About my children's inheritance?

[BonyPony]

My MIL sadly passed away a couple of years ago and left a large sum of money to my husband and kids. My FIL is very into financial management and has virtually total control of the account. We have to get his permission to withdraw any of the money.
FIL has been very generous and paid off our previous mortgage so we could move house. Husband hated the previous home, which increased his grief, stress and anxiety. We were happy to move but are now struggling financially with the bills from the new house. I cannot get this money out of my head. It is way more than I could earn in 10 years and it is just sitting there.
Meanwhile, I have been a full time at home parent for many years but husband is now pressurising me to get a job to make ends meet. I don't want to disrupt our home life, especially when all our financial worries would be solved by husband getting FIL to let him have the inheritance he was given!

Should I give up and get a job or stand my ground and insist husband fight for the money? (Also am I evil?)

Teenagers do not want parents who work 60 hours a week
I just thought I'd point this out. Primary school children as long as someone looks after them are pretty straightforward to look after. But Teenagers really need someone around - maybe not during the day, but evenings and weekends, they need someone to advise them and listen to them and just be there.

There are jobs you can do. I don't understand why you aren't at least looking for TA type positions, which earn a lot more than a Dinner lady.

Wow, another kicking.

Alright, I get it.

I thought maybe someone would understand. My kids will find themselves in after-school clubs, which they have never been in before, so I can bring in a fraction of what each individual child and my DH already have in the bank.

But that's ok because when each child turns 18, I can have the pleasure of seeing what they choose to do with it - let's hope it is something useful.

And that's if they live long enough to enjoy it because my mum didn't, MIL didn't...

OP, just as an idea, do you like dogs? I have a friend who started up a dog walking business in our local area. People pay £15 per hour to have their dogs picked up, taken to Richmond Park and walked. She takes 4 dogs for 2 hours (inc pick ups) 11am-1pm, so that’s £120 a day or £500 per week - just for walking. She was taking her own dog there anyway, now she gets paid for it! She just kind of fell into doing this through friends she met dog walking.

Oh let me get the tiniest violin out for the 6 year old in an after school club with his pals one or two days a week so Cruella de Vil doesn't steal his inheritance. Honestly, OP, will you listen to yourself?

Just own the fact you are scared of going back into the workplace and stop trying to use your kids as a human shield. Posters will empathise with how difficult it is to return after a break and you will get a lot of support. You do not have to set your sights on low skilled jobs - I got a professional level job at 0.3 FTE when I returned to work that I gradually built up to full time over the years. And I love my job and I am fuffilled by it, I don't rely on family for hand outs and I have built up a pension. Acknoweldge the fear, but start looking into what you want to do with the rest of your life, forgetting about planning to live on unearned money.

Wow, another kicking

Most posters understand your concerns @bonypony even if they don't agree with you, or think that your fear of "after-school clubs" is a tad irrational. Posters are spending time with excellent suggestions of how you might live within your means, or earn more to help live in the way you want to live.

My kids will find themselves in after-school clubs, which they have never been in before, so I can bring in a fraction of what each individual child and my DH already have in the bank

Your attitude gets more & more entitled.

And you know - why aren't they doing after school activities anyway? From the age of 10 or so, I was either at ballet, Brownies/Girl Guides, riding lessons, or sports activities 4 out of 5 afternoons a week. Or at a friend's place (I think they're called "play dates" now!) for the time from school to supper time (7pm).

Are you DC simply sitting around at home every afternoon? And you need to be a SAHM to allow them just to sit around? Why aren't they in after-school activities anyway?

Top post @TheNavigator !

I hadn't finished ranting now I've started -

Yes, FIL wants and expects me to work, not that it's any of his f*ing business how we bring up our kids. FIL and MIL both worked fulltime to bring up their only child DH because DH's grandma provided most of the childcare free of charge. The fact that we have 3 kids and no free childcare escapes my FIL, who thinks we should do as he did.

Yes, FIL has been very generous recently. Since we had kids. When we asked if FIL and MIL wanted to cover the cost of our honeymoon, they wouldn't give us an answer. We waited and waited and then booked and paid for it ourselves. Months later on our wedding day, they gave us a cheque that more than covered the costs. Would they have done that if we hadn't already booked it? We don't know.

There is a lot going on here that you don't know and I'm not going to say. You can rest assured that I cannot get my grabby hands on my children's inheritance, not because my FIL is keeping it from me, but because it's in their names.

I can have the pleasure of seeing what they choose to do with it - let's hope it is something useful.

Surely what they spend it on is irrelevant, it's their money. I suspect what they choose to do with it, will be infinitely more useful than it paying for their parents bad financial decisions.

