Man Walking Into The Toilet Whilst Child Using The Toilet

[TreeHuggerMom]

Hi,
I’m not sure if this post belongs in here but I just wanted to get other people’s opinions on a situation. Whilst at Soft Play today, my 8 year old son was using the toilet in a cubicle, the lock was broken so his older brother was next to the toilet guarding the door but you could see a child was inside using the toilet from the outside. A man walked in and went in front of my older son and pushed the door open and was looking down at my son’s private parts whilst he was going to the toilet, which lasted about 8 seconds. He then left and continued to wait out of the cubicle then my son left the toilet. Both my children came to me and told me that the man had been watching my son inside the cubicle whilst going to the toilet. I approached the guy who was quite hostile, whose mother then said “Don’t you start with us!”. I wasn’t hostile atall, I just stated calmly that my son said he entered the toilet whilst he was in there and watched him, he said he went into the toilet and was looking at the piss (his word) on the floor. I then said it didn’t give him the right to go into the toilet and invade his privacy because it made my son uncomfortable. He was again hostile and told me to go away. I then explained, as a parent, it is my duty to enquire because it clearly made my son very uncomfortable. Now I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to question him, I feel if I hadn’t I would have been dismissing my son’s concerns. I would never do something like this myself and can’t see any reason why he needed to enter the toilet whilst my son was going to the toilet.

Thanks in advance!

Was he taken away in cuffs when you reported it, op?

@downbutnotout2018 we need more info! I don't understand this!

I’ll explain again.
My 8 year old son went to use the children’s boys toilets, the lock was broken, the door is next to the toilet, so children are visible whilst using the toilet when the door is open ajar, which it was as the lock didn’t work and the door doesn’t fully close without the lock on, my older son was next to the door as a way of guarding it but not directly infront of the door. The man came in the toilets and went infront of my older son and opened the door, he looked down at his private parts and continued to do so for approx 8 seconds, which was approx. I asked my son if he said anything to the man but he said he didn’t as he didn’t know what to do and when my young son came out he said to my older son, that man was looking down at my private’s and that’s when they both spoke to me. I asked the man in a non hostile way why he entered the toilet and watched my son go to the toilet, he never once said “oh I didn’t realise your son was in there”, he said he was looking at the piss on the floor, I continued to say he felt very uncomfortable with him entering the toilet and he was hostile and was putting his hand up as if to say go away. Now I’m not accusing the man of being predatory and I’m assuming it was innocent but to enter the toilet and make a small child feel uncomfortable and possibly violated and get defensive when questioned, that’s what concerned me. He could have said “I’m really sorry, I didn’t realise your son was in there.” But he didn’t. I’m not going to dismiss my son’s feelings, he’s not one to complain but clearly felt uncomfortable by what happened. I’d hope the people who are sticking up for this man wouldn’t say the same if it happened to their child and dismiss their feelings so easily. Children are entitled to privacy and shouldn’t feel uncomfortable.

Why didn't your older son say anything? Everyone is entitled to privacy when on the toilet. That's why they invented door locks.

A man walked passed and got in the cubicle with him and locked the door! I was not pleased and told him so!

WTAF?!?

WEell... all you know is the man wasn’t looking down.

Son says privates, he says wee.

We must forgive the 13yo for not knowing how won’t o handle the situation....seeng as a PP, presumably a full grown adult managed not to prevent a Mann going into Andy then locking a cubicle her son was in.

Did you report the behaviour to the staff?

What do your expect to happen now?

So what did they say when you reported it, op?

I'm confused. How are people visible when using the toilet and why hasn't someone told staff about this???

I've re read the explanation several times and I'm still not clear!!

I am genuinely disturbed by the number of people here telling someone that her two children, one of whom is a teenager, must automatically be mistaken about what they both clearly perceived to be an adult pushing into an occupied toilet cubicle and looking at a child’s genitals. And yet on another thread recently almost every person on it essentially told a woman to report a wedding guest having his granddaughter sat on his lap and touching her son’s ear.

Do we only believe adults who are taking a guess that something is wrong? Because everyone seemed happy to trust that poster’s account, but not that of two children who were there and felt strongly uncomfortable with whatever happened? Why not? And if a girl reported that a man had pushed past her sister and looked at her genitals, would you think she was lying too?

We tell children to always tell us if they feel that an adult has done anything to make them feel uncomfortable with their body, and these boys HAVE told their mum and you are all scoffing and saying it didn’t happen and that the two children, one of whom is a teenager, are being silly, getting it wrong or making it up.

