Is this my fault?

[mmmcflurrys]

Today I was dropping my step children, both girls aged 6&7 back to their mums.

Their mum has a little boy who was in hospital for a few days with tonsillitis, so kids were staying with us and then both nan and great nan (her side). So on the way they said "Did you know me and sis got a taxi on our own when baby was poorly" I said "Ooh that's an exciting experience, how did you feel?" 6 year old said she was a bit scared whereas 7 year old didn't care. It was about a 10 minute journey from Nan's to great nans.

I gave DP a call after dropping them off just to let him know which has now escalated to him and his ex arguing and her saying the kids can't come away with us on Thursday. DP said this is my fault for telling him as I knew how he would react and nothing good would have came from it.

AIBU to have told him what his kids told me? I thought as he is their dad he should know but maybe I am wrong?

It was a one off emergency though. If your dh got cross with his ex about it, he should apologise. It’s not ideal, but What else could she have done?

It’s not your fault though, unless you encouraged his anger about it all.

I'm in two minds on this

He is responsible for his reactions, that's his issue but I'm also wondering whether it was necessary to pass this on

Pure shit stirring.
A one off emergency situation. Have you any empathy?
Where were you or the Dad when you could have helped out? Or maybe the mum knows you can't be relied on in an emergency?
To answer your question, Yes. It's your fault.

I have a feeling there's a big drip coming very shortly

A no-win situation for you!

Ask your dp how he would've felt being lied to? You did absolutely the right thing all round.

They are both idiots!

He sounds awful children get taxis to school all the time it sounds like an unavoidable option whilst dealing with a difficult situation

The fact he overreacted and was aggressive to her and then you (and blamed you for his reaction) is on him and a huge red flag

It's really a no win situation for you. If he'd found out and you hadn't told him, you'd likely be in shit too.

If the girls had told him, would he have been annoyed or angry with them? Why is he angry with you then? Why are you in control of his emotions?

Sounds like you told him just to stir. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with two primary school children in a reputable taxi company being met at the other end. Presumably the mum/gran had no other option

Calling him on the phone straight after dropping them off does sound like shit stirring, yes tbh. Why didn't you wait until you saw him face-to-face? Why did he contact his ex when it was one of the Nans that put the children in a taxi?!

I agree you were shit stirring.

There was no need to mention it at all. Its not like he asked you about it.
Did you rub your hands with glee at the thought of telling him knowing it would cause trouble

Also he's a dick for carrying on about it.
They were in a traceable taxi, expected at the other end and it was clearly an emergency.

I wouldn't have said anything, personally. You must know your DP quite well to have known he would be unhappy. BUT, his reaction is his. Don't apologise - have you asked him if he would rather have known or not?

How would he have reacted if he ended up finding out and then found out that you knew and didn't tell him? I bet he wouldn't be happy with that either.

Sounds like an emergency situation and their mum was doing the best she could under the circumstances. The children were being met at the other end.

She didn't send them out to stand in the street in the dark trying to hail a taxi.

Why you felt the need to phone him to tell him this bit of information, only you know. It wasn't something that was so urgent, surely.

All a mountain out of a molehill.

What would you have done in her situation OP?

Firstly, the hirks’ Mum or one of the Nan’s are allowed to make decisions about what’s ok & what’s not ok for them- they do not need his permission. So it’s got fuck all to do with him. & yes, why could he not be relied on to help?

You over reacted by rushing to tell him by text instead of waiting to tell him in person and you both over reacted to a fairly mundane bloody event.

But mostly this is about your DP not being able to act like an adult it’s HIS responsibility to control himself, not everyone else’s to pussy foot around him. It’s not unsurprising he has an ex who is the mother of his children when he acts like a child himself.

Do you really want to spend the rest if your life being held responsible for his reactions ?

I wouldn’t.

Quite agree with PPs that it was a comparatively safe decision which was theirs to make and your DP should control his own reactions!

I don't particularly think you were shit stirring. But I do think it's a shame his ex feels that the children are pawns she can use in power battles. What has this disagreement got to do with whether the children can go away with you and DH?

Whilst I don't think it's your fault per se.. your DH should be plenty aware of his 'reactions' and how to control them but I don't see why you had to call him to tell him - could you really not even wait until you saw him?

Not your fault at all. I would want to know if it was my kids.

You were stirring, he over reacted.

It was an emergency situation and they did their best by the sounds of it.

You and your dh sound like one of those couples who thrive on a drama tbh.

Its not your fault , everyone has different ideas of what is acceptable. The child was afraid and you rightly told her father. What is wrong is his reaction to this and to lay blame with you. The poor kids are suffering because of adults who cant agree on the same ground rules .

They travelled in a taxi...
Not out joyriding.
Wtaf??

How is it stirring being worried about kids too young to be unnatended in a taxi?

He needs to examine why he feels the need to have kicked off at his ex for doing what she needed to do when one of her children was ill. Had she asked her ex, would he have helped? Without any doubt? Or would he have helped and reminded her about it again and again and again,

If the taxi was registered, the driver would have had a DBS check.

If it was a proper registered taxi then they're not too young to travel in one. Kids go to school by taxi all the time. 🤷

If I were in your shoes he'd be doing his own bloody pick up and drop offs from now on

He is an adult and can control his anger if he chooses. What would happen if he had found out another way, and realised you knew and hadn't said? Is he seriously asking you to keep him in the dark about things that might upset him in the future , incase he cant control himself?!