Man Walking Into The Toilet Whilst Child Using The Toilet

[TreeHuggerMom]

Hi,
I’m not sure if this post belongs in here but I just wanted to get other people’s opinions on a situation. Whilst at Soft Play today, my 8 year old son was using the toilet in a cubicle, the lock was broken so his older brother was next to the toilet guarding the door but you could see a child was inside using the toilet from the outside. A man walked in and went in front of my older son and pushed the door open and was looking down at my son’s private parts whilst he was going to the toilet, which lasted about 8 seconds. He then left and continued to wait out of the cubicle then my son left the toilet. Both my children came to me and told me that the man had been watching my son inside the cubicle whilst going to the toilet. I approached the guy who was quite hostile, whose mother then said “Don’t you start with us!”. I wasn’t hostile atall, I just stated calmly that my son said he entered the toilet whilst he was in there and watched him, he said he went into the toilet and was looking at the piss (his word) on the floor. I then said it didn’t give him the right to go into the toilet and invade his privacy because it made my son uncomfortable. He was again hostile and told me to go away. I then explained, as a parent, it is my duty to enquire because it clearly made my son very uncomfortable. Now I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to question him, I feel if I hadn’t I would have been dismissing my son’s concerns. I would never do something like this myself and can’t see any reason why he needed to enter the toilet whilst my son was going to the toilet.

Thanks in advance!

Ok, so I'm assuming here that no one is lying. However, the interpretation of events could be a number of scenarios.

1. Boy is in toilet, brother is standing guard outside, man walks in and pushes past brother knowing another child is in there, watches boy have a wee for a while, walks out.
2. Boy is in toilet. Brother is in area but not stood at the cubicle door. Man walks into cubicle, not knowing that it is occupied. Boy is messing about weeing on the floor. Man notices and glares at boy. Boys leave toilet, tell mum man was staring at genitals to try to deflect as they might get told off for weeing on the floor.
3. Man sees two boys walk into toilet, follows them in, watches one boy wee, walks out.

Any of those options could be the truth and fit in with what your boys told you. I'm hoping it was more like option 2 as I'm a great believer that the vast majority of men don't get their rocks off by watching small boys urinate in public places. OP, you then approached this man, who was with his mother ( not sure how you knew it was his mother though) and two older children, and made a serious accusation. Firstly, he is bound to be unfriendly with you doing this, you're potentially accusing him of being a paedophile, in public, in front of his family. And of course his mother is going to say something. If he was a paedophile, who did this a lot, I would guess he would have a plausible excuse ready to convince you of his innocence. I also doubt he would have even dared to enter the cubicle with intent as your older son was there as a witness. I could imagine it happening if your youngest was there on his own. Finally, I'm not sure why you didn't just go straight to the staff instead of approaching this man directly. I would have, and if I thought there was a modicum of truth in what my dcs told me I would have asked them to phone the police immediately. OP, I don't believe your boys have lied, but I do think nothing sinister went on.

Oh, and as for the pp who says a man locked himself in a toilet with her three year old, that's just batshit lying at its best. Not least because why would a toilet cubicle have both a urinal and an actual toilet in the same space? I can't imagine any scenario where someone would be having a shit whilst someone else was having a pee in a public toilet!!,

By saying he was viewing the pee is him trying to make it ok that he stood there for an unusually long time. He is basically saying he entered the cubicle, saw a boy, and decided to stay rather than coming out straight away.

You were brave to go and confront the man. I think I would have gone to the soft play supervisors and reported as well as rung the police. If they have CCTV maybe they could corroborate what the boys said. If your sons felt uncomfortable then that is enough of a situation for you to report it to the soft play a supervisors. Yanbu

@BeardyButton I thought that was so weird that I advance searched the poster. They seem to have a normal posting history.

Op, obviously what he did was insane, I can’t understand the boards of posters trying to justify watching a kid in a cubicle doing a wee.

Completely agree with criticisms of the snide comments re stopwatches and lying children etc. Horrible. OP read what freakshow said and think about contacting the police.

And soontobe the toilet the other poster mentioned was one small room with a locking door containing a urinal and an actual toilet. Made for one person to use at a time, rather like a downstairs loo in a house. Quite clear from what the poster wrote, so I don't know why the 'batshit lying' comment was necessary .

I don’t understand why everyone is so shocked that his mam was there. Me and my mam often take the kids to soft play together and I’m a fully grown woman..

Op good luck today in reporting the incident.
Ignore all The blamers and shamers.

