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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sad my ds gf of 3 months has discovered she's 23 weeks pregnant

289 replies

Monty27 · 16/08/2019 03:01

Gf has been to abort the baby today and they refused it as she's 22+ gestation. She just found out on Monday and thought she was about 6 weeks which would have meant my ds was the father. She was still going to abort.
My ds doesn't know how to handle it. Neither do I.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 16/08/2019 03:04

You handle it by accepting it wasn't your choice or your DS' choice and now she's going to have to cope with a baby and all that brings.

Original poster
Monty27 · 16/08/2019 03:07

@HennyPennyHorror that's just what I'm doing. Thank you for your reassurance. That's exactly what I needed. Star

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 16/08/2019 03:11

I just realised...so this means your DS is not the Father?

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 16/08/2019 03:20

Why was she refused a termination?

TumblingTumbleWeeds · 16/08/2019 03:21

This reply has been deleted

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quizqueen · 16/08/2019 03:25

If she doesn't want the baby, there are plenty of people out there waiting to adopt.

HennyPennyHorror · 16/08/2019 03:26

Tumbling you're being very judgemental. Lots of women have irregular periods.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2019 03:33

Your son should run for the hills.

SaraNade · 16/08/2019 03:40

@HennyPennyHorror At 23 weeks, you show.

Derbee · 16/08/2019 03:41

I would suggest to my son he call off the relationship. After only 3 months, it’s not his circus, not his monkey. I do feel sorry for her, but it’s not your sons problem unfortunately

Purpleartichoke · 16/08/2019 03:41

Not sure how old your son is. If he is 30 and he is mature enough to know what he truly wants in life, and this is the love of his life, he figures out if he can handle being a step-dad to an infant. Otherwise he says “have a nice life” as he waves goodbye.

Number3or4 · 16/08/2019 03:47

@SaraNade, not everyone shows at that stage. I personally didn't but I knew from seeing a bfp on a pregnancy test and lack of monthly bleeding.

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 16/08/2019 03:51

How old is your DS? I'm another who'd be reminding him he still has options to walk away as it's such early days in the relationship & it's not his child.

Ilady · 16/08/2019 03:51

How could she get to that stage of pregnancy and think she was just a few weeks gone? I know woman with irrigular periods but if they had not got a period in a few weeks they would do a pregnancy test.
If I was in his situation I would end things with her. It not his responsibility to support her now or bring up a child that is not his.
I wonder does she know who the father of the child is?

Number3or4 · 16/08/2019 03:56

@Monty27, I would just support my son and remind him of the fact that she was going to abort no matter what. It was not him she wanted to abort but the pregnancy. Circumstance changed, it is likely to get messy now. By messy I mean, she should tell the father of the baby if she knows who it is and having an ex involved can be very challenging. There is potentially lot of drama. It is simpler to leave but if he decides to stick by her, grit your teeth and the drama might get to him all by itself.

user1483387154 · 16/08/2019 04:00

I would advise that he leaves the relationship. they have only just started dating and it would not be good for him to take on a daddy role when they dont even know if they want to be together yet.

BlackCatSleeping · 16/08/2019 04:00

Some women bleed monthly even when pregnant.

There's no point in judging the situation. How old is your son?

MyOtherProfile · 16/08/2019 04:06

Horrible speculation that she may not know who the father is. For all we know she could have been in a LTR before OPs son but people are talking about her as if she's some stupid slutty girl who wouldn't remember who she slept with when.

Original poster
Monty27 · 16/08/2019 04:06

She's not showing. I saw her about a week ago.
I just wanted reassurance that I'm treating the situation properly.
I am gutted for everyone involved.
For her mostly. Who only knows how she's going to deal with it. I don't know her very well.
As for Ds he simply said he's not prepared to bring up someone else's child. But he seems to have feelings for her thank goodness. He hasn't cut and run yet. But it's just been a few days for either of them to absorb it.

OP posts:
TheBadCop · 16/08/2019 04:08

@HennyPennyHorror At 23 weeks, you show

I never showed at 23 weeks and I am slim (but tall).

some women have regular periods throughout their pregnancy... some contraception stops periods so she may not have noted the absence of a period.... gosh, some are judgemental.

OP, what a shock. As the relationship is still new, I probably would encourage DS to walk away. how old is he?

SaraNade · 16/08/2019 04:13

I stand corrected.

Beebeezed · 16/08/2019 04:21

How old is your son?

WishingILivedOnAnIsland · 16/08/2019 04:26

If they've only been together 3 months and you don't know her very well, I don't see that you have a role to play in this at all beyond respecting your adult son's decisions about his own relationships.

Really difficult situation for the pregnant woman. But you're on the periphery to the whole drama, so keep that in mind and don't put your two cents in in case it comes back to bite you.

HennyPennyHorror · 16/08/2019 04:27

Sara who is "You"?? Not everyone shows you know! I was barely showing for most of my pregnancy with DD1.

SockMachine · 16/08/2019 04:28

He needs to get an STD check as he has clearly had unprotected sex to have thought it his.