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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm appalled that parents ask their child to lie about term time holidays.

223 replies

Soontobe60 · 09/08/2019 10:00

I've seen many threads on MN where parents ask about taking their children on holiday during term time. Will it be authorised? Will they be fined? Does it count as exceptional circumstances? Should I just phone in sick? My big concern is that by phoning in sick, the parents are then expecting their child to lie about the holiday before they go away, and then again on their return to school. I can't say how these parents coach their dcs in the lying but I can imagine it's something along the lines of 'The headteacher is really mean and won't let you come on holiday so we need to keep it a secret. Mummy might get fined and that wouldn't be fair. Remember, don't tell anyone.'

The pressure that child is then put under is huge, from the moment the lie is concocted until well after the holiday is over. I just can't see why a parent would do that to their child. It's tantamount to abuse. So many times I've seen children try to lie to staff or other children about their holiday and it's awful. I know they're lying, I know their parents are lying.

What then happens when that same child tells their parent a lie about something they may have done, and their parent tells them lying is wrong? What they actually mean is it's ok to lie if it stops mummy or daddy getting into trouble.

If you want to save money by going on holiday in term time then own it! Budget for getting the fine whilst you're budgeting for the actual holiday. Tell the school well in advance, and accept that it will most probably be unauthorised and may incur a fine.

Please, just don't make your child lie for you.

OP posts:
HiJenny35 · 09/08/2019 11:27

Oh please. I phone in sick, never asked my child to lie, do you think the teacher really cares? I'd much rather a parents called in and said child was sick then told me they were going on holiday as then I have to fill in an addiotal form online that then has to go to the head for checking and then forwarded to the borough for a decision about a fine, I could do without the work, just say they are sick, last few days of term we watch videos and play games anyway, literally makes no difference.

GriphookTheGoblin · 09/08/2019 11:39

Oh get a grip op.

Gladiolus45 · 09/08/2019 11:40

I have never taken my DC out for a full week but a day or two at the end of term? I have no problem with that. The rule is a stupid one and deserves to be circumvented and I have told my DC that in the past. I'm sure teachers can work it out but I'm equally sure they don't care that much.

Anyone who believes their children are so lily white they have never lied is deluded.

FaFoutis · 09/08/2019 11:43

Children lie all the time, it's hardly going to be anything new for them.

CarolDanvers · 09/08/2019 11:44

MyDcAreMarvel depends on your authority. Some charge the £60 per parent per child per session missed, which can equate to £240 per day!

This is wheeled out on every thread discussing term time holidays and is nonsense.

PixieLumos · 09/08/2019 11:47

I work in a school and think it’s funny that parents really think the kids can keep that kind of secret - most blab pretty quickly (who can resist bragging to a friend about their holiday). The tan usually gives it away too.

Miljah · 09/08/2019 11:49

A friend of mine went to Australia for two years with her 4 DC.

They needed a term time holiday, so she asked the state school Head Teacher, who said 'Why are you asking me? They're your children...' 😊

But, once again, we in England are sooooo vexed about discrimination, or the appearance of, that we don't dare differentiate between the high achieving, high attendance child whose parents want to take them away for a few days; and the feckless disengaged whose children rarely attend and cause nothing but trouble when they do.

And we blame- and punish the school for these children's failure to achieve.

Whatsername7 · 09/08/2019 11:50

Im a teacher. When a kid comes back with a tan after a weeklong illness we just smile and hope they have had a nice holiday. It is criminal that parents are fined for wanting some down time with their kids. Not every one can get time off in school holidays. Not everyone can afford the price hike. There are life experiences you can give your kids that do not come from a classroom. I can't take holidays during term time, but that is the job I chose. The perk being Im at home with my kids during the holidays. I cherish my time with my kids, I don't begrudge other parents the same opportunity. If they have to play the system to avoid a ridiculous fine then so be it. The system is stupid.

Cohle · 09/08/2019 11:52

Anyone who believes their children are so lily white they have never lied is deluded.

Has anyone said that? Actively encouraging your kids to be deceitful is grim.

And telling your kids "school rules are stupid and should be circumvented" does nothing to encourage them to respect the school or their teachers and will only lead to them getting into trouble. I think it's a very unfair thing to say to a child.

CaptainMyCaptain · 09/08/2019 11:58

I think a lot of parents think school staff are stupid and won’t work it out.

This is true. When I was teaching we had a family who went away at the same time every year and always had diarrhoea the same week. Other children were off sick and came back with a lovely tan. I didn't much care to be honest, the Head teacher had to submit absence data but I don't think any family at my school at that time were fined so maybe the Head was happy to mark them as being sick.

