Man Walking Into The Toilet Whilst Child Using The Toilet

[TreeHuggerMom]

Hi,
I’m not sure if this post belongs in here but I just wanted to get other people’s opinions on a situation. Whilst at Soft Play today, my 8 year old son was using the toilet in a cubicle, the lock was broken so his older brother was next to the toilet guarding the door but you could see a child was inside using the toilet from the outside. A man walked in and went in front of my older son and pushed the door open and was looking down at my son’s private parts whilst he was going to the toilet, which lasted about 8 seconds. He then left and continued to wait out of the cubicle then my son left the toilet. Both my children came to me and told me that the man had been watching my son inside the cubicle whilst going to the toilet. I approached the guy who was quite hostile, whose mother then said “Don’t you start with us!”. I wasn’t hostile atall, I just stated calmly that my son said he entered the toilet whilst he was in there and watched him, he said he went into the toilet and was looking at the piss (his word) on the floor. I then said it didn’t give him the right to go into the toilet and invade his privacy because it made my son uncomfortable. He was again hostile and told me to go away. I then explained, as a parent, it is my duty to enquire because it clearly made my son very uncomfortable. Now I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to question him, I feel if I hadn’t I would have been dismissing my son’s concerns. I would never do something like this myself and can’t see any reason why he needed to enter the toilet whilst my son was going to the toilet.

Thanks in advance!

My 13 year old son is a young lad and has never been in such a situation and he simply just didn’t know what to say/do, it’s as simple as that and I don’t think I’d know either at that age. I am quite shocked at some comments I must admit, who think it’s some sort of joke, my youngest son was genuinely upset and really uncomfortable with the situation, if I didn’t simply dismissed it, I felt I would have failed in my duty to take him seriously. The lady at Soft Play was made aware of the situation by myself and the manager is calling me in the morning, she said they would check the CCTV too. As I said, it’s really odd that the man was hostile and didn’t awknowledge the fact that he entered the cubicle whilst it was being used by a small child going to the toilet, who had his genitals exposed, whilst the guy was looking down at his penis, I would genuinely be apologetic if I had made a child feel uncomfortable in some way. Children are just as capable as feeling as we would.

This thread is terrible.

I agree with @dollydaydream114 100%

Get a grip, it was a childrens toilet and the behaviour of this adult man, alone in the toilets with them, shocked and creeped them out. Thus it was not a simple oversight.

I think that you were brave OP and had you not acted your sons may also have interpreted this as normal behaviour. It isn't.

I teach my kids to trust their instincts. I wish my parents had taught me that. You did the right thing.

OP this is awful

I’m curious to know how old the man is? He could have been doing this many times and apparently his mum is defending him?!

There is no excuse, as soon as you realise someone’s in the loo, you exit and apologise.

*ith regard to girls in a girls' toilet, the comparison would be if a woman pushed past and looked at the girl's genitals.

Then that would be equally fucking appalling and abusive. It’s not complicated.*

Abso-fucking-lutely. The apologists are all out in force today. Blaming the older boy, blaming the soft play. I don’t believe any of you would be ok with this if it was your child, son OR daughter. Utterly disgraceful posts on this thread.

OP I would also be considering going to the police, just on the off chance this man has previous or is registered, especially if the softplay have CCTV.
Was your DS in a children's cubicle/toilet? Or have misunderstood?

I would have spoken to the management first and asked them to challenge him.

The lady at Soft Play was made aware of the situation by myself and the manager is calling me in the morning, she said they would check the CCTV too.

Check it for what?

A man entering the toilet and then leaving the toilet?

Not to hijack the thread. But in the UK instance I mentioned upthread, it was a small cubicle with one loo and 1 urinal. It was for males. It was basically made for 1 person at a time.

It's a two man loo.

I'm trying to imagine my own DC coming to me and telling me an adult's behaviour had made them uncomfortable in this precise way, and my responding as some PPs have done on this thread.

I can't.

Why would some people prefer to believe that 'children are prone to exaggerate' than that their observations might have been accurate, and the adult's behaviour wildly out of kilter? Or are they really naive enough to have swallowed the victim-blaming mentality following in the wake of #MeToo - that surely it's unbelievable that an adult could abuse/behave inappropriately around children, therefore it must be the child who is mistaken, exaggerating or lying?

This behaviour is off-the-scale inappropriate, and if more parents challenged it as the OP has done then it might just make these men think twice.

OP - you not only ANBU, but should be applauded.

