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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this my fault?

244 replies

mmmcflurrys · 18/08/2019 17:06

Today I was dropping my step children, both girls aged 6&7 back to their mums.

Their mum has a little boy who was in hospital for a few days with tonsillitis, so kids were staying with us and then both nan and great nan (her side). So on the way they said "Did you know me and sis got a taxi on our own when baby was poorly" I said "Ooh that's an exciting experience, how did you feel?" 6 year old said she was a bit scared whereas 7 year old didn't care. It was about a 10 minute journey from Nan's to great nans.

I gave DP a call after dropping them off just to let him know which has now escalated to him and his ex arguing and her saying the kids can't come away with us on Thursday. DP said this is my fault for telling him as I knew how he would react and nothing good would have came from it.

AIBU to have told him what his kids told me? I thought as he is their dad he should know but maybe I am wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 19/08/2019 10:48

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl I feel like we are soul sisters 😂

OP posts:
Cassilis · 19/08/2019 11:18

She tells him something that really isn’t a problem, really isn’t her business, because she wanted to cause more problems for the ex, and because she knew he would kick off, and you you accuse him of gaslighting?

Oh give over, a 6yo and 7yo going somewhere by taxi by themselves is unusual enough to be commented on by anyone, and Op was telling their FATHER for goodness sake.

Sotiredofthislife · 19/08/2019 15:07

sotired well that is shit, but with respect isn't comparable with this situation

With respect, I previously mentioned a similar situation I was in. But you, as per usual, decided to attack with ‘but your ex just cares about his kids’. No, he doesn’t. Just as many, many posters here can see is the case with the OP. Perhaps if you got off your ‘all mums are shit’ high horse and looked for a bigger picture sometimes?

hsegfiugseskufh · 19/08/2019 15:15

sotired

eh? I don't think all mums are shit at all! I am one for Christ sakes!

I think some mums are shit, which upsets mners because if you've given birth you are a saint in their eyes.

without the context you have now provided it just sounded like you were berating your ex for being bothered. Just like people are berating OP for being bothered.

You don't KNOW that the op doesn't care about the kids, and ok I don't KNOW that she does but I would suggest she wouldn't have even said anything if she genuinely didn't give a shit about them.

the situation you're in seems to be clouding your view because you have just assumed that OP is behaving as your ex does, when you have pretty much nothing to base that on!

whattodowith · 19/08/2019 15:22

Kids get taxis alone quite a lot in the real world. They’re 6 and 7 so not babies. He really needs to get a grip.

Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 19/08/2019 16:20

@whattodowith some kids get pregnant at 13 and smoke at 10! Just because it's the "norm" to some people it isn't to us.

OP posts:
whattodowith · 19/08/2019 16:29

You can hardly equate getting pregnant at 13 with getting a taxi alone at 6 and 7. I’m assuming one adult put them into the taxi then the other adult met them at the other side. It was a ten minute journey as well, I really can’t see a problem with it. What do you think could have happened exactly?

Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 19/08/2019 17:19

@whattodowith Nan should have got into the taxi to great nans with them like they had been doing any other time. It wasn't an emergency or any high pressure situation it was just laziness.

OP posts:
PeggySueOooOo · 19/08/2019 17:31

A 6 year old tells an (technically) unrelated adult they got a taxi unsupervised and was scared. How is it unreasonable for that adult to pass that information on to the appropriate person for them to decide if it is an issue or not.

FlamedToACrisp · 19/08/2019 21:50

By the way, OP, the number of licensed taxi drivers charged with rape or sexual offences in London in 2017 was... 0.

tfl.gov.uk/corporate/safety-and-security/security-on-the-network/tph-related-sexual-offences#on-this-page-1

hsegfiugseskufh · 19/08/2019 22:34

Charged..... means nothing...

MollyButton · 20/08/2019 07:39

@JoanMavisIcecreamGirl Charged..... means nothing...

Oh really so you prefer the fake statistics of stories told in the pub?
And if there is somewhere you would report an assault it would be a London Taxi - they are so easy to report. And even if it didn't proceed to court, the driver could easily have their license revoked.
But actually the suspicion on this thread is why a lot of Taxi drivers would refuse to take unaccompanied children - unless it was part of a specialist service.

hsegfiugseskufh · 20/08/2019 07:55

No but i think we all know that many rapists never even get reported let alone charged.

toomuchtooold · 20/08/2019 08:09

DP said this is my fault for telling him as I knew how he would react and nothing good would have came from it

Now we know why his ex dumped him. Having fun being responsible for all his emotions?

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 20/08/2019 08:15

Another thread where the stepmum can never win.

Expected to give lifts, do washing, cooking, cleaning, a nice bedroom in a nice house, play with them, feed them, take them out, take them on holidays, pay for stuff for them.

Apparently daring to get involved even loosely in anything more important is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, YOU'RE INSIGNIFICANT.

Give it a rest. OP, you have done nothing wrong.

Original poster
mmmcflurrys · 20/08/2019 13:52

@toomuchtooold I don't understand the nasty tone to your response? Why would I be having fun? Hence the reason of this thread.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 20/08/2019 14:14

What I don’t get is that the step mother bit is immaterial she told him something he acted on it blamed her for his reaction and then lied about the consequences. Nothing there indicates her relationship to the girls matters at all. It’s purely a relationship one

OP have you addressed your real issue at all

blackcat86 · 20/08/2019 14:22

You absolutely did the right thing telling him. You are not the parent and have no PR so any concerns must be discussed with someone who does. That isn't shit stirring, its trusting your instincts and as someone who works in safeguarding you handled that conservation really well. Sadly you've fallen into the sm trap where everything becomes your fault and the parents don't take responsibility for their shitty behaviour. Mum putting young DC in a taxi and then not telling dad (I understand it was an emergency but it should be done openly) - shitty behaviour. Dad being argumentative with mum - shitty behaviour. Mum saying the DC now can't come away with you both - shitty behaviour. I would be clear with your partner that given how he feels you wont be helping in anyway with childcare anymore. Him or mum can organise transport that doesn't involve you.

Scorpiovenus · 20/08/2019 14:29

He needs to man up and take responsibility for his actions. He cant control himself its his own stupid fault.

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