Freddiefox-Yes it’s being dealt with as we speak. I am shocked by the amount of parents who think it’s acceptable on this thread, they are either lacking basic manners, or they are part of the growing problem with potential offenders, protecting them and making excuses. It’s not right at all and I know that myself. Thanks to you who expressed kind comments. I feel this thread no longer belongs on here and when I read through some comments I’m honestly gobsmacked at these people, who presumably are parents themselves. I will ask the moderators to delete the thread, as I no longer feel it belongs here.

@MargotLovedTom1
'And soontobe the toilet the other poster mentioned was one small room with a locking door containing a urinal and an actual toilet. Made for one person to use at a time, rather like a downstairs loo in a house. Quite clear from what the poster wrote, so I don't know why the 'batshit lying' comment was necessary hmm.'

Because it's not true🤔
Why on earth would someone pay to have both a toilet and a urinal in the same room? It's totally nonsense. Does your downstairs loo have both in? If so, you've got more money than sense.

Op, what did the police say?

@TreeHuggerMom - it's your thread and your decision, but I ask you to consider for a moment letting it stand.

I think it's really important to highlight just how pervasive the victim-blaming culture is, and to allow the many readers of this site who perhaps don't post here the opportunity to see how damaging and dangerous such attitudes are.

There are a good number of posters calling this BS for what it is. I think there's the very real possibility this thread might help someone else.

But as I said, it's completely your call.

Massive difference between victim blaming and believing everything that's on the Internet.

I don’t understand this site just now. People advise reporting things to the police at the drop of a hat yet a grown man going into a toilet cubicle with an eight year old is considered to be blown out of proportion and many are questioning the amount of time he was in there. What difference does that make? He shouldn’t have been in there at all. It’s weird behaviour and on any other day people would agree. Is it school holiday madness that this is suddenly excusable? The posters who claim it is might have a different view if it had been their child. How about we go back to common sense and stop disagreeing with everything.

My instincts would say that something was off. If both your boys were uncomfortable, the man must have made them feel that way. I’m quite shocked at the posters saying the 13 year old should have done or said more. 13 is still very young and at that age most would struggle to confront an adult stranger. Think about how many adults let things slide that they are uncomfortable with. A normal reaction to walking in on a child would be to say sorry and shut the door as fast as possible/ certainly not linger.

Sounds a bit peedy to me.. I would be calling the police at the apparent “piss checking” what a joke.

Contraceptionismyfriend

Massive difference between victim blaming and believing everything that's on the Internet.

There’s nothing to suggest the op is making anything up.

But if you do think that then report the thread.

There is a massive amount of victim blaming on this thread.this was just to children going for a wee they did nothing wrong.

I think some people on here should look at their own agendas and look at why they are blaming 2 children for an adults behaviour

It sounds like an odd situation all round.

I know my boys, they wouldn’t lie about this sort of thing. I’d like to think that I would have the courage to approach the man concerned if this happened to them. I think you’ve done the right thing.

Those of you pulling apart the boys behaviour - honestly it’s fine to think that your child might have misinterpreted an adults intent, it’s not fine to say they’re lying. Don’t dismiss your children’s feelings in preference for protecting a stranger.

FWIW I’ve walked in on more than one child using a toilet, happens fairly often when they’re old enough to go on their own while mum deals with a smaller child (for example) but mum won’t let them lock the door. Normal behaviour is to immediately back out with a brisk ‘sorry!’ not stand there for what feels like a long period of time.

Just really think for a second, how you would feel if a man came into a toliet that a woman was using and rather than apologise they stated at your vagina.
I can’t think of any scenario where I would walk into a men’s toliet, realise that it was the men’s and stare at a mans penis for 8 seconds and then comment on the piss on the floor

@Freddiefox why would I report it? I don't think OP is a troll.

If a man walked into the toilet and stared at my vagina I'd be more occupied with his X-ray vision.

f a man walked into the toilet and stared at my vagina I'd be more occupied with his X-ray vision.

What word to you use prefer I used then In internet conversation.

What word to you use prefer I used then In internet conversation.

Huh?

I have been in lots of pubs/clubs with 2 toilet cubicles, it is not that rare is it? Maybe it's a london thing? No cause for calling someone a liar just because of your own narrow experiences. Wow.

This thread is alarming.

Sorry this happened to your DS OP

FWIW I think what you have described is not right at all. A 13yr old would know whether it was 2 seconds or 8 seconds. Its a big difference. Hope you manage to get to the bottom of it with whoever this has been reported to