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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In relationship with secretive man

245 replies

Tausif · 08/08/2019 17:12

This sounds mad, but I have a relationship with a man I don't know anything about. Apart from what he tells me. We are together for 9 months now, he always stays at my place. I have never seen his place, his family, I don't know where he works, nothing. There is no trace of him on the internet. He does not answer my questions. Any sane woman would have thrown him out long ago, but I have never been in love like that.

OP posts:
MartiniDry · 09/08/2019 17:35

You went through his pockets and his wallet?? And you're worrying whether he is trustworthy?

ChicCroissant · 09/08/2019 17:38

Yes checked his wallet looked at his passport and gone through his jacket pockets. He is who he says he is. Nothing sinister or incriminating

That's hardly a quality relationship in my book, OP. If it is in yours, then you need to raise your standards. You are not in love with a person, but a fantasy that you've built up in your head.

TowelNumber42 · 09/08/2019 17:39

You are in love with your imagined version of him. Not much different to having a crush on a popstar or your teacher.

kierenthecommunity · 09/08/2019 18:06

What type of banker is he? It's a very general term

I used to work in the call centre at first direct. I could have described myself as a banker 😃

There is one question I’m dying to hear the answer to which is the one about what does he say when you ask where he works/where he lives/can you meet his folks etc? Does he just say he’s not telling you? And how to you respond to that? 🤔

TowelNumber42 · 09/08/2019 18:50

I remember a thread a long while ago where it turned out that the man was a filthy hoarder and lived in the most disgusting conditions.

Original poster
Tausif · 09/08/2019 18:54

He lives in Paris but comes to London each weekend. His daughter 26 lives in highgate. He wants his daughter to meet me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tausif · 09/08/2019 18:56

Thankyou for all your advice. No more advice needed.

OP posts:
QualCheckBot · 09/08/2019 19:08

He lives in Paris but comes to London each weekend. His daughter 26 lives in highgate. He wants his daughter to meet me.

And on page 9 of the thread, the secretive poster reveals that the secretive lover doesn't actually live in the UK permanently. And that might be the reason that she hasn't visited his home yet. Although she hasn't worked out that bit.

Possibly he doesn't even have a home in the UK for her to visit in the UK, because he lives in France. Possibly he even stays with his daughter (26) and doesn't have a base in London for the OP to stay over at, hence he stays at hers.

It would have been quite helpful if the OP had revealed all these clues at the beginning!

I'm thinking there is a very rational explanation for the OP not knowing much about him. The secretive lover takes almost as long to answer basic questions as she does herself!

GabsAlot · 09/08/2019 19:14

Biggest drip feed ever

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 09/08/2019 19:17

What type of banker is he? It's a very general term

the banker from Monopoly

Desmondo2016 · 09/08/2019 19:18

So you know he has a daughter but you don't know anything about him?

Lowlandlucky · 09/08/2019 19:21

Are you mad or deluded ? You cannot love a ghost

Mummymummums · 09/08/2019 19:24

Spy? SAS? Heinous rehabilitated criminal? Shock

Walkmehome · 09/08/2019 19:28

That’s why you’ve never been to his place. It’s in Paris!

Ohmygoodnessreally · 09/08/2019 19:28

Oh for goodness sake 🙄

lifebegins50 · 09/08/2019 19:28

This is just tedious.

Walkmehome · 09/08/2019 19:28

He works in Paris too?

Longqueue · 09/08/2019 19:30

He works for an organisation called the twelve and his 26 year old daughter is in fact a crazy assassin, codename: villanelle Wink

But seriously you have no idea who he is really and that isn’t safe or healthy

Henlie · 09/08/2019 19:42

What type of banker is he? It's a very general term

the banker from Monopoly

😂

AnneKipanki · 09/08/2019 19:45

Can we all be invited to the wedding?

pinkyredrose · 09/08/2019 19:54

Do you meet under the clock at Waterloo?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 09/08/2019 19:57

Bizarre

TowelNumber42 · 09/08/2019 20:16

Is this one of those threads where it is actually the implausible plot of a movie or book?

MRex · 09/08/2019 20:59

Have you seen his tickets to confirm it's definitely Paris? Have you spoken to the daughter?

I'm also curious about what he says when you ask where he works, why he wouldn't be on LinkedIn and why you haven't gone for a weekend in Paris in 9 months. It's not like going to Melbourne, you just hop on a train.

I bet I could find him with the passport details.

DeeCeeCherry · 09/08/2019 21:00

He lives in Paris - Yet you've never visited him there..?

Anyway this is a very Snore-y Jackanory, implausible doesnt cover it

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