To think I should get all of husband's death in service benefit?

[ILoveSleep123]

NC in case of outing

DH received some pension info through the post today, and it said he needs to nominate someone or several people to receive a 'death in service' benefit if he should die (around £80k)

Hopefully he won't any time soon but obviously you need to think about these things. But I'm shocked to hear him say he's considering adding his brother as a beneficiary for 50%. BIL is in his 20s, spends money like water, no sense of responsibility, and is set to inherit a decent sum from his parents anyway.

Me and DH have a mortgage together, No children yet, but AIBU to think I should inherit everything from my husband should something happen to him? We've been together almost a decade if that means anything.

I'd be downsizing to a home I could afford alone with this attitude.

This ^. I’d seriously start talking to him about downsizing. Either he agrees to moving or leaves you all the money.

I would not be happy with a 50/50.

For mortgage life insurance I was told I could not get it. By most people. Went via a broker and have a specialised policy through Legal & General.

DH also has life insurance through Legal and General with a pre-exusting medical condition that most insurers refused.

But OP wouldn't have to arrange to sell the house whilst organising the funeral, as she would still have £40k.

OP, you don't have dependants and have stated that you work, so you should make some provision for yourself.

@Winterlife

He had no other assets of value, so an old girlfriend, who he hadn't seen in over a decade, received the biggest asset of his estate.

I've often wondered about things like this but how on earth do they track these people down if they're not a current partner??

Poor guy probably turned in his grave!

My husband left the US Navy 10 years ago and at the time death in service was $400,000.

I would guess the navy has extra benefits due to the higher risk. Generally death in service is around 3-4 times annual salary.

What happened to “all my worldly goods I thee endow” or, more usually these days, “all that I have I share with you”? I thought the whole point of this benefit was to protect a spouse. If my bloke tried to pull this off, he’d be very sorry.

I would definitely expect it to go to the DW/ DH unless there is a good reason not too. In your situation, where you state you would have to sell your home as well as deal with the grief of a huge loss, of course it should go to you. If you went on to have children, even more so.

Is it possible that you are fairly newly married and he hasn't thought to change it yet?

missbattenberg- do you have a husband/ partner or children? You haven't mentioned them at all and mention leaving your benefits to your mother who lives with you so that she wouldn't be made homeless. If you have no partner, surely leaving your benefits to your mother is exactly the same as this husband leaving his benefits to his DW. You also mention a non dependent brother just as in the OP's situation and state that you won't leave anything to him as he doesn't need it which is also the same as in this situation. I don't know why you have called her entitled. A married couple should be supporting each other as a priority unless there is a good reason not to.

My DH would 100% receive any benefits as he will need everything to raise the children. Being a widowed, single parent would already be incredibly hard let alone being in financial trouble too. I wouldn't consider anything else and not would he.

It's up to him don't think you should demand it seem grabby. The only thing i would say is change it if you had kids.

@ILoveSleep123 I know you haven't got kids yet, but I'm going to presume you may do?

So you could have a small child and a newborn for example. Then suddenly it happens......

I've had to be a single parent to a baby whilst heartbroken, grieving AND homeless before. It was without a doubt THE HARDEST thing I have ever attempted to cope with. I couldn't. I failed and in fact I was suicidal.

Yes we're talking about "what if's" but you have to put your head before your heart on this one....

Most pension companies have a discretionary trust so that even if his brother is nominated and then he forgets to change it if/when you have children, the pension provider has discretion to amend the beneficiary and may do so if there are children

I would guess the navy has extra benefits due to the higher risk. Generally death in service is around 3-4 times annual salary.

Yes 3-4 x salary is typical in the UK. I think higher amounts are more common in the USA. I in the UK but work for an american company and I get 10 x salary.

Most death in service payments aren’t classed as part of the estate so aren’t included in figures for iht so giving it away for tax purposes is unnecessary.

Mine automatically goes to dh. I wouldn’t have ever expected anything else unless we split up then I would have to remember to change it - to my children.

I'd be deeply offended tbh. What happens if you have DC in the future?

You need an honest chat here. If he still does it anyway, you've got some serious thinking to do.

@deleteandrewind have a closer read

If you have children then yes I think you should get it all. But it's less clear if you don't. Do you have a seperate insurance for the mortgage?

You need to discuss it with him. He is totally entitled to name whoever he wants as beneficiary, however I think it should be an agreement between the 2 of you. And you could do the same. I know it's mentioned that trustees can decide to override his decision, but that will really only happen if it is someone very untoward (maybe person managing the forms etc). If employee was deemed to be of sound mind trustees would go with that (mostly). As his wife/partner sharing a life I think it should go to you. My parents/family also struggle but my DH and DC is my priority and I would leave it all to them (or leave them all a small percentage each provided he does the same with his family). You should really really find a way to take out a life insurance even if costly and even if just enough to pay the mortgage in full. We were lucky enough to take out a mortgage when life cover with the mortgage was still compulsory.

That seems a bit weird. My husband told me he was thinking of leaving some money to his sister in his will. His sister is younger, married and has a decent household income. Myself and my husband have children. I pointed out that this seemed like a very strange thing to do and he agreed. He just hadn’t thought it through. The same might be true of your husband.

Well, I think your husband is being a dick, I'm really shocked some people would think otherwise.

Me too!

The DH can change his Death Grant nomination as often as he likes. It's not set in stone. He may change it of you have kids. I'm assuming that you will also get a spousal pension on top of the share of the death grant.

All the money should rightfully belong to you both equally. Of course you should have it all.
Adult conversation needed as to his logic?

I think he should leave it all to you. But I also wouldn't be happy if I couldn't afford to pay my mortgage on my own. Is there something you could do to increase your income?

Hell yes!! If you've been partners for 10 years.

Very few people die suddenly, if they do additional insurance linked to driving or travel tends to be in place

Once he gets a terminal diagnosis that is the time to sit down and work
It all out. It is a really hard process.

Tell him that you'll have to downsize because if anything happened to you (and any future children), you'd be unable to afford the mortgage payments)?