How to stop requests for play dates?

[Arrow20]

Posting here for traffic.

I have a six year old daughter.

There is a girl in her class who has taken a real shine to her over the last year. The mum of this girl is very keen for them to be friends and play outside of school. I find her to be quite pushy and there have been some issues with this girl, pinching, shoving (not just my daughter) and generally being quite unkind at times.

I have also witnessed this girls behaviour at class parties so it's not just here-say. She's not all bad and can play nicely, but just as quickly can start being quite nasty.

So, the mum has contacted me several times over the summer holidays asking to meet up. I asked my daughter if she wanted to and got a resounding no so have tried to make polite excuses but I am running out of ideas.

The mum has just messaged me again this evening, clearly not getting the hint and I just don't know what to say aside from 'we're busy' yet again.

Is there any polite way of being honest about the situation or am I going to end up offending her? I hate any kind of confrontation but at the same time I'm not going to force my daughter to spend time with someone outside of school who she's just not keen on.

Any ideas please?

Can you say that the DDs don't actually get on that well, so it's probably best not to meet up?
Or she's not allowed on playdates as you are focussing on family and schoolwork, and she needs her quiet time at home?
And end it with 'we'll let you know if that changes'

No advice but following with interest! One of Ds classmates regularly asks to come over and invites herself for play dates- she just lives down the road. The problem is that she and DS aren’t really friends (the don’t play together at school) and when she comes round she doesn’t engage with him- she just likes his toys!!

He has asked me not to let her around again this holidays, and I don’t know what to say without causing offence

She's said to me multiple times 'oh they're best friends'! Definitely not the case.

Because it's the summer hols, I haven't been able to say that she's tired after school.

Last school year I relented a couple of times and said ok we can meet up at the weekend, just to shut her up. I witnessed this girl grabbing and shoving my daughter and the mum just playing it down.

I might just have to get my big girl pants on and tell her no and the reason why but I'm just so bad at this kind of thing.

I would say it’s very kind but you’re having a break from play dates over the holidays and concentrating on family time/a break from school stuff.

I've said things along those lines, tried to be polite and given a myriad of other reasons, but still she asks

I feel that it's time to be blunt, I'm just pissed off that I have to be blunt and she won't jut accept my excuses I'm basically a massive coward but that's a whole other thread

Be a bit blunt. Tell her your DD says she doesn't want to.

"DD would rather not. They're not as friendly as you seem to think."
Using delaying excuses is pointless. Be honest without being unkind and repeat as necessary.

Just don't answer the texts.

I've got exactly the same. I've ended up just saying that we are spending time with family, want some time just us over the holidays before the next term starts.

I probably made an error meeting up with her before the holidays and now she thinks we're all best buds. I just felt cornered and harassed.

God I'm pathetic. I need some assertiveness lessons I think.

I wouldn't be blunt, but I can be a bit of a coward. Plus, knowing my luck if I was blunt to the Mother the children would decide they're best friends once they're back at school and I'd have to hide

Just say that you're sorry but you're busy for there's of the holidays and no doubt bump into her when school starts again.

Just ignore the messages?

Or tell her it won't work, you've seen her daughter pushing your DD.

You don't have to be blunt or rude but you can practice telling the truth without having to come up with excuses... It sounds exhausting just trying to avoid being honest. Put your energy into practising putting healthy boundaries in place..

If she can be nice can you not just meet up and get the mum to stay (meet in public) and if she turns nasty leave. She’s only a child, give her a chance.

Can you just say you're enjoying one to one time with your daughter

As already said

"DD doesn't want to."

I'm a coward too. Today I pretended my DD had been naughty and wasn't allowed friends around to play to get out of a playdate with a pushy mother who regularly tries to invite her DD to our house
I've also pretended DD is sick; is visiting relatives, or pretended I'm working or ill.
I've decided next time I'm just going to say we fancy a day at home relaxing.
Watching thread with interest.

I would text "I will let you know when we are free"

It sounds like the other mum may be trying to help her DD make friends. The advice on here when children are struggling to make friends is almost always to try and arrange playdates. That looks to be what this mum is trying to do.
The suggestion on just replying "we don't want to" is actually pretty unnecessarily blunt and rude, especially if this child is struggling. Believe me, as the parent of an ADHD child, desperately trying to guide and support my daughter with friendship, a reply like that can be very damaging.
Having said that though, you can't force friendships and I understand your DD won't want a playdate with someone she doesn't enjoy the company of.
Seeing it from both angles my suggestion would be to say you're quite busy but that you would be able to meet at the park for a while. That way you can be there and decide how long you stay. If the children get on, which they might, you can stay longer. If it's not going well you can make your excuses and leave.
That's what I would do anyway.

It doesn’t matter how, blunt or more excuses, as long as you keep saying No.

I used to do the "I'll let you know when we are free" thing. It does work, eventually. And it doesn't hurt anyone.

Ignor messages ,just delegate them,be smiley when you see her ,if she asks you didn’t get the messages ..then try to avoid her and have plenty of excuses to why you can’t meet ...no point causing bad feeling if you have to see her every day at school pick up

Delete

Lindy 2
The ops child does not want to meet this child ..w hy should she have to

She's said to me multiple times 'oh they're best friends'! Definitely not the case.

“DD says they’re not”. Then stop replying.

Seeing it from both angles my suggestion would be to say you're quite busy but that you would be able to meet at the park for a while.

OP has already given in and met up with them and then seen the other girl hurting her DD. DD when asked has clearly said she doesn’t want to see the girl and it’s OP’s job to respect that.