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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should get all of husband's death in service benefit?

215 replies

ILoveSleep123 · 09/08/2019 17:01

NC in case of outing

DH received some pension info through the post today, and it said he needs to nominate someone or several people to receive a 'death in service' benefit if he should die (around £80k)

Hopefully he won't any time soon but obviously you need to think about these things. But I'm shocked to hear him say he's considering adding his brother as a beneficiary for 50%. BIL is in his 20s, spends money like water, no sense of responsibility, and is set to inherit a decent sum from his parents anyway.

Me and DH have a mortgage together, No children yet, but AIBU to think I should inherit everything from my husband should something happen to him? We've been together almost a decade if that means anything.

OP posts:
Bibijayne · 09/08/2019 17:23

@ILoveSleep123

For mortgage life insurance I was told I could not get it. By most people. Went via a broker and have a specialised policy through Legal & General.

Batshittery · 09/08/2019 17:26

My mistake. Thanks

Breathlessness · 09/08/2019 17:26

It’s not compulsory to have life insurance but it’s very, very common. It pays off the mortgage so it lasts the term of the mortgage and the amount it pays out decreases as the amount owed on the mortgage decreases.

RedPanda2 · 09/08/2019 17:26

I disagree, I think it's great he's thinking of his sibling. It's whether you care about it though, and you obviously do. 40,000 is a lot of money.

Chloemol · 09/08/2019 17:29

He needs to have a conversation with his work to see if he can even nominate his brother, my company only dish out for direct dependants, so in this case you as his wife

Henlie · 09/08/2019 17:30

I’d be pissed off it were me too...... Do you know why he’s thinking of adding his brother?

If anything happened to you DH, could you afford to carry on living in your house and paying the mortgage and bills by yourself Op?

LLapT0p962 · 09/08/2019 17:31

Similar to a will, he can nominate who he wants & as many people or charities as he wants to

What are you doing to protect yourself ?

Mrsmadevans · 09/08/2019 17:31

He's joking surely or is he thinking you will be a widow and off finding yourself another hubby before the ink is dry on his death certificate?
He needs a good talking to pronto.

Balibabe1 · 09/08/2019 17:32

How does your husband propose you will continue to pay the mortgage should he pass away? I would also ensure you have up to date wills and look into specialist life insurers.

The unexpected can and does happen, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It’s hard enough dealing with loss of a loved one, without the worry of home and work.

HeadintheiClouds · 09/08/2019 17:33

Very odd of him. I’d be quite hurt by this, tbh.

LazyLizzy · 09/08/2019 17:33

He can nominate who he likes but if you had children together then I'd have to say something.

Your main problem is that you are relying on his salary and don't have life cover for him.

plunkplunkfizz · 09/08/2019 17:33

You can challenge nominations post death.

HeadintheiClouds · 09/08/2019 17:34

Can you really? So feckless BIL could challenge op’s share?

Rainbowsparkle · 09/08/2019 17:34

My hubby doesn’t get all of mine. He gets 50% then 25% each to my son and daughter

leghairdontcare · 09/08/2019 17:35

He's joking surely or is he thinking you will be a widow and off finding yourself another hubby before the ink is dry on his death certificate?

Marry the brother! Just like ye olden days.

OP, yanbu. He needs to think properly about the mortgage in the event of his death. Obviously you should do the same.

Winterlife · 09/08/2019 17:35

The problem with adding BIL is that often, people forget about this.

I once worked on an estate where a single man with a 7 year old child died in an accident. He'd named his girlfriend as his beneficiary on his work life insurance, a rather large policy. That girlfriend was long gone - at least 10 years and 3 girlfriends ago, when the man died. He had no other assets of value, so an old girlfriend, who he hadn't seen in over a decade, received the biggest asset of his estate.

Rachelover40 · 09/08/2019 17:36

Please try and express your feelings to your husband, show him how unreasonable he is being and it's making you vulnerable. You're not being unreasonable to feel as you do but I don't know what you will do about it.

You could suggest he leaves a smaller sum to his brother. I think 50% of that policy pay out is too much for a brother who won't be expecting anything so will be delighted with a few grand.

However, let us hope none of that happens for a very, very long time.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/08/2019 17:36

Well, I think your husband is being a dick, I'm really shocked some people would think otherwise.

Tracklements · 09/08/2019 17:38

My dh had a couple of policies like this, taken out before he met me. When he wanted to change the beneficiaries (previously his parents and siblings) and put me as sole beneficiary instead, the provider insisted on the other beneficiaries having to sign loads of documents to allow it to happen. It was a paperwork nightmare and dragged on for months.

If your dh might think about changing his mind once the policy has been taken out (in the event that you have dc in the future for instance) then bear in mind it could get very awkward.

plunkplunkfizz · 09/08/2019 17:38

No, that’s not how it works. You can’t just challenge willy nilly. There has to be an expectation of provision at a certain level along the lines of the Inheritance (Family and Dependents) Act. A spouse or a child could challenge most easily and also anyone who was being maintained. If BIL is not being maintained then he would find it hard to go after wife’s share. The allocation people fill out is a guide for the scheme administrator and not necessarily binding upon them.

slavetolife · 09/08/2019 17:39

My friend's DH died when she was pregnant with their 3rd child - he was 31 years old. She got a death in service payout of around 40k which was a massive help to her at a truly awful time. I know she would have been gutted if any of it had gone to any of his siblings as she genuinely needed every penny - after all 40k was about 1.5 years earning for him. Your DH is BVU to consider that anyone except you would get this payment if he died.

annikin · 09/08/2019 17:39

Yanbu at all. I can't believe he's considering it. Does he realise it would mean you'd have to sell the house, while dealing with organising the funeral? Also, you chose to spend your lives together, it's your life which every day will never be the same, and considering his brother is in no way a dependent of his I really can't see why he would do this. To not give you every financial means possible to mitigate the stress you would be under is unforgivable imo.

LLapT0p962 · 09/08/2019 17:40

Husband, but no children

Why can't he leave some money to his brother ?

Nothing wrong with that

Millie2017 · 09/08/2019 17:40

One of my pensions I have nominated my siblings as the beneficiaries. It’s just a huge sum but I just wanted to leave them something. No other reason. It’s up to me. My DH has no problem with it - although he has not done the same.

GabriellaMontez · 09/08/2019 17:40

Yanbu. I think he's disgusting. What would he expect you to do?

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