AIBU to be annoyed with very loud toddler on rush hour train?

[custarddonut]

On a packed commuter train this morning was an incredibly noisy toddler (he must have been around 3 – 3 and a half or so). As I got on the train he was raging, mid-tantrum, wailing that he wanted a particular seat on the train, and that he wanted the train to be going the other way to the direction it was actually travelling in. This was actually quite funny, if annoying, and went on for about 10 minutes. His mother was very nice and calm, didn’t really do or say much but eventually he stopped with his tantrum. However, for the rest of the journey, he was talking in what I can only think was the very top of his voice, narrating the things he saw, just general toddler chat I suppose (it was quite sweet really). His mother was sort of engaging with him in a nice way. But my genuine question is whether parents should try and help toddlers to moderate their speaking volume sometimes, or is this just a ridiculous / unreasonable thought / an absolute fantasy? For context, it was a rush hour train, most people looked like they might have been trying to read newspapers / check work emails etc. Everyone has an equal right to be on any train they like but I just wonder whether one should expect a bit more peace and quiet in rush hour? Or am I mad to think that you can ever expect to moderate or control how a toddler speaks or indeed the volume of it? Currently expecting my first child and I have no idea how I would personally approach this, but I am conscious that I found the toddler this morning incredibly irritating and distracting. AIBU?

Honestly, it's rush hour. A chattering toddler is the least of anyone's annoyance/distraction

Nasty, condescending, patronising comments.

I hate the whole PFB and "oh you wait" comments.

Bet some of the PP's kids are the entitled little shits who think they can do what they want when they want and everyone should just put up with it.

Bet some of the PP's kids are the entitled little shits who think they can do what they want when they want and everyone should just put up with it. yeah like those tutting fucking commuters who can't deal with a human child because of their VERY IMPORTANT work emails. Let's blame their mothers too. Might as well.

I hate the whole PFB and "oh you wait" comments

Me too, I didn't take my ds on planes and rush hour trains when he was tiny so he wouldn't annoy people. It's not that hard in most cases.

Yes they might have needed to be somewhere for a particular time (likely since rush hours trains are so much more expensive).

But often on the off-peak trains the parents see the big "quiet zone" signs on the carriage doors and get in anyway. (and you can't reserve on our trains so its not that they are being allocated seats in the quet zone).

Lovely attitude you have there VapeVamp12. You don’t have to have “little shits” to understand that sometimes other people’s children can be extremely annoying and loud, but a bit of empathy for the mother who was trying hard to placate her small son would go a long way.

We have no idea why this woman was taking her child on a rush hour train. Could be many different reasons.

Imagine being HER for 5 seconds eh? Knowing that people like the OP was judging her.

How about a bit of non-judgement and understanding of the OP who was asking a question rather than "lololololol you wait and come back to us in three years" comments.

My youngest genuinely struggles to control the volume of her voice. She has verbal dyspraxia and I'll take her voice volume lurching erratically between extremes sometimes versus her not being able to be understood at all which we've finally pushed through after a good year + of speech therapy. Wouldn't know it to look at her though - looks perfectly normal.

VapeVamp12 he was speaking slightly too loudly, that's the shitty behaviour - speaking. Are children entitled little shits in your opinion for chatting away quite sweetly (in the OP's own words) but slightly too loudly in the presence of other adults?

It's not the OP who is unreasonable, she's just a bit misguided and naive.

It's the sizable minority of posters competing to be the most outrageously middle class Victorian in their opinion that children should be seen (though not too often) and not heard and not speak unless addressed... Perhaps they think the same about women, given the proverb about being seen and not heard was originally about unmarried women not children at all...

For all those accusing me of judging the mother of the toddler, I actually said in my OP that I thought she engaged with him nicely / sweetly. That's not negative IMO.

You were still disapproving through OP.

I've also openly questioned if I am being barmy / an absolute fantasist, so there's no judgement from me (though I confess to finding the toddler a bit irritating, I have not apportioned blame to either him OR the mother)

The point is, a parent obviously can and should try to get their toddler to be as well-behaved as possible in this kind of situation. But sometimes it simply doesn't work. That mother has probably learnt through trial and error that the best method withher child is to be calm and pleasant and to engage him. It would be foolish (especially as a currently child-free person) to assume you know better.

*Nasty, condescending, patronising comments.

I hate the whole PFB and "oh you wait" comments.

Bet some of the PP's kids are the entitled little shits who think they can do what they want when they want and everyone should just put up with it.*
*
Summary :* your comments are so nasty. I bet your children are entitled little shits.

This thread is horrible.

OP, I don't think you need to defend yourself at all. Your question was perfectly reasonable.

I do my very best to avoid rush hour traffic on public transoprt with a small child, but sometimes it is unavoidable--essential appointments where that is the only time you can go in etc. Please try to keep an open mind on this, as you may b the one in this position in the future.

OP how’d you think the mum would feel if she read this thread? Which isn’t beyond the realms of possibility. She wouldn’t feel great would she?

@custarddonut I don't think you've been negative about the situation; you've asked a question about something you've stated you've not got personal experience in. Nothing wrong with that. It's just an emotive topic and people can sometimes be overly sensitive to things they can't control that potentially annoy others, such as most things to do with toddlers!

Save this thread and read it again in 3 years. You haven't got a clue.

YANBU

This is why I never get on a train/any public transport without noise cancelling headphones.

what do you do at home then? Have a screaming toddler non-stop for hours because he's not interested in anything? i don't buy it.

Toddlers at home are a totally different story. Home is home. Home is not an exciting train surrounded by different people and activities and noises.

I remember taking my DS on his first plane trip. I packed everything under the sun to occupy him, but a plane is such a different atmosphere and he flipped, went from my lovely calm little boy who would normally sleep on me no problem to a wide awake terror who went from shrieking laughter and babble to outright shrieking.

To top it all off the flight was full of soldiers on their way home from Afghanistan.

Luckily for me & Dh, those soldiers were all fathers and were so excited to be going home to see their kids that they took it upon themselves to entertain DS till he calmed down enough to sleep. I'm eternally grateful for that, and now, whenever I see a child being over excited or upset or loud on public transport I try to help the parents distract, rather than get pissy or irritated.

That's how people should react to upset/over excited children on public transport, not how the OP has.

Thank you to those posters who've realised that my intention has not been malice or judgement; and for the last time, I do NOT assume i know better than anyone else, hence posing the question.

I can't imagine the mother of the toddler would like to see this thread but such is the joy of anonymity I suppose. It's clearly a triggering debate and no offence intended to anyone.

YABU. It’s a train not a library and I don’t think anyone really has the right to expect working conditions on public transport.

Young children can be loud and very talkative (eyes motormouth dd who doesn’t shut up from waking to sleeping) and the mother probably knows her child well enough to know that him chatting happily is everyone’s best option opposed to him escaping his seat to explore or kicking off even if no one else knows it.

I know where you’re coming from OP and I am still irritated by disruptive children interrupting my lovely quiet commute escape from my own child but I also know that’s my problem and I would be very UR to voice it let alone expect it.

Better a chatty, loud toddler than smelling of alcohol commuter IMO.

As random suggested, it was probably damage limitation by the mum. I'm still asking mine to use their indoor voices a deacde on. You'd have judged more if she got out a roll of Duck Tape to shut him up .