Is this my fault?

[mmmcflurrys]

Today I was dropping my step children, both girls aged 6&7 back to their mums.

Their mum has a little boy who was in hospital for a few days with tonsillitis, so kids were staying with us and then both nan and great nan (her side). So on the way they said "Did you know me and sis got a taxi on our own when baby was poorly" I said "Ooh that's an exciting experience, how did you feel?" 6 year old said she was a bit scared whereas 7 year old didn't care. It was about a 10 minute journey from Nan's to great nans.

I gave DP a call after dropping them off just to let him know which has now escalated to him and his ex arguing and her saying the kids can't come away with us on Thursday. DP said this is my fault for telling him as I knew how he would react and nothing good would have came from it.

AIBU to have told him what his kids told me? I thought as he is their dad he should know but maybe I am wrong?

Of course it's not your fault!

Not your fault at all , that said if his ex is stopping his agreed contact perhaps it’s time to be getting a proper legal arrangement .

Of course it’s not your fault!

If he can’t control and take responsibility for his own reactions then you potentially have much bigger problems!

Not your fault at all!

But why did you tell him? It does sound a bit passive aggressive to me, and it has created conflict which you must have known it would.

Of course it’s not your fault he’s presumably chosen to kick off at his ex about this. I could just about understand (but not agree with) the ex being pissed off with you for mentioning to their dad but him blaming you for telling him this information and his reaction? I’d tell him to get tae fuck.

And what would his reaction have been if he found out you knew and didn't tell him? By the person he sounds to be, I imagine he'd hit the roof. You were unfortunately put in an impossible position by an innocent comment and you did the right thing. I can't imagine the mum did it lightly though. Maybe your DH should ask himself why she felt she couldn't count on him as their dad for help

‘Just to let him know’

Aka shit stirring

He’s an adult. He should be taking responsibility for his own reactions to things he hears.

Of course you aren't at fault - he should know stuff like that. Any issues caused by his reactions are down to him, not you.

You did the right thing without a doubt. He maybe should have taken a breath before calling her and clearly giving her an ear full.

He really should control his reactions a taxi is hardly walking across a motorway unsupervised

I don't know why you told him, you must have known he'd be angry

It's not your fault. You were just passing on safe guarding information. He should know that as it's not normal is it, to send 2 kids in a taxi without an adult.

He should control his reactions. But you need to consider your motivation for sticking your oar in here.

Kids get taxis to school alone all the time 🤷 And who is to say the mother wouldn't have told him?

I would imagine the mum was worried and tried her best under the circumstances would you prefer her to drag them to the hospital then demand their father collect and ferry them

so the mother of the girls was so desperate for child care she had to put two unsupervised primary aged children into a taxi alone to send them to their grandmother?

I mean it's not ideal, but shame on almost every other adult concerned for not stepping up when she must have been besides herself

It sounds as if it was an emergency situation involving the hospital. If it was a one off perhaps it couldn't have really been avoided?

The thing I don’t get is him blaming you for telling him, sounds like he would have rather not known. Anyway I think yabu, I wouldn’t get worked up over a one off emergency

Its not your fault at all. Maybe his anxiety about the situation is making him snappy? Either way no excuse to blame you.

If you didn't tell him and then he found out you knew, he'd be pissed off at you.

BUT you didn't need to call and let him know, especially if you know how he would react.
You should have told him when you saw him, and had a sensible conversation and not let him kick off at ex.

Did your DP ring and and read the riot act to his ex? If so bear that I'm mind did how he deals with issues with you in the future. He could have just rang and discussed it with her.. there was no major need for a full on row. Ex did what she needed to do at the time-she may know the taxi driver well....be careful OP!

Of course his reaction isn’t your fault. I actually don’t think it’s a big deal that they went in a taxi alone - assuming someone was expecting them at the other end and it was a reputable taxi firm. I feel sorry for the mum trying to cope with two girls aged 6 and 7 and a baby poorly enough to be hospitalised. Your DP doesn’t sound like a very helpful dad.

I certainly wouldn't have hidden it, but calling him up specifically to tell him while he was elsewhere just makes a massive deal out of something mundane. As their mother I wouldn't have taken kindly to him ringing me up and berating me over it.