AIBU to be annoyed with very loud toddler on rush hour train?

[custarddonut]

On a packed commuter train this morning was an incredibly noisy toddler (he must have been around 3 – 3 and a half or so). As I got on the train he was raging, mid-tantrum, wailing that he wanted a particular seat on the train, and that he wanted the train to be going the other way to the direction it was actually travelling in. This was actually quite funny, if annoying, and went on for about 10 minutes. His mother was very nice and calm, didn’t really do or say much but eventually he stopped with his tantrum. However, for the rest of the journey, he was talking in what I can only think was the very top of his voice, narrating the things he saw, just general toddler chat I suppose (it was quite sweet really). His mother was sort of engaging with him in a nice way. But my genuine question is whether parents should try and help toddlers to moderate their speaking volume sometimes, or is this just a ridiculous / unreasonable thought / an absolute fantasy? For context, it was a rush hour train, most people looked like they might have been trying to read newspapers / check work emails etc. Everyone has an equal right to be on any train they like but I just wonder whether one should expect a bit more peace and quiet in rush hour? Or am I mad to think that you can ever expect to moderate or control how a toddler speaks or indeed the volume of it? Currently expecting my first child and I have no idea how I would personally approach this, but I am conscious that I found the toddler this morning incredibly irritating and distracting. AIBU?

give her judgemental looks all the time with her 24 month old son

He’s 2! 2 years old, not 24 months FFS. 🙄

@oddsocks123 we disagree entirely on both your points.

I think parents should actively teach their children to consider others from a very young age so don’t disagree with the op at all.

And 3 year olds are definitely toddlers.

I think parents should actively teach their children to consider others from a very young age so don’t disagree with the op at all.

I completely agree. I don’t agree that children should be seen and not heard but I do agree that teaching children they can speak in a lower tone works. I did it with my children.

|I guess it is just about impossible to control a toddler. I had two (consecutively). Life is like that.
But the real issue is whether parents are entitled to make everyone else put up with it.
I would suggest "No".
It is part of the cost and responsibility of having children not to impose them on everyone else.
The word I want to emphasise is "Entitled".

😂😂😂😂😂

Come back to this thread in 18-24m OP

🤣

I used to be just like you OP. BC (before children), I had the opinion that my children would be well behaved, would never make a mess and I would absolutely never use the tv as a babysitter so I could do some washing.

I even put cream carpets throughout the house because my child would be taught not to make a mess.

I was judgey.

How naive was I!?

OP don't worry about the negative comments on here. As someone with no experience you don't know how toddlers behave. But you will and you'll look back on this and laugh.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

Mine is 18 months.
I would not tell her to be quieter or to stop talking on a rush hour train. She is learning about the world and will talk!!
I'm guessing this child was under 3- many look bigger for their age nowadays 😂
DH would probably tell her to talk quieter but up to/ around 3 if you are on a fine line where a tantrum is looming believe me you pick your battles requests/ orders and be tactful!

If people around can't deal with the noise of my child talking in a public place they can move. My child has manners and discipline but every child can strop!

Ah, we had the audacity to be on a train and tube today with dd(3) and I thought back to this thread!

I must say she was an absolute angel (quiet and mostly silent staring out the window) on the journey (we won’t talk about leaving the event we’d gone to) and I felt like the smug queen thinking of some of you

In truth though I just got lucky, other journey’s have been fully narrated beginning to end.

Unless the government (aka taxpayers) buy every Mum with young children a car to clog up the roads and increase air pollution, children will need to travel by train or bus. Sensible parents will try to distract and entertain a child, but it doesn't always help.

Many years ago a bus driver literally shouted at us because my 2 year old was talking incessantly and making a lot of noise. (not crying or throwing a tantrum, just babbling on). It was in the middle of the day, we were going to a hospital appointment, bus not even crowded.

I have never forgotten this, it was an extremely humiliating experience. It made me feel as if women and children had no place in society. I also doubted that the reaction would have been so extreme if the child's Father had been there.