My God you had to save for your own honeymoon - the horror.

No, not his business how you bring up your kids. But own that responsibility. Your posts are still 'FIL wants...' 'FIL made me...' Yet you won't accept responsibility for the shitty decisions you and your DH have made and want (expect!) FIL to bail you out.

You asked if they wanted to cover the costs of your honeymoon?! This is nuts

Wow, you don’t like you FIL at all, do you? Even though he’s paid off your mortgage and paid for the “holiday of a lifetime”. So, he didn’t pay for your honeymoon?! Most people pay for their own! Entitled doesn’t even start to cover it.

Wow @BonyPony

You asked your PIL to pay for your honeymoon and then your overwhelming response was annoyance when they decided that they would reimburse you?

My FIL is quite rich (to me, he and others would say "comfortable") and slightly controlling about money (understandably, he grew up without much money himself) - he often offers to do something generous in the heat of the moment but then will say no more about it. In that situation, I just let it go - it's just an offer, people can change their minds. It is his money and if he chooses to spend on me, DH and DD then that is a lovely bonus, but not in any way expected. We therefore spend what we can afford and if PIL or my DPs contribute, then we are grateful for it and are able to divert funds elsewhere. Far easier to do this then to set your heart on a standard of living that depends on family handouts.

You asked them if they would pay for your honeymoon.?

This just gets worse and worse. You sound like you're tying yourself in knots to avoid getting a bloody job. Your kids going to after school clubs, it's hardly a big deal, they will probably love it.

Honestly I don't think I've seen anything so wildly workshy, grabby and entitled on here.

Lazy, entities, selfish. Your in laws paid off your mortgage and paid for your honeymoon. You're using your children as an excuse, the same kids that are in school all day when you could work.
Me me me me me
You're so out of touch it's unreal.

For the record, I am grateful to the kind and helpful suggestions.
Most of them we are already doing.
And yes, they do after-school activities and have playdates.
And actually what I planned to do with my life was work really hard b4 I had kids and then stop work to be with them when they were little.
We don't rely on family for handouts. We assumed that DH could use his inheritance after his mum passed away. Not that unreasonable.

I'm sorry that your view of me as a person is so negative. I'm finding it hard that there is money available, TO MY DH at least, that would help my family now that we can't have because FIL is making it difficult for us to withdraw it and DH doesn't want to upset him.

Hopefully our money worries will be over by Christmas.

I actually think you're just a gf

We don't rely on family for handouts

Apart from the money you asked for, and received, for a honeymoon.
Apart from the money you happily took to pay off the mortgage.
Apart from the money your FIL spent on a holiday, which you happily went on.

Did your parents not give you a wedding present then?

We don't rely on family for handouts

You're joking right? They paid off your mortgage?? Paid for honeymoon etc. Your views on money are massively skewed.

😮 you asked them if they wanted to cover your honeymoon?!

We don't rely on family for handouts. We assumed that DH could use his inheritance after his mum passed away.

OMG - can you not see the glaring contradiction in those two statements. Did it never, ever, occur to you that you and DH may have to work. for. a. living? Y'know, like responsible adults do? Like DH's mum & dad did? Plainly you think you should have been born into a life of leisure and are stomping your little feet because the magic money tree isn't bestowing sufficent gifts on you (just mortgage paid off, honeymoon & holiday paid for etc etc).

We don't rely on family for handouts

Yes you do. You asked for your honey moon to be paid. You had them pay off your mortgage, buy you a holiday. You've over stretched yourselves by living beyond your means, and you've your hand out again, this time originally hoping to take from your own children to fund your lazy and illaffordable lifestyle choices, in your own words the pair of you can't afford to pay your bills and your arguing about why you shouldn't need to work.

The whole thing is appalling.

When we asked if FIL and MIL wanted to cover the cost of our honeymoon,

😯
I might try that one. I'd love to take my children to Florida. I might ask my in-laws if they want to cover the cost of it.

I’m not sure if it’s a reverse but I suspect we are being played.

The OP suckered us all back in with one reasonable post and now she’s back with the deep seated entitlement to everyone else’s money.

On the off chance that this is real, on the issue of FIL. When people bankroll your lifestyle, rightly or wrongly, that often comes with strings attached.

If you want him to butt out, then stop taking gifts from him and stand on your own two feet. Yes this will involve you getting a job.

This is hopefully my last post.

I've got the other perspectives on my situation that I wanted - thank you very much for your time.

This is starting to upset me now. I am a real human beings with feelings. Everything I have said is true. I am my children's mother, my husband's wife and my FIL's daughter in law.

This is also true. I would rather have my MIL back than her money.