To think I should get all of husband's death in service benefit?

[ILoveSleep123]

NC in case of outing

DH received some pension info through the post today, and it said he needs to nominate someone or several people to receive a 'death in service' benefit if he should die (around £80k)

Hopefully he won't any time soon but obviously you need to think about these things. But I'm shocked to hear him say he's considering adding his brother as a beneficiary for 50%. BIL is in his 20s, spends money like water, no sense of responsibility, and is set to inherit a decent sum from his parents anyway.

Me and DH have a mortgage together, No children yet, but AIBU to think I should inherit everything from my husband should something happen to him? We've been together almost a decade if that means anything.

Omg you sound horrendous

Because she doesn't want to be a homeless widow whilst her brother in law has the time of his life pissing 40k up the wall? Seriously?!

Is he hoping that in the event of his death his brother would look after his parents?

YANBU. I’d be wondering what I’d done wrong in your position.

@ReasonedCamper his parents definitely do not need looking after, they are quite well off

It's disgraceful of him given he doesn't have life insurance and you can't afford the house if something happens to him. What does he think will happen to you!

I'd be downsizing to a home I could afford alone with this attitude.

Wow I’d be very pissed off in this situation. He’s telling you he doesn’t care if you have to sell your home.

Well, that's fine, and if I were you, I'd get your own will drawn up and only nominate him to receive 50% of your assets upon your death.

Ive left my sister 3rd of mine. Shes a single parent whos always struggled and Id like to help her if something happened to me. There is enough for DP and the kids left. My life insurance would go to them aswell so theyd be fine.

When i married i expected my husband and i to share our future, together, i completely invested in him and vice-versa, so absolutely yes, i would expect to be the beneficiary of everything. Obviously if his brother were disabled and he had any previous plans to be responsible for his future it would be different, but you'd have known about that from the start. I'd be reconsidering how i viewed our relationship if he felt his brother was entitled to the same as you, based on the way he obviously views it. That would disturb me a lot. Sorry OP.

Going directly to your children is slightly different, Blooming flowers

Some us going to his siblings and nieces as well. I will pay maximum tax and they will pay nothing

What are the terms and conditions of the pensions trustee in nominating a non-dependant / spouse for death in service? The rules are often quite restrictive and he may find nominating a healthy sibling is not allowed (but nominating a neice or nephew may be).

"He is also the higher earner in the relationship so I wouldn't be able to run the house on my own"

Then he is BVVU
Children and then spouse should take precedence over any other relatives when it comes to inheritance

You would face losing your home after losing your husband
What would his DB face ?

Tell him you will NOT be ttc if he does this - if he would leave DC homeless as well as you, then too risky to have any.

For a long time my sister was beneficiary of my death in service payment - I felt that DH would get "enough" if I died in respect of life insurance and pension pay outs to live a nice life without me (I am the higher earner)

We didn't have children at the time - Mine now goes to DC.

Just because you're married doesn't entitle you to everything

I wash also conscious of fact that if I left everything to him then he could re marry and leave it all to "her" in which case everything I had worked hard to earn would go outside of my family

It’s weird that he believes his brother is equally deserving of “protection” (for want of a better word) if he were to die. I wouldn’t be happy about it at all.

Is he happy for you to have to deal with selling your house and downsizing while dealing with his death if the worst happened? What if the house took ages to sell and you couldn't make the mortgage repayments? Has he got other assets he'd leave to you if he died? Are you planning to have kids? Who have you left yours to?

Before DC I split mine 50% DH and 25% to each of my DN. I have life insurance that would pay off our house and also a separate life insurance policy that paid out a fixed lump sum to my next of kin (so DH). He had no problem with this. However, now we have DC, I have since switched it to be 100% DH with the proviso that DN get a small lump sum each (there are more of them now!) They are still at school so any amount would be considered a lot to them, I’m guessing. I don’t feel guilty, my priorities have changed.

On the face of it it seems odd hed prefer his brother to have a great holiday than his wife stay in her own home

Very weird, if you’re married then he should be leaving it to you. At least it’s nit set in stone, if the worst were to happen it would be up to the schemes trustees and I think they would probably give it all to the spouse unless the brother was being maintained by him, which I presume he isn’t.

On the face of it it seems odd he'd prefer his brother to have a great holiday than his wife stay in her own home

This!

Is he aware that in all likelihood you will lose your home if he dies?

I'd be furious if my DH chose to leave a benefit to anyone other than me or our children.

Shocking. I would not be happy with that.

Mines is 80% to dh and 20% to ds(15) which I think it's ok and dh agrees with.

YANBU!

That's also a shockingly low figure. My husband left the US Navy 10 years ago and at the time death in service was $400,000.

@ILoveSleep123 Have you said anything to him about it?

Very unusual. Tell him you will be leaving your share of the house and all your savings to your silblings with £10 for him. See how he like that.