To think I should get all of husband's death in service benefit?

[ILoveSleep123]

NC in case of outing

DH received some pension info through the post today, and it said he needs to nominate someone or several people to receive a 'death in service' benefit if he should die (around £80k)

Hopefully he won't any time soon but obviously you need to think about these things. But I'm shocked to hear him say he's considering adding his brother as a beneficiary for 50%. BIL is in his 20s, spends money like water, no sense of responsibility, and is set to inherit a decent sum from his parents anyway.

Me and DH have a mortgage together, No children yet, but AIBU to think I should inherit everything from my husband should something happen to him? We've been together almost a decade if that means anything.

If you have a mortgage together doesn’t he also have life insurance that would pay off all of his share of the debt if he dies?

As with a will there is no right to expect anything.

Yanbu to be disappointed with his plan of course but Yabu to try to stop him.

Simple for me - the surviving partner who has to pick up the threads of life and carry on should get the benefit. I know others will disagree.

Why does he want to leave half to his brother? I’d understand if his brother was disabled or disadvantaged in some way.
But it’s up to him he can leave it to whomever, but yes if I were you I’d assume I’d be the beneficiary.

It is worth pointing out to him that if he dies before his parents his brother would inherit all their estate.

I think it's up to DH who benefits. Why won't half of it be enough?

Simple for me - the surviving partner who has to pick up the threads of life and carry on should get the benefit

As there are no children, that sentiment could apply equally to any close family member.

If you don't have children yet, it's totally up to him. He's not wrong for wanting to help out his brother if he dies, its justice him showing that he cares about him. When you have children, that should change because children will need supporting and they would be the priority, but presumably you are an adult who can support yourself with or without this benefit anyway, so it's just an extra.

Re life insurance. DH has a medical condition which means he can't get it

He is also the higher earner in the relationship so I wouldn't be able to run the house on my own

Why is your DH doing this? You need to discuss it with him.
Of course you should be the beneficiary. Bit distorted thinking.

'As there are no children, that sentiment could apply equally to any close family member.'

The rest of the family wouldn't have to sell their house as they couldn't pay the mortgage alone, organise the funeral, or be a widow

Is the brother a vulnerable adult in some way?

It would be a massive deal breaker for me. Sorry.

His brother is fit and healthy, just a bit lazy and irresponsible

Did you ask why he wanted to consider 50% to his brother? Are both their parents dead? Have you asked if you went on to have children if this would still be the case?

I could have written your OP. It’s an ongoing bone of contention between us that I seem to rank equally (or behind) with DH’s waster of a brother and we will be bankrolling him for the rest of his life.

Should def go to the surviving partner. I thought that was the point of it!!

I’d be furious if my DH planned to leave any of his death in service benefit to his feckless brother.

What reason did your husband give when he opened the letter?

How did you manage to get a mortgage if DH doesn't have life insurance? Isn't it compulsory anymore?

I think it would be different if there were children.

That sounds quite unusual. Though you don't have children yet you sound like it may be a possibility in future. I would point that possibility out to your husband and ensure he is aware of what that might mean for your future family should he die and not nominate you as the sole beneficiary as you would have to carry on as a single parent.

Obviously it's up to him who he nominates but unless there is some particular reason
as to why he feels his brother should receive half I would be very disappointed and hurt by this.

If the mortgage isn’t covered he needs to look at that. There are specialist insurers who may offer cover (you’d need to go through a broker) but if that’s prohibitively expensive he needs to make some kind of provision for you. You would lose your home and you would need the biggest lump sum possible for a deposit to get a solo mortgage on your lower salary.

Is it possible that he hasn’t really thought about the practicalities and he’s looking at the £80k in a ‘if I won money on the lottery I’d like to give some to my brother’ kind of way?

@Batshittery don’t think life insurance has ever been compulsory for a mortgage? Buildings insurance is.

YANBU OP. I’d be really upset if this were me.

Life insurance is not compulsory when getting a mortgage.

That is very odd. I would’nt be happy about that. I’m the nominated person for all of my husband’s life policies, pensions etc. It would never occur to either of us to nominate anybody else.

YANBU.

He's being selfish and showing a lack of care.