Your older son was clearly lying. He clearly wasn’t guarding the door and ‘8 seconds of him staring at the boy’s privates’ seems very specific. Has he lied before?

The place was very busy and chaotic and the staff were rushed of their feet, so I approached the guy myself and to be honest I’m so angry when I think about how he just tried hushing me away and thought it was ok to do what he did. They will have CCTV footage, so if they feel it’s worth talking to the police then I will have something to go by.
WhyBirdStop-Yes they were children's toilets and cubicles. They have a unisex toilet downstairs for adults but I do see adults using the children’s toilets, as the unisex toilet is regularly occupied by other adults using the toilet.

They will have CCTV footage, so if they feel it’s worth talking to the police then I will have something to go by.

If you think a crime was committed then you need to talk to the police.

Then and only then, will the police come and look at the footage (which will show nothing except the man entering and leaving the toilet), because they'll need to identify the person who you've accused of committing an actual crime.

This is your responsibility, not the staff's.

Your older son was clearly lying. He clearly wasn’t guarding the door and ‘8 seconds of him staring at the boy’s privates’ seems very specific. Has he lied before?

What a nasty dimwitted comment to make, comments like this stop victims of crime (any crime) from coming forward, as there’s always one fucker telling them it was their fault.

TeddyBear - Oh be quiet, he’s not lying, they both said exactly the same thing, he’s a very mature and sensible 13 year old and no he would never lie about something like this. If you have children and your children say the same thing, god forbid you accuse them of lying. You’re sick!

I'm sure he was guarding the door, just not very well. Otherwise he would have said, "Excuse me but my little brother's in there".

So he's not telling lies.

Teddybear45 - what a singularly inappropriate handle. There's nothing benign and cuddly about you, that's for sure.

Attitudes like this are the reason more people don't come forward and speak about these issues. There is always some ignorant halfwit standing on the sideline to tell them they are the ones at fault, or, who didn't witness the event, coming to the [completely unsubstantiated] conclusion that the accuser must be lying. Quickest way to close down the conversation, rather than suggesting it be properly investigated.

People like this are perpetuate these attitudes and help enable the would-be perpetrators. YOU are part of the problem.

The really burning question is what type of person, exactly, has a vested interest in doing this, and of keeping the status quo (an enabling culture and low conviction rate) precisely as it is?

Why would some people prefer to believe that 'children are prone to exaggerate' than that their observations might have been accurate, and the adult's behaviour wildly out of kilter?

Strongly advise anyone who thinks that way to read this book ‘Predators’.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07CS4VG6F/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

It explains why that commonly held belief enables sex offenders to get away with so much for so long. Written by someone who interviews convicted sex offenders.

@TreeHuggerMom I’m so sorry this has happened to your children and I’m annoyed at the responses you’re getting. You know your children the best. What gets me is why I’m earth would anyone doubt their own children and believe a total stranger? Words fail me.

The CCTV is to check who the guy is after the description I gave, they will see if he did anything else untowards.
WorraLiberty-No it’s not just my responsibility, they will have CCTV footage to identify the man after description given and as it happened at the soft play, it would also involve them.
It really is quite shocking to see how many people on here think this behaviour is ok because it’s not ok.

On earth*

OP that is not how it works.

You have not made a complaint to the police.

You have not accused this man of committing a crime.

Therefore the police will not come and view the footage as there will be absolutely no point.

The footage of him entering and then leaving the toilet is absolutely pointless if he's not accused of doing anything wrong

OP
You know some of the shitty replies you’ve had here?

They sum up why you should notify the police first thing tomorrow. Someone at soft play might battle to make this “go away”. So get your report to the police first.

You can certainly call 101 and have a chat with them about it and they can make the decision about whether it needs to be investigated as a crime / logged for intelligence etc etc.

They might recognise his description from what you tell them and he might be someone with form who they have an intelligence record from.

What you certainly shouldn't do is listen to people on MN screeching about how the police won't be interested because the only people who can tell you whether or not the police will be interested will be, er, the police.

I would have knocked his lights out and call the police
If my 3yo would have said 8 seconds i would have though thatthis could have been more/less seconds
But my 13yo? They would sure be able to count seconds?!?!
And for his mum to say " dont start with us" sounds like this isn't the first time this happened.

What you certainly shouldn't do is listen to people on MN screeching about how the police won't be interested because the only people who can tell you whether or not the police will be interested will be, er, the police.

Yes exactly this.

The OP needs to report it if she thinks a crime has been committed against her son.