Was I BU telling a woman not to speak to my son?

[Spinoni]

I realise I might be. But in the moment I was so annoyed.

In Sainsbury’s with DD 8 months and DS4
Son wants to go down toy isle- we don’t often to to Sainsburys so he was overly excited. As all 4 year olds are while looking for toys!

Go to the isle, he is looking and I noticed the ‘ boy ‘ toys were down the next isle.
By boy toys I mean toys I know he likes toys he has toys he’s into and toys that are quite frankly marketed at boys.
Me - ‘ ooo look DS name the boys toys are over here ‘
Interfering woman down isle to my son - ‘ you know you can play with whatever you want let your mummy know that ‘

FIRSTLY I was annoyed that I’m not ‘ forcing ‘ him to ‘ boys ‘ toys. It’s stuff I know he wants.
SECONDLY why even say anything?

The thing I massively regret is saying anything.
I said pardon?
And she replied ‘ Sorry it was just the way you said boys toys - when he can play with whatever he wants he shouldn’t be told their just for boys ‘

I replied probably not too politely telling her to mind her own business and I’ll parent how I want to and walked away.
And I could then hear her and another customer talking about me saying how rude I was ?
Was I BU?
I feel mortified I just was angry that something I said was interpreted as me forcing my son into something it’s ridiculous

I think she is right with the sentiment, but wrong to have said anything.

Why anyone would say "the boy's toys are over there" rather than "the character you like /the cars ... Are down there" is beyond me unless there is a belief in boys and girls toys.

If you were rude to her and came out with 'i'll parent how I like' then that's going to get a reaction (just like her comment got a reaction from you).

It's an odd thing to say to your son. Normally people just say rhe toys are there, so agree with the pp her sentiment was correct, but quite frankly she shouldn't have got involved. If you wish to go down the ludicrous line of boys v girls toys it is indeed none of her business.

You were daft, she was interfering, you were pretty rude back 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t have said anything if I’d overheard you but I would be thinking along the same lines. A supermarket is not the place to approach such a subject as it’s only had a snapshot insight into someone’s life.
Personally, I would have used your choice of words.

Hmm! Takes me back. I think it was about 1985 when I was in a shop with a female colleague and we overheard a father tell his daughter that "the girls' toys are over there". Colleague said, politely but firmly "Actually there is no such thing as girls toys and boys toys". The father just looked a bit started and walked away.

Kind of depressing that more than 30 years after that this attitude still exists.

I think I do believe in boys and girls toys though.
Generally my son likes completely different things to his female friends. It doesn’t mean they don’t each play with each others toys but generally I do see a difference between boys and girls toys. Just like there’s boys sections and girls for clothes- I still buy him leggings from the girls, but their still marketed as girls
Doesn’t mean I’m against buying him dolls etc whatever- but he isn’t interested. He was more confused by what this random woman was saying to him

She was trying to be all modern and cool and condescending and it was really none of her business at all. YANBU

Would NOT!!

I would have told her in no uncertain terms to mind her own business

Surely toys should NOT be marketed to a specific gender, and should not be in separate aisles.

She was out of order.
I've views on some things that I feel quite strongly about & I promote awareness of them with other adults if the opportunity arises, by way of quite pleasant comments in a conversational way.

Its not the OPs fault that the specific toys her son likes are in the 'boys' section ffs

I'm actually struggling with the concept of boys toys. My daughter is 22. So her toys were before all the pc shite. And she had a scaletrix and footballs, she played with what she wished. I never once diverted her to the dolls or pink shite, there was no such thing as girls toys.

I'm struggling to think nearly two decades later some folk still do that.

I'd not have said anything but I'd probably have rolled my eyes so hard I'd have seen my own brain.

She was rude and I can see why you got defensive at her.

Her sentiment was right though. Your DS might be into “boys toys” now, but labelling them thus makes it less likely that he’ll feel able to expand his interests later.

Anecdotally, my DD has very stereotypically “girly” interests until about 4 or 5, when she suddenly got into trains. I wonder if she’d have felt comfortable enough to do that if I’d used the lazy shorthand of “girls toys” to refer to the dolls she liked. Maybe, maybe not?

I would have rolled my eyes on the inside if I heard you saying 'boys toys' but I wouldn't have interfered like she did.

Kind of depressing that more than 30 years after that this attitude still exists

I fully agree; however, I think this attitude is far more prevalent now than it was 30 years ago. We seem to have gone backwards.

I roll my eyes at gendered marketing for toys and I would definitely have thought the same as that woman, but I'd never have said anything to you.

I think she is right but probably should have kept it to herself. There is no such thing as a boys toy or girls toy, the woman was correct.

You were encouraging gender stereotypes and limiting your child. I don't think she said anything wrong, but she was interfering and I can see why you didn't like it and felt defensive. You were pretty rude back.

I am really shocked that everyone is so mortified I said boys toys.
It goes without saying that he can play with and have an interest in whatever he wants. But things are marketed towards a certain gender in every supermarket/ toy shop

Does the same rule apply for saying boys clothes ?
I think I was more annoyed she said it to my son- who had no ide what she was talking about

YABU - you might not stop him playing with toys you consider are for ‘girls’ but you are telling him not to even look at them because he’s a boy. Very sexist.

However I wouldn’t have said anything because I’m not brave enough. I would have judged you though.

My DD loved Thomas the tank, I still pointed her to the boys toys. Society dictates they are for boys as does marketing. There aren't any adverts with boys opening hatchimals are there?

Catalogues likewise divide it up in to boys and girls.

My DDs like boys toys. They understand the stereotype, they just dont feel ruled by it.

Perhaps you would have been better saying something more like...

I know this, tell the retailer, they display the toys according to gender stereotypes

Generally my son likes completely different things to his female friends. It doesn’t mean they don’t each play with each others toys

Do you understand how contradictory this is? So he's playing with toys he doesn't like when he plays with the girls toys.

The reason he likes the toys he has, is because that's where you direct him, you clearly and vocally point him to the section yiu think he should be interested in. It's trained.

She was The interfering and rude one and it's lucky she didn't get told to 'Fuck off you nosey bitch'.

There was nothing wrong with what you said. He's 4 not 14.
Funny how the general public think they're entitled to comment on someone else's parenting.

You’re both BU. Her for saying it out loud to a stranger and you for being stuck in the 50’s.