they are HOSTING ie should care if their guests have a nice time. If you can’t afford to invite both halves of a couple then plan your wedding differently. Even if you don’t know the partner and won’t care if they are there, the guests will enjoy themselves more, stay later and generally have a better atmosphere if they are not awkward and a bit lonely because you didn’t invite their partner. It’s basic manners.

SandAndSea · 19/08/2019 12:10

I think it depends on the size of the wedding. Are they having a small, intimate ceremony followed by a larger reception/party? If so, then I'd be fine with that.

TeaStory · 19/08/2019 12:12

I get the whole numbers thing but if you are close enough to babysit and she played a role in your (and DH's wedding!) and you socialise regularly then it is a bit skanky to not invite your partners.

So the bride should just not invite her grandma or something so OP’s DH can have a spot? Numbers are often set by the venue, possibly the bride can’t afford anything bigger!

TeaStory · 19/08/2019 12:14

If you can’t afford to invite both halves of a couple then plan your wedding differently.

The bride may be in the position of being able to invite just the OP or not invite her at all - and I’m sure she would rather have her there than not. She may not be able to afford to plan her wedding differently.

Cheeseoncrumpets · 19/08/2019 12:16

YABU for using the terms 'hubby' and 'bestie'

sue51 · 19/08/2019 12:16

It may be due to budget restrictions. I wouldn't get worked up about it unless there were a whole host of other plus ones there.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2019 12:16

Did she explain why? What does your other friend think? Are you going to ask the bride?

Please do try not to fall out over this.

INeedAFlerken · 19/08/2019 12:18

I think its rude.

I think a lot of brides/grooms have become incredibly entitled and self-absorbed and forgotten basic etiquette on 'their special day'. It's really not a good look. I wonder how many couples look back and cringe at their own behaviour and treatment of their friends and families over their wedding days.

I would want to know more, OP. Are all the best friends on both sides coming without spouses/partners to the earlier parts of the day? Or just the odd few...

JamdaniSari · 19/08/2019 12:19

I think its so rude when people are that tight that they're willing to offend people the most closest to them.

Lionsgirl111 · 19/08/2019 12:23

If theres lets say only 60 spaces for the the day. Then that's only 30 people for the groom and 30 for the bride. Including groomsmen and bridesmaids.

So your friend would only have 30 people she can pick. She'd of course have her immediate family (parents, siblings, kids) then best friends, then have to decide between aunts/godparents/cousins/close colleagues. Your friends partners wouldn't even come into the equation.

In that situation i'd of course choose the close colleague i spend 40 hours a week with and have lunch with everyday or the Godparent ive holidayed with and watched me grow up. You wouldn't not invite them to invite your friends husband who your not even particularly close too and not have your close auntie/friend be at your wedding.

Its nothing to do with not liking friends partners or snubbing them. But unless you can afford lots of extras you have to prioritize the people you really want to be there to witness your marriage.

Especially if paying per head! You have to imagine you could only afford 30(maybe even less) people for yourself. Take away immediate family/close friends/bridesmaids you may only be left with 4 or 5 spaces. Would you then pick aunties/uncles/cousins/friends or your mates partners?

So id just go and enjoy the day. You'll have all your mates and your husband in the evening. Best of both worlds!

Also if you confront, unless she is allowed to extend her wedding package to include more guests and can actually afford to do it, she won't be able to do anything? Not unless she uninvites people she really wants to be there? So then there would be bad feeling between you both. And what for? Does your husband honestly, really want to witness the marriage of his wifes friend that hes not even close too? Probably not. So it's not worth the aggro.

TeaStory · 19/08/2019 12:25

I think its so rude when people are that tight that they're willing to offend people the most closest to them.

Maybe it’s not about being “tight”. Wedding venues are expensive and if the money isn’t there then the money isn’t there. Getting married is about more than One Day, not everyone is willing to get into debt for their wedding.

brassbrass · 19/08/2019 12:25

Teastory by the same token don't be a cheeky fucker expecting overnight babysitting! Ask the 'granny' or whoever made the cut to do it instead. Don't use people who have had higher regard of you.

OP thinks of her as a best friend. Best friends don't exclude your significant other but acquaintances might.

Posey67 · 19/08/2019 12:25

I'm sure it's a numbers thing! When we got married, we could only have 35 in the ceremony room. (So that was basically family only) we literally could not give a space to say best friends husband otherwise that would have ment a family member would have missed out.

Later on, we had an evening meal and the venue only held 6 tables of 8 so again everything was number counting. We explained this and everyone else came for the evening reception after the tables had been taken anway and allowed for more guests. It wasnt ideal, but it's what we could afford and we had to make these sacrifices such as the ones you've described to ensure a aunt or an uncle could come over a friends spouse. Its harsh yeah, but it's their day and I'm sure theres a reason why shes said this to you.

ChicCroissant · 19/08/2019 12:27

I would think it's rude too, OP.

TeaStory · 19/08/2019 12:28

This touches a nerve in me because I got shit from people about my cheap wedding. We were very young, not well off but both working, yet people seemed to think our parents would pay for a lavish do. We did what we could afford. You’re “tight” if you can’t afford to invite everyone you’ve ever met, you’re irresponsible if you spend beyond your means. It’s almost like people just want to criticise...

Bumbags · 19/08/2019 12:29

@KurriKurri

Thanks
I was confused for a moment

Noseynails · 19/08/2019 12:32

YABU. Why should she invite him just because you are married to him? Should she tell her mother not to come so you can bring your husband?

simplekindoflife · 19/08/2019 12:33

Very odd and rude! I don't believe in plus ones just for the sake of it but this is your husband and you're all friends?!

Skip the day and all go to the evening do together, if it's convenient of course. And no more babysitting! Cheeky mare.

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