AIBU to be annoyed with very loud toddler on rush hour train?

[custarddonut]

On a packed commuter train this morning was an incredibly noisy toddler (he must have been around 3 – 3 and a half or so). As I got on the train he was raging, mid-tantrum, wailing that he wanted a particular seat on the train, and that he wanted the train to be going the other way to the direction it was actually travelling in. This was actually quite funny, if annoying, and went on for about 10 minutes. His mother was very nice and calm, didn’t really do or say much but eventually he stopped with his tantrum. However, for the rest of the journey, he was talking in what I can only think was the very top of his voice, narrating the things he saw, just general toddler chat I suppose (it was quite sweet really). His mother was sort of engaging with him in a nice way. But my genuine question is whether parents should try and help toddlers to moderate their speaking volume sometimes, or is this just a ridiculous / unreasonable thought / an absolute fantasy? For context, it was a rush hour train, most people looked like they might have been trying to read newspapers / check work emails etc. Everyone has an equal right to be on any train they like but I just wonder whether one should expect a bit more peace and quiet in rush hour? Or am I mad to think that you can ever expect to moderate or control how a toddler speaks or indeed the volume of it? Currently expecting my first child and I have no idea how I would personally approach this, but I am conscious that I found the toddler this morning incredibly irritating and distracting. AIBU?

The more you moderate my ds the louder he gets. Its sweet that he's excited and the mom sounds like she was really trying with him etc.
My ds screamed for whole of a 2hr flight. It was hell on earth and nothing would console him. Soemtiems they are hard work

Oh sweetheart, this thread won't go well for you. Pregnant woman judging other people's parenting isn't a good look.

He sounds exactly like my 3 year old who behaved very similarly on the metro in France . Yes I was embarrassed but I have learnt from grueling experience that there is simply no other way with him . He is my third child - my other two would have responded very well to a gentle 'ssh' or 'let's speak a bit quietly ' or some other calming measures . My son on the other hand is prone to massive tantrums especially in public and nothing works , all I can do is remain calm and engage him. Sounds like his mother was doing the best she could .

You ANBU to be annoyed but YABVU if you honestly expect a stressed parent on a crowded train to be able to moderate an excited toddler.

Toddlers just are incredibly irritating and distracting. You can try getting them to talk more quietly but it'll last about 0.6 seconds before their voice returns to Brian Blessed levels.

Wait until you've tried!
Just to be clear, you're moaning about a toddler talking?
Do you know how ridiculous you sound?! That child has just as much right to ride the train at whatever time they like as anyone else does.
Toddler bable is hilarious as well

Toddlers are loud and people have to go places! Presumably they were on that train because they had to be in a certain place for a certain time and that was the one that would get them there. I have a 2 year old and the more you try to calm him down the louder and more wild he gets, ignoring him (within reason) is the only way to get him to stop.

But my genuine question is whether parents should try and help toddlers to moderate their speaking volume sometimes,

One of my favourite phrases in that sort of situation was always, “There are other people here too....”. It’s a bit too draconian - and miserable for everyone - to make kids sit in silence and there’s no reason why a child talking is any worse than two people having a tedious conversation about the football/the weather/their wedding/their boss. But teaching kids from an early age (or trying to - doesn’t always work 😂) to have a bit of consideration for others and to consider their circumstances is never a bad thing.

What planet are you living on???

Firstly, congrats on the pregnancy. I hope all goes well, it sounds as if it's your first.

There could be anything at play here.

Could be a neurodiverse child who can't quite align his needs/wants with whats actually happening, struggles with crowds etc.
Could be a child who's had a terrible night's sleep.

YABU for judging. The mother did what she thought was best, no one deserves judgement for that.
I do hope you have the perfectly behaved and moderated child you wish for but it's just not reality for most people.

I’m going to agree with you, OP. Of course the mother and toddler have every right to be on the train and she can’t do anything about the tantrum, it sounds like the mum did her best (and there’s a reason I always travel with headphones).

But the volume / annoyance of other passengers afterwards, I do feel like the mother should have made some effort to calm / quieten her child. No commuter wants to be on that train, it’s a miserable time of day as it is without being irritated / disturbed by a loud toddler. I get that toddlers are toddlers, but it may have placated the irritation of other passengers if they could see that the mother was at least trying.

I often feel like parents of young children are completely oblivious to anyone else. Are we meant to think their loud offspring are cute?? (Clearly this is a sweeping judgement but it based on experience and doesn’t apply to all, before I get flamed!)

Well I’m sat on a very busy train opposite a woman who had just filed her nails , then applied 3 different types of nail varnish. She’s also spoken very LOUDLY on a phone call, and we are the Quiet Zone. I’ve put my ear phones on to shut her out.

At least toddlers can’t help being toddlers, unlike grown women.

I remember pre children looking at other tantruming children in supermarkets etc, thinking I’d control my child, they won’t act like that.

Guess what they did, and at times there was nothing I could do to calm it.
Children will be children. So yabu sorry.

Just put head phones in. I've been on trains where grown adults talking on their phones have made more noise than my toddler ever could. It's the joys of public transport.
Very easy to judge, maybe not that easy when it's your toddler.

YABU - it’s public transport, and that includes toddlers, noisy or otherwise.

Trains are exciting when you’re three!

Pwahahahaha. Reread your post 3 years down the line!

Yep, that's what toddlers are like. On the way home, when I get on at the terminus so time and space to move, I often do if there are kids in the carriage. They are often loud and they just keep talking.

And I have two under four myself.

I think grumpy commuters who think they own the world shouldn't be allowed on trains but that's probably impractical.

Is just a human child sing what human children do. Save this thread and have a look at it in three years' time and see what you think about how the mother did.

Lol wait til you have a toddler! Then come back and tell us how it's done!

Yeah I agree with you
Especially early in the morning...ffs
Take headphones

You are in for such a comeuppance OP. YABU.

A toddler who tantrums over the direction the train is moving is probably tired / grumpy enough that any attempt to sush will result in more screaming. The mother was probably well aware that the chat was loud and annoying (and embarrassed by this) but less disruptive then another tantrum.

Sorry but in a few years you will have similar decisions to make, and will look back and laugh at your current thinking.

You might want to bookmark this and return to it in 3 years, OP

YABU. You have no idea the child’s situation or what else was at play. Yes, noise is annoying but let it go. Toddlers are exhausting, especially in confined spaces. You were an annoying loud strop-monster on occasion when you were tiny and you’ll have one of your own soon enough.
A sense of sympathy and fellowship with another mother dealing with a difficult situation is a healthier response than fuming and judging.

What would you propose the mother do in this situation exactly? Obviously you can remind a toddler to use their quiet voice, but most of the time you have to pick your battles. What are you going to do if they ignore you? It's not easy to quieten down an excitable toddler. Would you rather they put some noisy crap on a tablet?

Sounds like damage limitation by mum to me. Loud toddler chat is better than louder screams... certainly my just turned 4yo only does quiet on her terms, attempting to shhh tends to make her louder. We are working on it... but doesn't work under pressure!