Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In relationship with secretive man

245 replies

Tausif · 08/08/2019 17:12

This sounds mad, but I have a relationship with a man I don't know anything about. Apart from what he tells me. We are together for 9 months now, he always stays at my place. I have never seen his place, his family, I don't know where he works, nothing. There is no trace of him on the internet. He does not answer my questions. Any sane woman would have thrown him out long ago, but I have never been in love like that.

OP posts:
AnneKipanki · 09/08/2019 14:41

Are you the mystery man , Tausif ?

Original poster
Tausif · 09/08/2019 15:07

He had his passport because he was returning from Paris

OP posts:
Original poster
Tausif · 09/08/2019 15:08

No

OP posts:
neighbourssitu · 09/08/2019 15:10

@Tausif we need more info

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 09/08/2019 15:12

This thread feels like a weird version of Guess Who...

OP... does he have glasses?

PippiDeLena · 09/08/2019 15:16

Is he wearing a hat?

SandAndSea · 09/08/2019 15:17

He might not be married. He might live with his parents or in a dump.

If he's secretive about basic things, he's hiding something significant and putting blocks between you.

It sounds like you want different things.

jamoncrumpet · 09/08/2019 15:20

I can see why you and this man with very little to say might get on so well Grin

LordNibbler · 09/08/2019 15:20

@QualCheckBot I was thinking exactly the same thing.

Sadiesnakes · 09/08/2019 15:26

You're just as secretive as him op.
Either you are a very silly woman/ girl? (Hard to call with writing style and so little info) Confused
Or it's a pisstake.. Thinking maybe the latter..

Walkmehome · 09/08/2019 15:31

Why don’t you just say the whole story in full sentences?

IamtheOA · 09/08/2019 15:47

Dear god, don't give him money

KatherineJaneway · 09/08/2019 16:03

But also I do know despite his secrecy that he is not a scammer or married or in another relationship or violent

Being kind, you don't know any of the above. You want it to be true and believe it to be true, but there are no facts to support your beliefs.

Ask yourself why a man would enter into a relationship with someone but not tell them anything about himself? Hide his friends, hide his family, hide his home, hide his occupation.

Original poster
Tausif · 09/08/2019 16:05

He has never asked for money

OP posts:
Henlie · 09/08/2019 16:07

You say he’s in banking..... he’s not one of those ‘Ive come into a large inheritance in Nigeria but can’t get it out the country, due to tax laws/regulations.....etc But you could do it for me with your UK bank account. I’d be willing to give you £££££ for your troubles?!😐

MyOtherProfile · 09/08/2019 16:18

So what actually happens when you ask him about himself?

MidnightMystery · 09/08/2019 16:22

He's married - not divorced.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/08/2019 16:41

Can you answer my questions upthread?

matahairyy · 09/08/2019 16:45

You say he’s in banking..... he’s not one of those ‘Ive come into a large inheritance in Nigeria but can’t get it out the country, due to tax laws/regulations.....etc But you could do it for me with your UK bank account. I’d be willing to give you £££££ for your troubles?!😐

Then “oh and do you like it up the oxo tower” 😀

IamtheOA · 09/08/2019 16:59

Or, you know, maybe he's a secret millionaire, and he's testing OP out.

Have you GIVEN him money?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 09/08/2019 17:12

What do you even talk about if you don't know ANY of these things?!

wizzywig · 09/08/2019 17:18

Isnt your name a male name?

AnneKipanki · 09/08/2019 17:23

This all sounds like a French film I saw years ago but they met in a hotel ,

TowelNumber42 · 09/08/2019 17:26

Look him up on LinkedIn. If he's a banker it would be extremely unusual for him not to be there.

What type of banker is he? It's a very general term.

Sparklesocks · 09/08/2019 17:31

Either:

He’s lying

He doesn’t want you to find out he’s married/a gambler/a convict/a ghost/two cats in a trench coat

Or

He doesn’t like you enough to introduce the people in his life.

There’s no ‘good’ explanation for why a man you’d been with for nearly a year would be so secretive and irked by questions about himself. It’s best you get out now.