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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this my fault?

244 replies

mmmcflurrys · 18/08/2019 17:06

Today I was dropping my step children, both girls aged 6&7 back to their mums.

Their mum has a little boy who was in hospital for a few days with tonsillitis, so kids were staying with us and then both nan and great nan (her side). So on the way they said "Did you know me and sis got a taxi on our own when baby was poorly" I said "Ooh that's an exciting experience, how did you feel?" 6 year old said she was a bit scared whereas 7 year old didn't care. It was about a 10 minute journey from Nan's to great nans.

I gave DP a call after dropping them off just to let him know which has now escalated to him and his ex arguing and her saying the kids can't come away with us on Thursday. DP said this is my fault for telling him as I knew how he would react and nothing good would have came from it.

AIBU to have told him what his kids told me? I thought as he is their dad he should know but maybe I am wrong?

OP posts:
messolini9 · 18/08/2019 22:11

He should control his reactions. But you need to consider your motivation for sticking your oar in here.

Relates perfectly factual anecdote about man's kids.
Gets flamed for not anticipating he would be an arse.
Get told she has negative motivations.
Yeah, it's sod all to do with matey's shit social skills & poor anger management, huh.

Nanny0gg · 18/08/2019 22:11

All licensed drivers here are DBS checked. And many are self-employed - they don't work for a company.

So any hackney cab or private hire car is as safe as anyone can assume.

Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 18/08/2019 22:12

@Lovemusic33 some parents wouldn't be happy with that. I wouldn't be, neither is DP and considering their his children I think he has a right to say?

However if you read the OP, the thread isn't about the taxi.

OP posts:
GPatz · 18/08/2019 22:13

'Get told she has negative motivations'

Update probably didn't help that.

Jenasaurus · 18/08/2019 22:14

It’s not fair to blame you for reaction,anymore than he should blame himself for knowing how his ex would react to him calling her out on it

Quartz2208 · 18/08/2019 22:17

You have a serious dp issue

messolini9 · 18/08/2019 22:19

OP is wrong because she knowingly caused a drama for no other reason than she wanted to.
YAY! Woman-bashing still alive & thriving on MN.
Surely what you meant to say is that DP is wrong, because he knowingly caused a drama for no other reason than he wanted to?

The children sat in aucesenced tax for 10 minutes. They are fine. No ill effects. No trauma.
Exactly, Fine. No ill effects, No trauma.
So why should this interesting ancedote that the kids relayed to OP not be relayed to her DP?
Why are you intent on claiming that she would know DP would be an arse about it? The only feedback she gave about the taxi ride in the OP was "oh that's exciting" - so how do you extrapolate some kind of machiavellian plot to upset the DP & cause an argument from that?

Pure speculation.

messolini9 · 18/08/2019 22:24

What were you hoping to achieve OP?

Why would you think she was looking to "achieve" anything?
If you share kids with a DP, don't you relate the ancedotes that the kids have told you, just because ... parents are interested in what their kids say sometimes?

Hell of a lot of projection going on here.
Mostly holding OP to account for DP's arsery. No wonder we're still protesting all this this entitled man shit.

messolini9 · 18/08/2019 22:26

It's sad that the children are missing out on a holiday but that's down to you and their father

Give over, it's down to their mother. She's the one who's cancelled it.

GPatz · 18/08/2019 22:28

'Give over, it's down to their mother. She's the one who's cancelled it.'

Might want to read the updates

cdtaylornats · 18/08/2019 22:29

it's not normal is it, to send 2 kids in a taxi without an adult

Happens every school day with kids coming in from farms to schools

Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 18/08/2019 22:30

Didn't even see the comment about it being my fault the kids potentially missed the holiday!

Some people are insane 😂

OP posts:
messolini9 · 18/08/2019 22:30

Just found out she hasn't said kids can't come but he was putting me in a "hypothetical situation"

Weird and makes me not want to go on holiday myself.

Very weird, entirely shit-stirring by the DP himself, & would make me question the entire relationship with this volatile man-child.

Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 18/08/2019 22:30

@cdtaylornats we don't live on a farm.

OP posts:
PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 22:31

Some people are insane 😂

And some people are shit stirers. Diversity makes the world go around OP.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/08/2019 22:35

So what did your DP do? Did he really phone his ex and argue or was that hypothetical as well? And why does he feel the need to invent a hypothetical situation. How bizarre

SD1978 · 18/08/2019 22:36

You've had them several days. They never mentioned being scared or anything whilst with you. You found this out on the way back to taking them home and caused a shit storm by telling your partner. When trying to transport one child to hospital- what was she supposed to do? They were met safely and had no issue- own your shit stirring at least, don't try and be doe eyed and wonder this happened.

Witchend · 18/08/2019 22:41

Don't see the issue with the taxi. The children would have been picked up by a licenced taxi and taken to someone who presumably was waiting for them. Far better than dragging them into the hospital, and actually quite sensible if she had to rush in and needed to get child care in a hurry.

I would agree that it is his reaction that caused the problem but:
I gave DP a call after dropping them off just to let him know says to me that you were stirring. If you'd just thought it was an interesting bit of information you'd have casually mentioned it when you next saw him. That you phoned him up to tell him especially says to me that you didn't approve and you wanted him to react accordingly.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/08/2019 22:42

penny's are you always so rude?

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/08/2019 22:43

I dont see how its shit stirring to tell a childs parent about something thats happened to the child that youre concerned about. To me that's basic parenting.

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 22:44

The OP called me insane... But yeah ignore that comment Hmm

I am only rude to those who deserve it HTH.

PonderingPanda · 18/08/2019 22:46

I don't like the sound of your "d"p. He seems to have quite a nasty side

lawnmowingsucks · 18/08/2019 22:48

Only you know what your intentions were when you told your partner. Of course you'll tell anyone who'll listen that it was all about care for the two little ones. Only you know for sure

Your partner presumably knows you well and thinks that you were stirring and is therefore blaming you

I have no clue but your partners ex was having a difficult time and probably needed help not censure

Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 18/08/2019 22:53

Don't mean to "top trump" or anything, but when I was in premature labour she demanded DP pick the kids up as it was our day, and whilst she was in hospital having 2 brain operations DP managed to not miss a single day. But hey! She's their mom so she has every excuse to be shit :)

OP posts:
Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 18/08/2019 22:54

No I don't like his ex, she's made my life a living hell for the past 3 years.

But REGARDLESS, this isn't what the thread is about. It's about my 'D'P blaming me for his reactions.

OP posts:
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