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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not struggle financially

317 replies

billsnewhat · 06/08/2019 08:04

Good morning fellow mumsnetters. Last yr we were left some money by an elderly relative it isnt a life changing amount but we both agreed this money would take the pressure off slightly. 18 months on and my DJ has decided that this money is not to be touched we paid off the mortgage and the rest is to be saved for retirement as my husband wants to retire at 50 which is 4 yrs time. He has now working overtime at work to make extra money to live and is absolutely exhausted and I have a £20 budget for the summer holidays. He says the kids eat his money and I spoil them by spending money on taking them out for a daily walk and a trip to the park should suffice no swimming or cinema as we can't afford it - the thing is we can afford it and it annoys me that we are struggling when we don't need to. No holiday either as we can't afford it - AiBU he has always been money savvy hence why we have a nice house in a nice area as he bought his first house at 19 by saving and managing his money from 14! His sister tells me he spent no money for 5 years as it was his dream to own his own house before he was 20. Every spare moment at moment is spent moving money from account to account to get the right rate. AIBU to think we should the enjoy money a bit more?

OP posts:
Original poster
billsnewhat · 06/08/2019 08:05

Posted too quick. £20 each week not all holidays and DH not DJ

OP posts:
Walkmehome · 06/08/2019 08:07

That’s ridiculous. No holiday or fun activities through the whole summer holidays when you have the money.

Do you have access to the money yourself? I would be spending it/taking it out as required.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/08/2019 08:09

Why don't you get to decide equally? Is he claiming it's his because he was left the money?

Just say no, we need this amount to go out and enjoy ourselves so I'm taking it out.

His workaholism needs to be addressed to, at some point it becomes a sign of poor mental health - sounds like he's there already.

Reallybadidea · 06/08/2019 08:09

All this so that he can retire at 50?

newmomof1 · 06/08/2019 08:09

He wants you to only spend £20 a week on your children so he can retire early?
Fuck that!

Who was the inheritance from?

Disfordarkchocolate · 06/08/2019 08:10

It sounds like he's planning a very dull retirement, lots of time spent not enjoying yourself but making sure you have enough money to die old and miserable.

Who's relative was it?
How old are your children?
Do you have access to the money?

OtraCosaMariposa · 06/08/2019 08:11

he's not money savvy.

He's tight.

Ellabella989 · 06/08/2019 08:12

He needs to compromise a bit! I get that he wants to retire young as that would be fantastic - but life is to also be lived in the meantime and he can’t expect everything to just stop until he’s reached his goal!

MiniCooperLover · 06/08/2019 08:12

You need a lot of money to retire at 50! Whose side of the family did the inheritance come from ?!

jaseyraex · 06/08/2019 08:14

Was it your relative or his? Why dont you get a say on what to do with this money? He sounds a right tight bastard and you are definitely not being unreasonable. Do you also get to retire at 50 or is this money only for his plans?

MIdgebabe · 06/08/2019 08:16

If he is not enjoying his job it can be pretty galling to head out to work each day, handing over money for others to enjoy whilst he is stuck in the rat cage. What felt like a good idea starts to become a prison you can’t escape. Do you earn money as well or is the burden all on him?

Walkmehome · 06/08/2019 08:20

What is he usually like with money?

gamerwidow · 06/08/2019 08:21

Do you work and how old are your DC? If his the only one working i don’t think I could begrudge him going he’ll got leather to be able to afford to stop. Unless you have young children there is no reason why you shouldn’t be working if you want more household money to play with.

Katinthedoghouse · 06/08/2019 08:23

Sounds like a miserable existence.

How old are the kids ?

CalmdownJanet · 06/08/2019 08:24

Who's relative was it?

He sounds like a right fun sponge, there is a huge difference between being sensible and being a miser! So he retires early but meanwhile back at the ranch you and the kids are missing out, yanbu

Adversecamber22 · 06/08/2019 08:25

I’m not like your DH but was also saving and investing as a teen, his levels are miserable though.

As someone who retired in their forties, due to ill health though and not by choice. I can tell you now, none of his friends will have the sort of time he will. I have cultured a new circle of friends lots of them are two decades older than me as retired at the regular age. It was pretty dull being alone all the time, as that’s the reality of an early retirement.

I do know someone who retired in their fifties so they can run marathons. I think a burning desire to be devoted to something you love and adore makes sense but not at the expense of treating your family badly.

In all this what is your income? Is he the only one bringing money in? Well if you divorce he will have to split everything 50/50, just remind him of that.

Iggly · 06/08/2019 08:26

I’m guess you’re a sahm with young ish children?

Has he ever looked after the kids to fully understand what it’s like?

£20 a week?????

Who set this budget?

Plexie · 06/08/2019 08:27

It's not clear if your current income is enough to cover those things or whether you can only afford them from the inheritance money. If the latter, then it's understandable that DH doesn't want to fritter it away. Although if you've paid off the mortgage surely you have more spare income each month? Or is DH syphoning it into his pension savings?

You need to have a healthy balance between saving for the future but still 'living' life as you go through it and not just 'existing' until some distant point in the future when you assume everything will be rosy. You never know what life is going to throw at you - serious illness, early death, dying within 6 months of retirement.

Also, if he retires at 50 what is he going to spend his time (and money) on? Is he going to be miserly counting the pennies for the next 40 years? Sounds a miserable existence.

Walkmehome · 06/08/2019 08:32

What are your retirement plans?

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 06/08/2019 08:34

If he's not careful a wizard will come and turn all his money to potatoes.
What is the point really if struggling when you don't need to? As long as you're sensible nwith provisions for the future which it sounds like you are, life is for living. There has to be balance. YANBU.

kidsdoingmyheadin · 06/08/2019 08:37

He wants you to only spend £20 a week on your children so he can retire early?
Fuck that!

I agree!

Lilymossflower · 06/08/2019 08:38

Its quote selfish how he is considering that the kids arent allowed swimming, cinema etc , I think

Nosavingshere · 06/08/2019 08:38

Was it dh relative or yours who left the money?
If you have paid off the mortgage then you should have more disposable income per month, what’s happening to that?

MoccaIceCream · 06/08/2019 08:39

when will you retire? 50 or more like 68?

areyoubeingserviced · 06/08/2019 08:39

I can understand being careful, but he sounds extremely dull. He’s sucking all the joy out of life.