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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by this comment

210 replies

Justanotherusernamemydear · 13/08/2019 22:57

Sat at work the joy of shift work and a male colleague of mine was making idle chit chat, and asked me my height. I said 5”6 why??
His reply? - “the average female is like, 5”4 isn’t it? So you’re a proper giant. When I look at you I’m shocked at how tall you are, you’re like a giant”. Confused he’s 5”10 and obviously taller than me, I don’t fully understand why he’s decided to say that to me? He’s normally really nice, and I suspect that he has a little crush (would never go anywhere as I’m in a long term relationship and don’t see him like that). He’s a 29 year old man, is this normal?
It’s actually really upset me. I’ve laughed it off and gone a bit quiet, but it’s really played on my insecurities. I’ve always felt really tall, even DP has asked me not to wear heels as it makes him feel short, so I don’t wear heels anymore...
AIBU to be upset at this comment? Am I a “giant”? Sad it’s made me feel like a great big lumbering oaf, and made me feel shit about myself.

OP posts:
NameChange92 · 14/08/2019 07:39

He was rude. Ynbu to be upset that someone is deliberately being rude to you.

You are bu though to take any comments about your height as anything other than the speakers problem though. That’d be true even if you were actually really tall which you definitely are not (i’m a couple of inches taller than you and don’t consider myself tall, I once went into Long Tall Sally and felt like a kid trying on her Mum’s clothes everything was so long on me!)

Ignore these horrible men around you and find yourself some people to spend time with who don’t undermine you to cope with their own insecurities

Walkaround · 14/08/2019 07:40

Justanotherusername - looking on the internet, people claiming 5'6" is average height for a woman in the UK are talking utter bollocks - the average is around 5'3.5". That said, I reckon there is a higher concentration of taller than average people living in the SE of the UK than the North, so how tall you actually feel probably also depends on where you live! I really don't think 5'6" qualifies as tall, though, tbh, just taller than average. I'd say it's a very healthy height - shows you probably had a good diet as a child and reached your height potential, unlike your stunted dh Wink.

PonderingPanda · 14/08/2019 07:43

OP... think you need to ignore colleague as that is all he is..... and look closer to home at your DH. He sounds nasty. My XH would say stuff to me as a "joke" that would upset me ...but of course I then couldn't take the "joke" so any arguments were my fault again.

He used to get the children to join in but they don't "joke" now that he has left and my sister commented how much more respectful they are towards me now.

Walkaround · 14/08/2019 07:45

Ps average height has a strong genetic component, of course, so 5'6" would be tall for some nationalities, but not for others. The Dutch are the tallest people in the world, on average. 5'6" is the average height for a woman there, I think.

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 14/08/2019 07:45

He's a dick Op & sounds like your partner is too!

I'm 5ft 4in and would love to be 5ft 6in - it's a great height as not too tall and not too short either (I feel short at 5ft 4in although I know it's average height for a woman but I'm by far the shortest in my family & even my DCs are getting much bigger than me!).

I love your 5-minute rule - not heard that before so definitely going to use that in future!

Thirtyysomething · 14/08/2019 07:46

I’m 5ft 4 and everyone says I’m small! The majority of my female friends are 5ft 5 - 5ft 7 ... I definitely don’t think you are a giant by any means!!

fuzzyduck1 · 14/08/2019 07:46

I think you’ll find it’s a shift working thing. I guess you do long shifts and are together a lot. Conversation can get a bit stale after a bit.
Shift workers do end up with strange relationships with their coworkers almost like a work wife and like any relationship there are good times and there are bad times doesn’t matter if your male or female yes they can rub you up the wrong way but I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it.
Maybe he read something that quoted the average height of women. And thought he’d share that with you maybe not in the best way.

I’ve worked a 24 / 7 / 365 shift for the last 7 years and I can truthfully say apart from a short period I was on shift with a pair of lazy obnoxious layabouts (in real life I would have divorced then) I have had work relationships with some great people. And you can end up talking about some real crap and yes every now and again one of you will say something that upsets the other but you need to let it go or it will eat you up.

Isn’t the average height of a man 5 10? In that case he’s just average. So start calling him mr average

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 14/08/2019 07:47

Also, any man I know who ever claimed to be 5ft 10 was actually 5ft 8 or thereabouts so I agree with those saying he has small man syndrome (& is generally a sick!).

BrienneofTarthILoveYou · 14/08/2019 07:48

*dick not sick Blush

ImogenTubbs · 14/08/2019 07:48

Well, I'm 6ft and wear heels regularly. He'd probably run screaming if he saw me coming down the street. You can't change your height. Stand tall, stand proud, laugh at men with egos so fragile they try and belittle and shame perfectly normal women.