I think a 13 year old and an 8 year old are absolutely capable of knowing the difference between a man barging into cubicle by mistake, immediately saying ‘Oops, sorry mate’ and leaving within a nanosecond and a man standing in a cubicle with them and staring them.

No wonder so many kids get abused under their parents’ noses if this is how you all react when they tell you something was wrong. Christ. Do better.

When you confronted this man you were essentially accusing him of a very serious sexual crime. I am not sure how someone would/should respond when faced with such a claim.

Surly a major part of the blame for the incident is the soft play centre for not having a lock on the door. Isn't it their duty to safeguard children?

At what age do you think it is appropriate for boys to use urinals, where men are easily able to see other peoples privates? I know in this hyper vigilant world children are very sensitive to things of this nature. After being taught about it at school my DC (& friends) went through a stage of calling every adult a paedophile if they even looked at them the wrong way.

We tell children to always tell us if they feel that an adult has done anything to make them feel uncomfortable with their body, and these boys HAVE told their mum and you are all scoffing and saying it didn’t happen and that the two children, one of whom is a teenager, are being silly, getting it wrong or making it up

^this

When you confronted this man you were essentially accusing him of a very serious sexual crime. I am not sure how someone would/should respond when faced with such a claim

He shouldn’t have done it.

Also “Why didn’t your older son say/do something?” is doing my head in. He didn’t do anything for the same lots of women don’t do anything when the person next to them on the bus puts their hand on their thigh or starts wanking under their newspaper. Because an adult (who was later aggressive) had pushed past him and he was shocked and didn’t have a clue what to do and because he is 13 and not used to having an altercation with an adult man.

Most children are not idiots

What exactly do you mean by that and how is that relevant?

I would rather err on the side of believing a child than not.

No wonder there’s been so many systematic abuse scandals

If you think the man was a pervert then contact the police surely?

dollydaydream114 well said.

That's the only comment I'll make on this thread after the revolting comments by posters on it.

Your older son is sacked from guard duties; it’s not difficult to say “cubicles getting used’
And the PP whose 3 yr old was in a cubicle; I wasn’t pleased?? Jesus every other mum here would have booted him squarely in the nuts!!

What a weird thread this is.

OP shares a distressing and unpleasant incident where her child felt exposed as the result of an adult.

Yet people and making great efforts to pick apart her story, question both boys’ accounts, giggle behind hands about needing stopwatches and generally being obtuse and unkind.

The woman was faced with a difficult situation when all she has is her children’s upset to go on. She spoke to the man who was dismissive and rude.

Any sensible adult upon walking in on a child
In a toilet cubicle would have apologised both the the child and then to you when you approached him. Had he apologised to the children they would likely never have felt like it was a threat.

As for squeezing past a child - why not talk to him? Why not say “oh, excuse me. Are you in a queue?” Why do people treat other people’s children in such an odd way?

OP I have no clue whether the man was a predator or just exceptionally social poor. You were brave going to talk to him about it.

I honestly think that people sniggering and eyerolling at this need to give their heads a wobble.

I see I have cross posted. Thankfully.

And people blaming the teenage son - were you never an awkward teenager? Have you never in adulthood found yourself shocked into silence? Been too scared, surprised or just felt that you didn’t have the authority to say anything?

@dollydaydream114

"And if a girl reported that a man had pushed past her sister and looked at her genitals, would you think she was lying too?"
That is not a proper comparison. With regard to girls in a girls' toilet, the comparison would be if a woman pushed past and looked at the girl's genitals.

@TreeHuggerMom
Because a pp asked if you reported and you didn’t respond.
It is relevant information and even in your latest update there is no mention of you reporting it or what the outcome if you reported it

YANBU. Some ppl here are just taking the piss .

I’d go bananas at the man in question . YANBU.

There was absolutely no reason for him to open the door .

I'm assuming the reason was he needed the toilet.

ith regard to girls in a girls' toilet, the comparison would be if a woman pushed past and looked at the girl's genitals.

Then that would be equally fucking appalling and abusive. It’s not complicated.

I'd have called him a nonce and had him banned for being inappropriate.

The mother saying 'don't start' seems like she expected it... almost like it wasn't a rare occurrence.

Not to hijack the thread. But in the UK instance I mentioned upthread, it was a small cubicle with one loo and 1 urinal. It was for males. It was basically made for 1 person at a time. My ds was on the loo and I was directly outside with the door open so I could see and help him. A grown man barged past and went to use the urinal, closing the door with just him and ds in there. I yanked Open the door and gave him what for. He left, tail between his legs!