YANBU and well done for saying so to him.
"I think you should not have called it out. We should only call out actual sexism (words and actions that have contempt behind them)."
A - the op has given NO indication of tone
B - What is "actual sexism"?
C - words have meaning, we KNOW this, if the man had used a racially "endearing" word would you think it acceptable? If he's called the white men "sir" and the non white men "dude"?
People's perception is informed and shown by the words we use, it's part of rape culture - it doesn't START with the victims of even violent stranger rape being disbelieved but with catcalling & dick pics! And yes, everyday sexism reducing women to objects who only exist to pacify men.
And I agree not ONE of you who disagrees with op has given a sound reason for doing so, what you have done is displayed your own internalised misogyny and lack of awareness of insidious this behaviour is.
The attempts to align this with "regional differences" are quite honestly pathetic. It's NOT the same, I've lived all over the uk and am very familiar with the different terms of endearment BUT as has been pointed out clearly and repeatedly that's NOT what he did.
As pp I'm Scots "hen" "doll" etc in common usage BUT there ARE equivalents in level of formality for men "pal" "mate" "wee man" "big yin" etc
Here he CHOSE to use an informal term for op BECAUSE she is a woman and gave the men the respect of a formal address.
Even without the sexist aspect that's rude!
"Respect is mostly nonverbal context and cues." What utter tripe! So if someone ACTS respectful but refers to you as a twat they're still being respectful?! Come off it!
"but at the same time you embarrassed a man in front a a coach full of people" but embarrassing and offending girls and women PUBLICLY with such behaviour is fine?
"I think there is a time and place" please DO - you or any of the other apologists on the thread - explain when IS the right time and place to address such sexist attitudes and behaviour? If not when it actually happens?
"Not making excuses, just giving a possible explanation." Rubbish! You ARE making excuses - and being ageist to boot! My parents are in their 70's, my mother spent most of her working life in some kind of service role INCLUDING Training up others, my father was in the military - not exactly known for their liberal attitudes and THEY wouldn't do this and would recognise it as sexist! My ex in laws are older than my parents and my grandparents who would be well into their 90's now if alive and THEY wouldn't do this either. If ANYTHING They would be far more likely to address every customer formally as that's what was the norm in their working lives. Customers - ALL customers - were treated with respect.
IamtheDevilsavocado - excellent screenshot, YES words don't JUST express thought, they are what forms thought - which is what forms opinion and behaviours.
"the female equivalent is Madam or Miss, so it is age-based (why??? it's not for men!)" worse not just age but marital status! Women's marital status STILL affects forms of address which it never has for men!
"there is much worse behaviour directed at women over more then how to address them" and WHY does that behaviour occur?
"If this was in a professional setting, it’s a different matter" dear god! IT WAS in a professional setting - HIS - he was doing his job!
"he was presumably serving you coffee or similar and there was no intent to patronise or demean you." Has it occurred to anyone that he was doing this BECAUSE of his lower status role - even subconsciously?
"Massive leap from being called love to someone ejaculating on you!" Again - look at the thinking on rape culture. It does NOT occur in a vacuum!
"There is a massive difference to an employee thinking they are being friendly and illegal sexual assault." Go read the accounts by either victims or perpetrators of sexual assault where they knew each other very well, perhaps even in a relationship, where the perpetrators often thought it was a normal sexual interaction and come and tell us there's a massive difference!
Women being expected to placate men is at the heart of this debate, being expected to accept poorer treatment PURELY because we are women.
We even have posters over analysing how the complaint should have been made largely IGNORING the FACT it shouldn't have been necessary for a complaint to have been made in the first place if the man had behaved in a manner which treated both sexes equally.
Bertieandernie NO m3lon sounds like someone who has worked damn hard (probably had to work harder than the men!) to achieve her title and rightfully expects to be addressed correctly in her professional role! If they can remember to call the MEN dr or professor they are certainly capable of remembering to to call m3lon the same!
"Also a little bitter and jealous of women who attract men." What utter bollocks!
So the only women who can be feminists are ugly?! What a Fucking disgrace to womanhood you are! (If you are a woman, with that comment I have serious doubts!)
I've never had problems attracting men (or women)
My dd is one of the most stringent feminists I know! She's 18, very slim, stunningly gorgeous (is regularly approached to become a model and has actually done some modelling work for friends/relatives but has no interest in doing it full time) if ANYTHING It's the often unwanted attention she's had as an attractive girl/woman, particularly as she's also tall and so boys/men thought she was older so she's been getting the most appalling behaviour in her direction for some years. I've had occasions where I've eg been in town with her when she was say 13
and a grown ass man has made disgusting comments and we've said "she's only 13" they've then been suitably embarrassed but ACTUALLY the comments they made would have been offensive regardless of her age! But yes it's exactly that behaviour and experience that has made her so stringent!
"but I do think not being called miss or madam by a stranger on public transport is nothing compared to racism" why? Why is sexism less important than racism?
It's really embarrassing and worrying the level of misogyny displayed on this thread by what is likely to be other women! Possibly who are also raising children!