To think I should get all of husband's death in service benefit?

[ILoveSleep123]

NC in case of outing

DH received some pension info through the post today, and it said he needs to nominate someone or several people to receive a 'death in service' benefit if he should die (around £80k)

Hopefully he won't any time soon but obviously you need to think about these things. But I'm shocked to hear him say he's considering adding his brother as a beneficiary for 50%. BIL is in his 20s, spends money like water, no sense of responsibility, and is set to inherit a decent sum from his parents anyway.

Me and DH have a mortgage together, No children yet, but AIBU to think I should inherit everything from my husband should something happen to him? We've been together almost a decade if that means anything.

Plus lots of death in service pay Out once you get a terminal diagnosis with less than 12 months to live as do many live insurances

Just because youre married doesn't entitle the other person to ALL your worldly goods

Also doesn't say how long OP has been married - If it's not very long I don't see why she should get everything?

I love DH but if I passed away he would be sat on a nice tidy sum which would mean he would barely need to work again - Why should he live a life of a luxury off the back of me working my ass off to forge a good career. Doesn't bother me in life that I earn more and pay the greater share of bills but I do begrudge it carrying on in the event of my death and de incentivising him to ever work hard again

Before DC came along he was left enough to be "comfortable" after that he'd need to stand on his own two feet. The rest was split with family whether they needed it or not

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted, then why do the marriage vows specify quite clearly ALL your worldly goods? Of course that’s what it means.

Depends on his company's scheme, he may not be able to do that, as his brother is not a dependant. Some providers will only pay out to spouses while others will allow you to nominate other dependants or partners.

In most instances, your partner will have needed to have filled out a nomination form for you to receive their pension.

Years ago I was making my will and I was torn about whether I should leave anything to my siblings. My oh so wise Dad asked me whether I thought they would or should leave anything to me. I was sure they wouldn't. Dilemma solved. I wonder if a similar question would help in your case.

@Alsohuman
Marriage vows also say "obey" but we don't follow that to the letter either

Definitely he said ‘with all my worldly goods, I thee entire endow’. For us that is a lifetime commitment and yes we forsake all others, love honour with our bodies and cherish through sickness and health etc.
Giving your pension away would be a breach of that vow.
Most women haven’t vowed to obey for decades.
Vows are taken by a couple marrying as a legally binding agreement; the detail and accuracy of the vows is important. If you don’t believe them and don’t intend to uphold them then it’s a party not a marriage.

@CherryPavlova
Good job my Church Of England vows didn't have that bit in it then! 🤪
So I can say whole heartedly that I believe in them and uphold them!

I've just asked my DH and his beneficiary is our son! That's ok though as our son adores me so will be taking care of his old mother in her widow years 😂 my death in service goes to DH though because I'm confident I'll outlive him given I work in a school and he works on the railways!

DH is 80% beneficiary, DS 20%

Marriage vows & the actual law differ quite a lot, thankfully.

@Batshittery it's not compulsive to have life insurance. I had a mortgage on my own house (so did DH on his) and had no life insurance. It's only when we had our son we got life insurance and made wills just in case, heaven forbid, anything happens to us.

The marriage vows I took didn’t mention obey.

Thank you magpie

Sorry @Batshittery I hadn't finished reading the full thread. Other people said the same as me ages ago.

@Alsohuman my bows were about love honour and obey and a bunch of nonsense about how the wife serves the husband! It's only been three years since I took them so I'm still getting round to fulfilling them!

Vows- stupid phone

The vicar took one look at me 19 years ago and said “I’m guessing you’re not promising to obey”.

Wow! I'm in the same position as your husband, I'm the higher earner and can't get life insurance (yes, I've tried specialist broker and legal and general!). We rely on my death in service benefit as effectively my life insurance. It would cover half the rest of our mortgage so would still leave my husband having to sell up but at least he would have breathing space. I really worry about that! Has your DH not thought it through at all??

I would strongly advise against having children with this man. Tell him why.

You do all understand she will get £40,000, yes? Not nothing. Surely that can pay for the mortgage for a bit?

Surely that can pay for the mortgage for a bit?

What good is “a bit” if it’s not sustainable long term?

*Surely that can pay for the mortgage for a bit?

What good is “a bit” if it’s not sustainable long term?*

Well she works then!

Why should his death mean she should be mortgage free and wouldn't have to work full time at least since the mortgage is usually our biggest monthly bill

Who said anything about going part time?

I would simply ask him if his brother is going to help pay the mortgage with you, should it happen.