WIBU to call this out?

[harriethoyle]

On a disgustingly early train to a work thing. Suited and booted as is everyone in my compartment. Everyone in my vicinity is a man.

The chap on the trolley called me love the first time he served me and darling the second time. He has called all of the men around me Sir, both times.

So, the second time, I said "are you aware that you have called me love and darling on the two occasions we've spoken but you are calling all of the men Sir?" At which point he stuttered a bit and apologised.

WIBU in calling out what I felt was total sexism - he didn't call any of the men love! Or am I just a grumpy moo because I've been up for hours and have a long and difficult day ahead and the poor man was just trying to be friendly?!

Yes Andy Murray, my one hope for the male sex.

Normally I might say you were overreacting out of tiredness but if he can be formal, professional and respectful to the men, you are entirely entitled to expect the same as a woman. Had he referred to both men and women in a light-hearted jovial way with a mate/pal etc. I’d say YABU but given he seems to draw a clear distinction between the way he addresses women and men, I think you were entitled to point it out...

If he wasnt calling the men sir, I wouldn't have a problem but he is so he should address the women as Madam or Ma'am.
Personally, I call everyone Sweet although i dont always realise it.

Get a grip - he was just being friendly

Get a grip - he was just being friendly

...by which token he was being rude to the men then?

If we're going to succeed in nudging our society along its way to becoming a place of actual gender equality, we need to challenge all these little instances and behaviours that undermine that equality. I think OP did the right thing in pointing it out nicely, and hopefully next time he will speak to everyone the same way.

Apart from the fact I hate the term "love" and think it should stay on a market stall preceeded by "pound of spuds. . . ?"

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.
I'm getting a little fed up of society waking up offended and looking for someone to blame.
I'd be pleased he felt he could relax and be friendlier around me.
Not everything in life is a battle sent to offend us.

YANBU

and this: "Can everyone stop using the North as justification?"

My DP is northern. There is NO WAY he would do the whole sir/love thing!

I’m as Northern as they come and this would have infuriated me. Well done on speaking out.

No, you are not been unreasonable, it’s the 90’s for god sake I am not a love, I am none identifiable, non sexual, A sexual, not defined by my penis, not defined by my clitoris, I am a Jedi,

Meh. The problem is it is easy to know what to call a man - Sir. Or Mister. But, what do you call a woman, and how is a stranger supposed to know your preferred address? Mam? Madam? Ms, Miss, hey lady?

I feel for men (and women because we also have to stop and struggle with knowing how to address a woman stranger) these days. Someone will always take offence no matter how you address someone, they just can't win. Being called love doesn't offend me, nor darling. I don't give a shit. Because, I know it is a mere casual form of address because they don't know my name or my preferred pronoun/name. etc. I would rather love or darling than a 'hey you!' I think you should get over yourself and stop being so precious, PC and uptight.

Sara, the problem is because we as a society insist (or seem to) on identifying a woman by her marital status; Miss, Mrs, Ms... All with different interpretations as to what that small collection of letters represent.
Conversely, all men are simply, Mr

I can't understand how so many people are missing the point. It's not about being called 'love', or 'dear', or 'sweet'. It's about being addressed in an unequal manner.
You either go with 'mate'/'love' or you go with 'Sir/Madam', or you just say to people, regardless of which reproductive organs, 'Hello, would you like anything from the trolley'

Why are we constantly being told not to rock the boat, not to make a fuss. These small things are what lead to not dealing with big things.

Save your crocodile tears, @SaraNade. There was absolutely no need for the man operating the trolley service to call the OP (or indeed anyone on the train) anything, if he struggles with how to address women. ‘’Would you like anything from the trolley?’ ‘There you go,’ and ‘Thank you’, are perfectly adequate, and polite.

I would be thrilled if anyone referred to me as love or darling but our boundaries are different.

Meh.

Felicis "thrilled"? Really?