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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About my children's inheritance?

999 replies

BonyPony · 12/08/2019 10:20

My MIL sadly passed away a couple of years ago and left a large sum of money to my husband and kids. My FIL is very into financial management and has virtually total control of the account. We have to get his permission to withdraw any of the money.
FIL has been very generous and paid off our previous mortgage so we could move house. Husband hated the previous home, which increased his grief, stress and anxiety. We were happy to move but are now struggling financially with the bills from the new house. I cannot get this money out of my head. It is way more than I could earn in 10 years and it is just sitting there.
Meanwhile, I have been a full time at home parent for many years but husband is now pressurising me to get a job to make ends meet. I don't want to disrupt our home life, especially when all our financial worries would be solved by husband getting FIL to let him have the inheritance he was given!

Should I give up and get a job or stand my ground and insist husband fight for the money? (Also am I evil?)

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 12/08/2019 10:39

Your husband should have control of his own money but you can't spend your children's inheritance because you don't want to work!

herculepoirot2 · 12/08/2019 10:40

DH and DC are named beneficiaries of a pension.

How does that work, exactly? An amount is paid per month into an account in your FIL’s name?

RelaisBlu · 12/08/2019 10:40

If MIL's money was left to your husband under the terms of her will, it was the responsibility of the executor of her will to ensure he received it.

FIL should not have control of the money.

Was he the executor of the will?

AhNowTed · 12/08/2019 10:40

No, I wouldn't fritter my children's inheritance on household bills.

That would be for university or a house deposit.

You need to get a job.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 12/08/2019 10:41

FIL has been very generous and paid off our previous mortgage so we could move house. We were happy to move but are now struggling financially with the bills from the new house.

Are you mortgage free - your OP is so ambiguous.

I don't want to disrupt our home life, especially when all our financial worries would be solved by husband getting FIL to let him have the inheritance he was given!

Two issues here - you want to stay at home - your money issues could be solved by you going to work and in inheritance is nt to be frittered away.

The second issue is that the estate still hasnt been concluded if FIL has control of the bequest. This needs to be dealt with.

covetingthepreciousthings · 12/08/2019 10:41

Meanwhile, I have been a full time at home parent for many years but husband is now pressurising me to get a job to make ends meet.

I agree with your dh, you should get a job. Presumably since you have been a stay at home parent for many years your children are older now and possibly at school?

I don't think you should use the inheritance to cover household bills, when you aren't working.

steff13 · 12/08/2019 10:42

Is this a lump sum or a monthly benefit? I don't think it's right to use your children's portion to pay bills. If your husband wants to do that with his share he can. Although I wouldn't, if I were him.

Wishihad · 12/08/2019 10:42

So fill manages the money on the request of dh.

Dh doesnt eant to spend the money left to him or your children, on you staying at home?

Or basically on Bill's and day to day stuff so you can stay at home.

You should not be considering money left to your children for this.

Spending the money that was left to dh on bills, so you can stay at home. Is a joint decision. It doesnt sound like your dh is going for it. Which is totally reasonable. Is this the reason he asked his dad to manage the money, because he feels it would just get spent on day to day living.

Look like you need to go back to work.

How old are the kids?

IAskTooManyQuestions · 12/08/2019 10:42

Meanwhile, I have been a full time at home parent for many years but husband is now pressurising me to get a job to make ends meet.

Go to work.

AGenericUsername · 12/08/2019 10:43

Get a job and stop trying to spend your DC's money on bills. It's theirs not yours. It was left for their future. It sound like your FIL has the right idea. I'm glad he's around to look after his grandchildren's best interests!

saraclara · 12/08/2019 10:44

FIL has no right to be in charge of the money unless it's in a trust.
Your husband's inheritance is his alone, and he should ask...even demand, that he receives it.

Don't even think of touching the children's money.

Gamble66 · 12/08/2019 10:45

Unless you have very young children - get a job - doesn't have to be full time but it's good for the soul and sounds like good for your marriage and huge sense of entitlement x

soveryconfused1 · 12/08/2019 10:45

Why don’t you want to go to work op? Unless there’s a good reason not to, I never understand why anyone wouldn’t want. It’s just lazy and relying on someone else to feed and clothe them.

YABU

PinguForPresident · 12/08/2019 10:45

You need to get a job. If money is tight then you need to earn some.

Stating that you've been a SAHM for many years suggests that your children are school age. Sort yourself some wrap-around care and get a job. You may well find it fulfilling, and you'll certainly enjoy the money.

Keep your children's inheritance for them, as your MIL intended.

Bluntness100 · 12/08/2019 10:45

You want the inheritance so you don't need to work? Seriously?

Get a bloody job.

Wishihad · 12/08/2019 10:45

FIL convinced DH to let him manage the account.

Or in other words DH allowed his father to manage the money.

AllTheFours44 · 12/08/2019 10:45

Are you being unreasonable to spend your children’s inheritance to fund your lifestyle? Yes.

BobLemon · 12/08/2019 10:45

If the bills that you’re struggling with include the mortgage, then a conversation should be had about paying it down to a manageable level.

Otherwise, i think YABU to chip away at an inheritance each month because your finances don’t balance.

Sn0tnose · 12/08/2019 10:47

So your DH wants you to get a job but, instead, you want him to spend his inheritance (and possibly your children’s inheritance too) so that you can stay at home and continue living an unsustainable lifestyle in a house you can’t afford?

What happens when the money runs out? Will you agree to get a job then? What happens when your DC want to learn to drive, or go to uni, or have a house deposit and they find they can’t use their inheritance because you didn’t want to ‘disrupt’ your family life? How will you explain that to them?

Ponoka7 · 12/08/2019 10:47

How old are your children?

Is it your DH's inheritance or your children's you want to use?

Tbh, until we know what is happening with Brexit and the NHS, i wouldn't be spending money i didn't have to.

Piffle11 · 12/08/2019 10:47

Right, your update has things up a bit. I presume DH trusts his DF, although as an adult I wouldn't be happy about one of my parents operating the purse strings to an inheritance of mine. I guess FIL is acting like a financial adviser, although seems to be dictating what you can do with the money, which isn't right. I'm presuming he paid off your mortgage with some of the inheritance, yes? So he's not being 'generous' - it was DH's money! Seems very heavy handed. However - is FIL worried that you are going to fritter away the DC's money? I know of a family where the parents have a lot of money: they have 2 adult DC, who have DC of their own … DC1 is very competent, DC2 would spend any money he was given, leaving his family with nothing. So the parents are planning on leaving half to each DC, but DC2's will be controlled by his sibling. Think they are looking at some sort of trust, so that their DGC will get something.

LagunaBubbles · 12/08/2019 10:49

It sounds like your DH is entitled to the money then but doesnt want to rock the boat for some reason with his Dad?

Gamble66 · 12/08/2019 10:50

I think your DH is using your FIL as a gatekeeper for good reason

adaline · 12/08/2019 10:50

If you can't afford to pay the bills, you need to get a job!

BrokenWing · 12/08/2019 10:50

Ok, you bought a house you can't afford, don't want to go back to work and even though FIL has paid off one mortgage for you already you want more money for nothing to fund living beyond your means?

Title says "my childrens inheritance". That you don't touch, it's not yours.

For your dh's inheritance (not yours) I assume the terms of the will say FIL is some sort of trustee they put in place as you can't be trusted to financially plan yourselves and you need permission to access the funds before you blow everything they worked for by living beyond your means and you (not your dh, whose inheritance it is) deciding you don't fancy working?

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