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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my children's inheritance?

999 replies

BonyPony · 12/08/2019 10:20

My MIL sadly passed away a couple of years ago and left a large sum of money to my husband and kids. My FIL is very into financial management and has virtually total control of the account. We have to get his permission to withdraw any of the money.
FIL has been very generous and paid off our previous mortgage so we could move house. Husband hated the previous home, which increased his grief, stress and anxiety. We were happy to move but are now struggling financially with the bills from the new house. I cannot get this money out of my head. It is way more than I could earn in 10 years and it is just sitting there.
Meanwhile, I have been a full time at home parent for many years but husband is now pressurising me to get a job to make ends meet. I don't want to disrupt our home life, especially when all our financial worries would be solved by husband getting FIL to let him have the inheritance he was given!

Should I give up and get a job or stand my ground and insist husband fight for the money? (Also am I evil?)

OP posts:
Elpheba · 12/08/2019 10:23

If it was a direct bequest to your DH and DC, as in legally bequeathed in her legitimate will then it is 100% theirs and they should fight for it. If it was just that she wanted you guys to use that money and didn’t formalise it then it is up to FiL or whoever did inherit it to do what they want with it.

dollydaydream114 · 12/08/2019 10:25

Wait, what? I'm confused. What were the actual terms of the will? Was the money left to your husband and kids, or did the will specifically state that it would go into a trust fund managed by your FIL?

If the money was, as you say, left directly to your husband and children, then your FIL has absolutely no right to manage that money and the terms of the will are not being fulfilled by him doing so. The money should simply have gone straight to you. He has not been 'generous' in paying off your mortgage because it's not his money - it's yours.

NancyJoan · 12/08/2019 10:26

Should you get a job? Yes. You are living beyond your means, and should not be thinking of spending what you describe as your children's inheritance, which was left to them by their GM, on household bills when you could be earning.

Should you insist on your husband having control of the money? Also yes, unless it was stated in the will that FIL would retain control of how it is allocated.

Twisique · 12/08/2019 10:26

Was fil the executor of the will?

herculepoirot2 · 12/08/2019 10:26

This makes no sense to me. If it is your DH’s money why is it in your FIL’s possession?

TitianaTitsling · 12/08/2019 10:27

How old are your children and why shouldn't you get a job? The children's money should be left in trust for their future.

herculepoirot2 · 12/08/2019 10:28

You are living beyond your means, and should not be thinking of spending what you describe as your children's inheritance, which was left to them by their GM, on household bills when you could be earning.

Some of the money was also left to her DH. If they want to spend it on ensuring their children have a non-working parent that is their prerogative.

NoSauce · 12/08/2019 10:28

Did she leave a will? Or was it stated FIL have control of the money?

Wishihad · 12/08/2019 10:29

Hang on the title is about the children's money.

Are you wanting access to the children's inheritance so you dont have to go to work?

MynameisJune · 12/08/2019 10:29

You would rather use your children’s inheritance than get a job? I guess they are at school now so you’ve got the whole week free?

Wishihad · 12/08/2019 10:29

If they want to spend it on ensuring their children have a non-working parent that is their prerogative.

But its sounds like the dh doesnt want that.

herculepoirot2 · 12/08/2019 10:31

Wishihad

Possibly. We need to understand more about what is really going on with this money. It sounds very unlikely to me that money that legally belongs to her DH and children could not be accessed by him if he wished.

NerrSnerr · 12/08/2019 10:31

You shouldn't be spending your children's share of the money on this. That should be saved for when they're older.

You can discuss what your husband wants to do with his share. What had he planned for it? I don't see why you shouldn't work though,

AngelasAshes · 12/08/2019 10:31

The issue is you are living beyond your means. Throwing an inheritance at the problem is only a short term solution.
Why did you buy a house you could not afford?
What happens to long term financial needs- your kids university costs, your retirement costs if you use this money up on living beyond your means?
I’d personally look to balance your household income to your outgoings before either by getting a job or cutting back before considering frittering away an inheritance.

Weenurse · 12/08/2019 10:33

Get a job if kids are old enough.
It gives them a good role model, you some independence and means everyone pitches in to help around the house.
Good life skills for everyone.

calabaza · 12/08/2019 10:34

Is the money for the children in the trust? Was the money left to the children for the education sake perhaps ( pay their private school or university fees)? Unless there is a major backstory I think I am on your DH's side - get a job and pay for the everyday expenses from the money you and your DH earn. Your children's inheritance is not meant to pay for your lifestyle choices (e.g. your choice to be a SAHM)
In fact I am in a similar situation. I was just given 10 k by my mum with the purpose to invest it and help pay for our 2 kids' education later in life (they are still young). We have some debts from my maternity leave which we are still paying off every month and it never occurred to me to spend 'their money' to pay the debts off. The money was not given to me..my debts is my responsibility

Wishihad · 12/08/2019 10:35

It sounds very unlikely to me that money that legally belongs to her DH and children could not be accessed by him if he wished.

Until the OP explains how its set up. We dont know.

But it sounds to me like the dh doesnt want the inheritance to just go on financing the pp staying at home. Unless it millions, it's not going to last forever. I wouldnt want to spend my inheritance on my other half staying at home, while I go out and work.

By which time OP will find it even harder to get back into work.

envelopeofpubes · 12/08/2019 10:35

Why would you want to fritter away an inheritance on household bills? Why did you buy a house you can't afford to run? Get a job.

herculepoirot2 · 12/08/2019 10:36

I wouldnt want to spend my inheritance on my other half staying at home, while I go out and work.

Nor would I, necessarily. It would depend on what was best for my children.

Summerunderway · 12/08/2019 10:36

Why would you regard fil as very generous for using mils cash to pay off your house?
Fil isn't a banker dispensing cash.its dh's +dc's - for YOU and dh to organise not fil!! Dh needs to grow a backbone.

TitianaTitsling · 12/08/2019 10:36

Are you mortgage free and it's day to day bills that are the issue?

steff13 · 12/08/2019 10:37

Did you buy a house you couldn't afford?

Original poster
BonyPony · 12/08/2019 10:37

Sorry to not be more clear. FIL was the executor of the will and DH and DC are named beneficiaries of a pension. FIL convinced DH to let him manage the account.

OP posts:
DrMadelineMaxwell · 12/08/2019 10:38

Why should DHS and your dcs inheritance be spent so you don't have to work?

Piffle11 · 12/08/2019 10:38

Too many questions unanswered … when you say FIL paid off your mortgage: was this with his own money, or money left to your DH and DC? And is there a lump sum left to DH and DC, or separate amounts for each? Because I do think YABU to consider using DC's money so that you don't have to get a job, but if you would be using DH's money - and he is in agreement - then I guess it would be ok. Why is FIL in charge of this money? Is it in a trust, or has MIL left it to FIL on the understanding it's for your DH and DC? If she just left your DH and DC money, then it shouldn't have anything to do with FIL … has he just assumed responsibility because he believes he is 'better' at looking after it than DH? He may not actually have any claim on it.

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