To be sad my ds gf of 3 months has discovered she's 23 weeks pregnant

[Monty27]

Gf has been to abort the baby today and they refused it as she's 22+ gestation. She just found out on Monday and thought she was about 6 weeks which would have meant my ds was the father. She was still going to abort.
My ds doesn't know how to handle it. Neither do I.
Any thoughts?

Th I'm not sure the point of this thread?

Op says in very first post As for Ds he simply said he's not prepared to bring up someone else's child.

So that's that. Not sure what this bunfighting is about

All this bollocks about what you should be advising them to do, as if your DS was 15. No wonder we get threads on MN about awful interfering MILs

What a weird outlook you have. You think 23 is so different to 15 years of age, that at 23 you suddenly know everything. Do you really think that a mother is interfering because she’s worried that her sons girlfriend of 3 months has just found out she’s pregnant with someone else’s baby?

You honestly think she should just let him get on with it on his own?

I grew up with a mum who would have advised me strongly. I ignored her advice as soon as I left home. If I had been in this situation I would have sought advice from friends, but ignored what my mother said

So your friends would have known better than your mum? Your mum who was older, more experienced and who would have definitely had your best interests at heart?

Yeah I'm the first to criticise an over involved MIL but I don't see that here at all. They aren't married or even committed and any decent parent would try to prevent their child's life turning into a shitshow if they could.

This

Well of course.

I Think that you are an amazing mother. For any child to have an open and honest relationship with their parent, at any age, is often NOT the norm these days.
Perhaps they can look into private termination, Marie stopes organisation may be able to help.
A suggestion?
Maybe they could speak to her mother together and explain the situation.
Or, maybe their plan is to terminate, with your son supporting his gf, then explain. Either way, they are very lucky to have your support.

I feel for everyone involved, the GF, DS, both DM's and other relatives. I offered what happened with me as I was meant to be an abortion around 7 months. My Mother was still quite early on into her relationship with my Dad, he & his family weren't having any of the other options, he was happy to be a Dad. He was and is the most amazing Dad ever, even being a single parent when state help wasn't a thing. (Back is the 70's & 80's you got barely anything for your DC)

Obviously it's her choice, I can't imagine how this won't impact things, in her life, in your lives, short term & long term.

You are lovely, please ignore all negativity, I would frequently talk to my Grandmother about all sorts, right until she died. I valued her opinion, as someone who had been there and experienced lots. Peers are unlikely to really see it like a parent or grandparent. Peers in this age bracket are just gaining knowledge and experience.

I wish you all the very best.

Thank you again everyone. Your support is heartwarming.
@PhilCornwall1 I will not subscribe to lying to anyone. Particularly GFS DM.
I have a vague update.
DS met Gf for lunch yesterday and again today. Gf has another appointment tomorrow elsewhere and is hoping for a termination. I don't know where she went last week and I don't know where she's going tomorrow. I asked DS if he was going to accompany her, he's not. I don't know who is.
I seriously wouldn't push it with questions. I'll take it at his speed.
I feel so awful for her. However I said 'poor girl' to DS and he said she shouldn't lie about contraception. I said I suppose it's a lesson she'll never forget. End of conversation.
Sigh.
Btw yesterday after he had lunch with her I asked him if she'd told the child's df. He said no because she's not 100% sure. End of conversation.

I know it’s her choice to terminate but it’s bloody horrific so late in her pregnancy. Poor baby and poor her. This is something that’s going to haunt her for the rest of her life.

@Monty27 I think the relationship is coming to a natural end, I think that's probably best. I hope the girl has the support of her family and that of the DF is she chooses to tell him.

I wish you and your DS well you sound like a good supportive mother.

I must say, I genuinely admire your restraint. It must be gutting to know another mother somewhere is badmouthing your son for getting her daughter pregnant and then leaving her unsupported. I suppose if gf ends up going through the pregnancy she'll soon find out the truth about the dates, but even so, I would find keeping my beaky nose out of it, even to the extent of not urging this or that course of action on DS, very difficult. Good on you, OP.

@Monty27 Can i just say what a wonderful mother you are.The fact your son can talk to you like this is brilliant.I still can confide and trust my mum 100% and Im well in my 30s.I thank God for my wonderful Mum everyday x

Totally agree @InvernessAdventure x

I agree @NoSauce. A termination at that stage is traumatic to say the least, she will have to give birth to a dead baby.