GiggleMcDimples

We bought our current home when DS was 2, it came with carpets included and they were cream throughout. As soon as we could afford it the rapidly greying carpets were replaced, room by room.

OP are you in London/South East? Where I come from in Yorkshire, adults talk to each other on the morning commuter train so it’s not quiet at all...couldn’t believe the deathly silence when I moved to London...

Toddlers are untenable
They are at the stage of development where they are starting to realise they are a separate being to you therefore (but are still not old enough to understand the world & its rules) they tantrum at everything and have approximately a 3 minute attention span unless you entertain them. He wasn't misbehaving, screaming or rolling round the floor . So that's good . Anything else is quite hard. Parenting is hard. But I didn't know that before I had one.

They’re all different. Mine used to sit on my lap in silence grinning at people on trains, from really quite a young age. Same on planes. She’s a people person. That’s quite unusual though!

Occasionally I do think a bit of performance parenting works well in this scenario - “let’s play a whispering game and see how quietly we can talk!” - even if in works for only a minute other travellers know you are conscious of the noise levels and trying!

She was never a particularly loud child but we have had conversations indoor and outdoor voices!

YANBU

Children have particularly high pitched and grating voices, they are loud, inconsiderate and annoying. Because they are children. Save your breath trying to reason with them (and going by this thread, their parents). Always have headphones and music you like when you travel, much easier.

This will be me in two weeks with two smalll ones and a baby (God help me!). I will do my best to ensure my children are well behaved but given their ages I can’t make guarantees. I can only say that I will be doing my very best and the other adults, I’m sure, will get over the trauma of my child talking about Thomas the tank engine in a stage whisper.

I have a 9 year old and a 6 year old and they STILL make Brian Blessed sound like he's whispering. Doesn't matter how many times I tell them to keep the volume down, they quieten down for about 3 nanoseconds then it's full volume again. It's actually very wearing.

Yanbu..... just maybe she isn’t that good a parent ....shock ..horror!

Haven't rtwt, but it pretty much sounds as tho that was 'their normal' and they walked into 'your normal'. Your normal will soon become loud toddlers! It's just two very different worlds colliding. Neither world being wrong - just different. Unless it was a quiet carriage - the child has a right to express its self and the mother shouldn't feel pressure to quieten her child.

I've got 3 kids, two now adults and the 3rd about to leave school, and I totally agree with the OP!
Kids can be taught to moderate their noise levels without stopping their fun. There is no reason for them to scream, shout and noisily chatter their way through life while parents ignore their noisy annoying little darlings.
Respect for others should be taught from very early on, no shouting in public places, no banging on tables or kicking the chair in front etc. I am thoroughly sick of parents smiling indulgently at their noisy kids while every one around them fumes.

Sometimes reminding children there are voices for indoors and different voices for outside works.Playing games of whispering too but ultimately we want children to talk to us,to engage with us...to have a voice.Maybe earphones for you?

'Yanbu..... just maybe she isn’t that good a parent ....shock ..horror!'

I know the first thing the health visitor looks for when she comes out is to check the volume of my child's voice. She then offers hearty congratulations on my success as a parent when he talks under 50 dB.

He sounds like a normal 3 year old to me. You will think differently when your child is 3! Also surely chattering toddlers are no more annoying than people having very loud business meetings on their phones!

I see that SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine posts
Unless the government (aka taxpayers) buy every Mum with young children a car to clog up the roads and increase air pollution, children will need to travel by train or bus
That is obviously an ironic (or even sarcastic) post. But it is interesting that SummerBreezemakesmefeelfine thinks that the government/other people/the rest of us/whatever, should bend to the convenience of her children.
Perhaps the rest of us (commuters, tourists, whatever) should just get of the train/tube/bus, because she is more important than us?
I return to the word "Entitled".
By the way, I like the reference to the Isley Brothers' fine recording.

YABU. He will learn with time.