It isn't teachers who decided to do this it was the government. Among teachers opinion is divided.

ElleDubloo · 09/08/2019 11:59

I just wouldn’t do this.

The value of:

  • Teaching your child to respect their education.
  • Teaching your child not to lie.
  • Setting an example to your child to not lie.

FAR outweighs the value of a holiday. At all. If I can’t afford a family holiday in school holidays, then I’d never take a family holiday.

hairyturkey · 09/08/2019 12:00

What do you expect when such ridiculous rules are in place. It's an absolute joke.

pebblemix · 09/08/2019 12:08

Why do you care so much about what other people do about their holidays? Judgey and not really any of your business.

Crunchymum · 09/08/2019 12:09

Took mine out for 2 days recently (family wedding) told the teachers the truth but called into the office 'sick' for those days.

Will do the same when we go away in May (missing 3 days). We've not had a proper family holiday in 5 years so I'm not fussed about them missing a few days. I made sure it didn't coincide with SATS.

PinaC · 09/08/2019 12:10

It’s £60 per child per parent per day where we are
We got threatened with fines for illness. You can guess where I told them to go the absolute bastards

EmbarrassingMama · 09/08/2019 12:15

How much is an average holiday? £60 is about the same as the cost of 4 sandwiches in an airport these days.

PinaC · 09/08/2019 12:15

It is on the LA website that it’s £60 for each child and each parent and the school confirmed to us this was PER day

MyDcAreMarvel · 09/08/2019 12:17

@PinaC it’s not per day, the school may claim that to put people off and protect their attendance stats, but your LEA has to abide by the law.

iamthere123 · 09/08/2019 12:18

I have dobbed in serial offenders. When a child that was supposed to be sick went on her third holiday of the year and accidentally let it slip I did report it to the attendance officer. I generally go on the attitude that children who work damn hard in my classroom everyday, not necessarily the brightest ones or the ones with the highest attainment, but the ones that work their socks off, I would never tell anyone if they let slip because I do think that children should get a holiday (wish us teachers could do it too though!)

MargoLovebutter · 09/08/2019 12:20

Oh come on! People lie about stuff all of the time and expect their kids to lie too.

It makes me laugh, all the nonsense that people come out with about not lying. Lying is an essential life skill. DS is autistic and can't life for toffee and it causes no end of trouble.

I'm not a fan of children missing large chunks of school time, but I think it is absolutely ridiculous that missing the occasional few days here and there over some 13 years of education has become such a major crime. If you force people into situations where no compromise is possible, then no wonder they lie.

stayingaliveisawayoflife · 09/08/2019 12:23

We had a family that had d and v the week before the Easter and Summer holidays. Grandma owned a caravan that she rented out in high season so they could use it then. Child in my class talked about how much fun it was in the caravan. Little we could do about it but there you go!

Jinglejanglefish · 09/08/2019 12:27

I just wouldn't tell DD before we went, holiday would be a suprise. Then after she can say what she likes, I work in a school and this happens all the time, it's never followed up. As if they would go to all that effort to find proof just for a LA fine.

Caaarrrl · 09/08/2019 12:29

I'm a primary teacher. I find that even if the child had managed to keep quiet about the up coming holiday, one of their friends will tell me when I do the register. "He's on holiday, Miss." Or the child's tan gives it away.

I don't know why some pps are saying their children have never been asked. I ask every child how they are on their return to school after an illness because I actually care if they are feeling better and I have missed them. If it turns out they've been on holiday I talk to them about it and hope that they've had a lovely time. The register is then updated.

As a parent is your choice when to take a holiday, but I don't think anyone should ask their child to lie about it. Also, don't blame me if your child is in America for 3 weeks and then misses a whole unit in maths or English and then has gaps in their learning. Also, don't ask me to set extra work for them.

If, as a parent, you think that your child will benefit more from a holiday than being in school then that's your choice. Own it and be honest. They're your children not mine. I always want the families to enjoy their holidays.

Blossom28 · 09/08/2019 12:34

You think it is abuse?? I have never told my child to lie about it, but will take him out of school if I feel it is for something worthwhile. I really don’t think you understand what child abuse is, if you think going on a nice holiday and then not telling you teacher about it is! Hmm why does it bother you?

PinaC · 09/08/2019 12:38

That makes it even worse then !
I could see on LA website it was staying £60 for each child per parent and the school saying it was per day !
I did tell them where to go and not to ever mention it to us again for the rest of the time dc there

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