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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this my fault?

244 replies

mmmcflurrys · 18/08/2019 17:06

Today I was dropping my step children, both girls aged 6&7 back to their mums.

Their mum has a little boy who was in hospital for a few days with tonsillitis, so kids were staying with us and then both nan and great nan (her side). So on the way they said "Did you know me and sis got a taxi on our own when baby was poorly" I said "Ooh that's an exciting experience, how did you feel?" 6 year old said she was a bit scared whereas 7 year old didn't care. It was about a 10 minute journey from Nan's to great nans.

I gave DP a call after dropping them off just to let him know which has now escalated to him and his ex arguing and her saying the kids can't come away with us on Thursday. DP said this is my fault for telling him as I knew how he would react and nothing good would have came from it.

AIBU to have told him what his kids told me? I thought as he is their dad he should know but maybe I am wrong?

OP posts:
PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 21:07

But I don't get what could happen to them?
It's a licensed taxi and they all have GPS now it was a 10 minute ride with somebody waiting at the other end.
I would imagine this wasn't at midnight so during the day.

Crunchymum · 18/08/2019 21:08

Such a mess all round.

What were you hoping to achieve OP? And honest answer, how did you expect your partner to react to what you told him? That is key here. If you knew he was going to be really annoyed then yep you were being a real shit stirrer.

GPatz · 18/08/2019 21:08

'Really dont get why nobody believes op might have actually been concerned'.

Because for me, it was her update.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/08/2019 21:10

Are you being deliberately obtuse penny?
What if there was an accident? what if the driver was violent or inappropriate? (And it does happen so lets not pretend it doesnt)

A 6 and 7 yo wouldnt know what to do.

If youd be happy with that then fine. I wouldn't.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/08/2019 21:12

A booked licensed and traceable taxi with a company they have no doubt used before is not the same as flagging down a cab in the street. They were picked up from nans and dropped off at other nans and more than likely nan 2 text nan 1 to say they had arrived safely. Mum may well have known and said ok. When Dad has them Mum can't be dictating what he does and vice versa.

messolini9 · 18/08/2019 21:13

DP said this is my fault for telling him

Excellent, classic dick move, 10/10.

Sorry he's unable to manage his own emotions & actions, OP.
Good luck protecting him from anything he doesn't want to hear, for the rest of your life.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 18/08/2019 21:14

What's to be concerned about? It happened, it was a difficult situation for all involved and all parties tried their best, the kids were fine, it won't be a recurring thing. No need to be concerned or start stirring at all.

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 21:16

Are you being deliberately obtuse penny?
What if there was an accident? what if the driver was violent or inappropriate? (And it does happen so lets not pretend it doesnt)

Of course I am not. You just keep saying you are concerned but don't say why.

They could have an accident in the OPs car.

It's highly unlikely that a taxi driver would be violent or innapropriate to the children given that he has GPS so his office will know if he stops the car or goes a different way or takes longer than expected. Plus he will have another job lined up.
Also the taxi driver could have been female.

You do realise your children are more likely to be abused by a teacher than a taxi driver on a 10 minute journey but you send them to school for 6 hours a day on their own.

Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 18/08/2019 21:16

Sorry, how many people do you hear about getting raped by "licensed" taxi drivers. I live in a big city (not London) so it's not like the taxi drivers know their customers like I have seen in smaller towns

OP posts:
fluffyjumper · 18/08/2019 21:17

If I was the parent I would want to know. But I would also be happy to help transport the girls to thier nans.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/08/2019 21:17

When Dad has them Mum can't be dictating what he does and vice versa

Maybe not but he and op can be concerned.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/08/2019 21:18

penny theyre not left unattended with 1 teacher for 6 hours. Clearly you feel strongly about this as you do it.

I personally wouldn't do it.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/08/2019 21:19

If they had an accident in ops car op would be there ffs! Its entirely different.

JockTamsonsBairns · 18/08/2019 21:19

JoanMavis it's very much the norm in areas as rural as mine for primary aged children to travel to and from school by pre-booked taxi. I'd say around a third of the pupils at my dcs' school use this mode of transport. It's obviously rare, or unheard of, where you live?

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 21:20

Give over OP this was not one of those situations and frankly the victims are 98% women.
You knew exactly what you were doing when you told him.
It's sad that the children are missing out on a holiday but that's down to you and their father.

HaileySherman · 18/08/2019 21:20

Whether or not your intention was to shit-stir, presumably you married an adult, so I'd say HE is 100% responsible for his own reaction. Ridiculous of him to blame you for how he acted because you "know how he'd react"

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/08/2019 21:21

And saying "ahh its fine nothing bad happened the kids are alright" is bollocks. A kid could run into a road and be ok but you wouldn't let them do it again.

Ginger1982 · 18/08/2019 21:21

Sounds like your DH is at fault here. He obviously couldn't be adult enough to have a sensible conversation with his ex.

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/08/2019 21:21

Yes jock its not a thing here. I dont know one single person whod think it was ok.

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 21:22

If they had an accident in ops car op would be there ffs! Its entirely different.

How?
Are they not allowed in anyone's car but the parents? OP is not their parent and was a stranger to the children at one time.
No friends parents car or relatives?

hsegfiugseskufh · 18/08/2019 21:24

A step mum is very different to a random taxi driver, dont you think?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 18/08/2019 21:24

The only people I have heard of being raped by 'licensed ' taxi drivers are ones that are picked up from the street not booked in advance. I live in a big city (not London) as well and when I book a taxi I get a message telling me it is arriving, what type of car it is and the reg number. That helps ensure it is indeed a licensed taxi not someone pretending to be one.

Nanny0gg · 18/08/2019 21:28

6 and 7 is too young to be in a taxi with a stranger. I would be concerned what could happen to them! Whats weird about that?

You do know that many children are taken to school every day in a taxi, don't you?

Licensed car, no problem.

PennysPocket · 18/08/2019 21:28

A step mum is very different to a random taxi driver, dont you think?

Of course but I don't see why there should be anymore concern for a taxi accident or SM accident. Both would be traumatic and given it was such a short distance I don't see why it's a big worry.

We won't agree and that's fine by me it just amuses me that some posters are so scared of the world around them they can't explain it but frown on others who don't share their anxiety.

justasking111 · 18/08/2019 21:29

My OH would go off on one like this. I know how to keep a secret when it will just cause ill will as in this case. The DCs and I often filter stuff.

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