AIBU to be annoyed with very loud toddler on rush hour train?

[custarddonut]

On a packed commuter train this morning was an incredibly noisy toddler (he must have been around 3 – 3 and a half or so). As I got on the train he was raging, mid-tantrum, wailing that he wanted a particular seat on the train, and that he wanted the train to be going the other way to the direction it was actually travelling in. This was actually quite funny, if annoying, and went on for about 10 minutes. His mother was very nice and calm, didn’t really do or say much but eventually he stopped with his tantrum. However, for the rest of the journey, he was talking in what I can only think was the very top of his voice, narrating the things he saw, just general toddler chat I suppose (it was quite sweet really). His mother was sort of engaging with him in a nice way. But my genuine question is whether parents should try and help toddlers to moderate their speaking volume sometimes, or is this just a ridiculous / unreasonable thought / an absolute fantasy? For context, it was a rush hour train, most people looked like they might have been trying to read newspapers / check work emails etc. Everyone has an equal right to be on any train they like but I just wonder whether one should expect a bit more peace and quiet in rush hour? Or am I mad to think that you can ever expect to moderate or control how a toddler speaks or indeed the volume of it? Currently expecting my first child and I have no idea how I would personally approach this, but I am conscious that I found the toddler this morning incredibly irritating and distracting. AIBU?

Yeah I'm not looking forward to this stage with my DD! I can just about handle the random piercing shrieks at the moment as they're still kind of cute, but really loud talking puts my teeth on edge 😬

This is a phase three year olds go through! Well maybe boys but there is nothing we can do about it hence remaining calm and answering here and there is the only thing we can do. They are just figuring out their own selves but it doesn't last long. Embrace the world of three year olds as it passed by so quickly even if it's someone else's child.

YANBU to be irritated - toddlers are loud and irritating - but that woman could have been very limited in what she could do about it. Some kids get ten times louder if you try to quieten them.

A packed commuter train first thing in the morning is no parent’s idea of fun. It was probably a necessary evil and in that context I’d feel pity for them more than anything else.

If you think your own is going to sit bolt right with their arms folded you’re in a huge shock.

I get your irritation, I really do but it's not solely a commuter train - it's public transport and the child has as much right to be talking loudly unless all the other passengers are required to be quiet.
If it was my child I would have encouraged 'indoor voice' but I think there is an attitude in this country that children have fewer rights than adults to be in public spaces and therefore should be as unobtrusive as possible. That's not how it should be and you are kind of buying into the children should be seen and not heard mentality.
It's also really hard to get an enthusiastic child to be quieter.

If you find a way to get kids to be quiet please let me know, my 2 are always so loud, I live with a headache I tell my DS 2 to be quiet he puts his fingers to his lips sushes and carries on anyway. My DD is a bit older and will turn the volume down for a minute or two, then she is straight to full volume again. It's really embarrassing, when there is a group of quiet children and mine are loud, but I have a loud voice so it is just the way they are.

My toddler is that sort of age, looks just like any other toddler but has, in fact, been through more in their short life than most adults and sometimes is very loud as a result. If you met us in public you would have no way of knowing their history and that they are a child in the care system. Don't judge what you don't know.

YABVU

Agree look at this post in three years time!

Don't think the toddler cares if people are reading the newspaper or checking their work emails..... they're not wired that way.

Ah, I remember what great parenting skills I had before I had children too.

Some of the responses on her are AIBU st it's most annoying. The OP asked a genuine question, made it crystal clear that she was pondering rather than judging, as the whole issue was outside of her personal experience. Yet there are still some posters falling over themselves to accuse her of judging and generally be snotty.

And yes, you are allowed to post like that if you want to. But equally other people are allowed to say that you are painful for doing so.

OP YANBU to ask the question. My take on it would be that it depends on the circumstances. If she took the toddler on st that time for no good reason it would have been inconsiderate of her, but I doubt that she did, because you would have to be.a total loon to put yourself through that without needing to do so.

Absolutely the mother should have kept on reminding him to use a quieter voice. We've just returned from a camping trip with a toddler in the next pitch to ours and bring woken up with incessant toddler singing/ talking with zero attempt from parent to get her to be quiet was enraging. We would always remind our children to think of others and to be quiet and it worked - they're now considerate teenagers.

My DC was a loud toddler - because they had glue ear and couldn’t hear the sound of their own voice. I know people judged negatively but there was little we could do. You can’t tell a child to quieten down the whole time.

but it'll last about 0.6 seconds before their voice returns to Brian Blessed levels
Ha!

Op I would love you to report back here when the child you are carrying is 3

Firstly, congrats on the pregnancy. I hope all goes well, it sounds as if it's your first.

What gave it away? The part where OP explicitly said she's expecting her first child? Or did you just want to be condescending?

It's so easy to be a perfect parent when you don't have children.

Best of luck with the baby OP. You're going to need it.

Non issue

This thread is going to come back and bite you in 3 years time when you are struggling to drop your 3y old at holiday childcare with a rucksack full of stuff, a buggy and then get into work on time with clean clothes on and another rucksack with a heavy rucksack in it. You may then feel a twinge if judging guilt some years later, as I believe I may have done, when you're truing to do it with a toddler and a baby and a buggy board or, even worse, a child ( mummy, why is that man so fat?), a toddler (random noise) and a baby (waaaaaaah)!

Please revisit this thread then and accept the slap from karma.

And yes, children are allowed to travel in rush hour too, and sometimes even have to to allow their parents to work and pay for them. No sane person would do it if they didn't have to, trust me!

I was on an airport bus once with a mother and toddler. She pissed everyone off by bathing past everyone and loudly demanding a seat because she had a toddler. People give up seats for her easily but would have even if she'd asked nicely. She then proceeded to point out all the interesting things on a runway to her child, and while it was great to see her interaction with him, she absolutely bellowed at him. Absolute top of her lungs shouting could he see this, could he see that. There is no way that child would be learning to talk quietly when other people are there. I feel your pain, OP.

We weren't allowed to shout when we were children and mine are not allowed to shout either.

They don't come with a volume switch you know.

YABU
Sometimes as a parent you HAVE to take your children to places at times of the day you would rather not - it’s life!! I’m sure his mum would have loved to been anywhere but there at that moment in time even though his behaviour is quite normal for his age.
Children are part of our society and I just wish people would be more tolerant of them.
Good luck with your new baby, who will become a toddler/preschooler and will behave in this way at times, I hope that nobody ever makes you feel your child shouldn’t be there.

Heavy laptop in

YABU OP as someone with a toddler it's hard work. In most cases the parent may look like they are ignoring them. However it's often because acknowledging them encourages the behaviour even more. I feel for the mother I would hate to have to get a rush hour train with a toddler.
We were on a flight recently and for the first 15 minutes DD was screaming. I heard people looking and tutting. She then fell asleep for the rest of the flight. My DH is a lot more relaxed than me and just said if we worry over what others think we won't leave the house.
This was actually a contributing factor in my PND for the first 6 months of DDs life. I hardly left the house as I was constantly worrying about DD crying when we were out and not being able to calm her down.
I agree with saying 'I was an excellent parent until I actually became one.'

still loling at the toddler interupting people "trying to check work emails" - get used to doing that while under noise assault.

So mine is generally the type that would be fine as long as I was reading to her or she was playing stickers or on my phone. Some toddlers are not that type and it might have been a challenge getting the child to actually just sit down, particularly if he was kicking off about the direction Le travel