HoppingPavlova · 14/08/2019 07:50

He probably has a height complex being only 5'10.

This. I don’t think I know any men under 6’. I think 5’7 is average height here for women so 5’6 would not be tall. I’d say he has height issues being short himself. I say that as a person of 5’nothing surrounded by giantsGrin.

Herocomplex · 14/08/2019 07:51

I’m short, and if anyone makes a comment I just look at them in a puzzled way, as if they’re speaking a language I don’t understand. If they carry on they just look stupid.
Don’t let anyone make you feel bad. Your DP is the one with the issue, not you. You are what you are, don’t apologise, be proud.

You are the person I turn to in the supermarket when I want something I can’t reach. You are my hero.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 14/08/2019 07:53

Well I'm 6'1" so God knows what he'd make of me.

Also wtf you're DP asked you not to wear heels?! Tell him to get to fuck! If you like wearing them he should like them because they make you feel good!

emelsie · 14/08/2019 07:54

He isn't being sarcastic ? Have you mentioned the height insecurity and he is saying it in an 'oh yeah your such a giant ' way , teasing you , when he really is trying to say your not ? Maybe?

If not it's just weird , people have commented on my height , generally just to say my daughters will be tall because I am taller than average and so is their dad etc but not called me a giant and I'm 5'8 .

NCpreggo · 14/08/2019 07:54

You're not tall at all and that guy is very odd for saying what he did! I'm 5'10 and don't feel tall, no one comments, my DH is the same height and I wear heels when I want.

My DH's family are all 5'3-5'6 ish and they all look actively short compared to others in the street when we are out and about!

Don't listen to this pillock and don't stress about being tall when you're not and wear heels whenever the hell you like! Smile

Boysey45 · 14/08/2019 08:17

Like the other person said above hes insecure about being short himself and projecting. 5'6 isn't tall, and women on the whole are taller than 5'4. If he does it again I tell him in no uncertain terms to stop it otherwise I'd be complaining.

mumwon · 14/08/2019 08:21

he was just talking not serious I suspect &you know 5ft6 isnt tall so why worry or be insulted its not worth it?

OooErMissus · 14/08/2019 08:22

There is so much wrong with this thread and discussion that I don't even know where to begin.

You are short in my eyes.

TellMeMore2020 · 14/08/2019 08:46

You're colleague is a dick.

I'd say he's insecure about himself which is why he's focusing on others.

You are who you are. Show yourself some self-love!
If you ask me, you're height is just right! (I say this because we're both the same height 😊)

Don't forget people who make comments about other peoples appearance are insecure, jealous or have their own hangups they don't know how to deal with. It's not your problem, it's theirs 😙

biggles50 · 14/08/2019 08:59

"Yes I'm 5'6 and not in a circus".
He's a dick.

JammieCodger · 14/08/2019 09:04

He was obviously joking, and almost certainly wouldn’t have made the comment if you’d actually been tall. He may even have assumed it was a complement, and wouldn’t have assumed in a million years that you would think you were too tall. (I know I wouldn’t. I know plenty of women around your height who want to be taller but have never come across one before who wants to be smaller.)

Your real problem is your husband. He really is negging you, and had done a pretty good job of it too.

Signed,
Jammie. 5’8” Taller than mum, dad, sisters and brothers. Always fancied another couple of inches.

BeckyButters · 14/08/2019 09:09

How tall is your DP? Is the same height or smaller than you?

You are NOT tall at 5' 6" and size 6 feet seem pretty normal.

WeirdCatLady · 14/08/2019 09:14

I don’t think it was an unkind thing to say, I suspect he meant it as a compliment, albeit a cack-handed one 🙄

5’6” isn’t ‘tall’. I’m 5’7” and I’m the shortest one in the family - dd is around 5’10-11”. If you came to our house you’d be the short one 😉

Sounds like he has Inadvertently commented on an area you are sensitive on. Try not to give it any more headspace.

Ponoka7 · 14/08/2019 09:23

I've just Googled heights and yours, OP is between the first and third most popular on dating websites.

I don't think this is idle chit chat and think it is contrived.

He's started negging you.

I'm 5'3. I've now embraced my height, but for years i wore uncomfortable heels. If i put on weight i look dumpy.

There's no such thing as the perfect height. You've just got to get comfy in your own body.

Chocmallows · 14/08/2019 09:29

OP several posters, me included, have suggested that your partner's insecurities have been passed to you.

My ex made me dread opening a cupboard to look at my clothes, told me I needed implants etc. I was used to it and didn't react. When you say your partner puts you down and doesn't let you wear heels I wonder if you are being worn down?

Your subconscious is highlighting what your colleague said as wrong, but you can't face that your partner the person who should have your back is worse?

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