AIBU to not struggle financially

[billsnewhat]

Good morning fellow mumsnetters. Last yr we were left some money by an elderly relative it isnt a life changing amount but we both agreed this money would take the pressure off slightly. 18 months on and my DJ has decided that this money is not to be touched we paid off the mortgage and the rest is to be saved for retirement as my husband wants to retire at 50 which is 4 yrs time. He has now working overtime at work to make extra money to live and is absolutely exhausted and I have a £20 budget for the summer holidays. He says the kids eat his money and I spoil them by spending money on taking them out for a daily walk and a trip to the park should suffice no swimming or cinema as we can't afford it - the thing is we can afford it and it annoys me that we are struggling when we don't need to. No holiday either as we can't afford it - AiBU he has always been money savvy hence why we have a nice house in a nice area as he bought his first house at 19 by saving and managing his money from 14! His sister tells me he spent no money for 5 years as it was his dream to own his own house before he was 20. Every spare moment at moment is spent moving money from account to account to get the right rate. AIBU to think we should the enjoy money a bit more?

There is no way that I’d allow dh to dictate to me how much I can spend. You work and aren’t entitled to spend whatever you can afford.

So he wants to retire in 4 years time but surely making memories and having a fun summer holiday is important to your children . Before too long your children will be grown up, it’s seems he’s so intent on focusing on his retirement that he’s forgetting that children grow up .

You are entitled to to spend not aren’t entitled to spend!

Well this is the problem with people who are 'careful' with money; dull at best, controlling at worst...your dh sounds like the latter.

Am I the only one that thinks £20 a week for fun with kids isn’t that bad? I’m assuming it’s fun spending money, not for everything.

There are plenty of free summer activities all around. Arrange play dates with friends, buy art/craft stuff from Poundland, spend time gardening, if the kids are old enough do some baking together, and cinemas have £3 tickets during kids holidays!

He doesn’t want to work after 50. That’s his choice. If he is not forcing you to work outside home, how do you decide when he should retire? Boring existence cannot be changed with money. And having money is not the only way you can have a colourful life.

Also he sounds lazy retiring at 50.

Katelyn88, the kids are 13 and 11

Sounds awful. DH always seems to have very ambitious and unusual financial goals at the expense of family life and general living- eg buying house at 20, retiring by 50

In four years' time your children's childhood will almost be over. It seems a shame to miss out on doing things as a family now. You won't get that time back.

May be you could find some work one day a week that might pay for holiday activities

Why should OP have to work more to fund school holiday activities?

Why don't you compromise and swap your hours? Work full time yourself and he work part-time and look after the kids/keep house?

If you've been doing it the other way round for (I assume), the best part of 13 years then I can fully understand where he's coming from.

Op, could you work full time for a few years? Your DH can work part time, enjoy a bit with kids etc? That way he could perhaps work longer than 4 years?

If he retires in four years it doesn't really give the children a role model of being a hard working citizen. The children will only be 17 & 15. If he hates his job then can he not go part time in a job he liked more.

Do you work OP? Genuine question not snarky.

So no money for you and the kids so he can stop work - I don't think so!

He will be worse when he retires he will watch every penny because he is retired and not earning any more. It will be awful so you need to have a very firm conversation with him now. Make a plan on how you want to use the money, or at least some of it and don't let him talk you out of it. You can't put life on hold because he wants to retire early, lots of people had less years ago and were content, just because he was happy with very little doesn't mean he can deprive you all now.

This week DS(13) has been out every single day. On his bike, playing football in the park, making a waterslide in his mate's garden, sleepovers and generally hanging out. He's had £10 off me to go swimming (£7 of that is his pocket money anyway). He's having a whale of a time.

I agree that one partner does not get to dictate the financial culture in the household; there must be some compromise. But to claim without spending money you are "virtually housebound" is crazy.

curly - OP has already answered this

And I hate this capitalist lie we have all been sold about working until 70 to buy yet more crappy stuff we don't need, consume yet more, otherwise you are a poor role model for your kids, or lazy, or boring.

Yes lots of people live hand to mouth because of stupidly low wages and will never be able to retire. But equally lots of people are rolling in money, work stupidly long hours, are stressed and miserable and never see their kids.

They spend the money they earn working stupid hours basically on stuff to enable them to work stupid hours (domestic help, childcare and conveniences) and on stuff to prove their status (cars and gadgets and expensive holidays and experiences). It is madness, it is a hamster wheel.

Ffs unless someone is living on the breadline then expecting your family to live like this is just cruelty. The kids will end up resenting you both

Is there a reason you can't work more? It does seem he bearing the major brunt right now and your kids are old enough you don't need to be home.

Good on you for taking the kids out yesterday. A trip to the cinema and a lunch with your daughter is hardly a lavish lifestyle. Besides; it's combined family income.

He sounds a bit bonkers and I think there's a middle ground between not living a lavish lifestyle (which you obviously have no interest in doing anyway), and endlessly saving for a future that means you won't be able to spend then either.

maeficient why is retiring at 50 lazy??? What a weird attitude.

He could have been working 30 years by that point. Who says that everyone must work all their lives? If he has found an alternative, he should take it.

However he should relax a little as his kids are growing up and do need some money spending on them. However you can do plenty with a little money if you think creatively. Days out do not need to be speedy unless you choose them to be.

Katelyn88 agree so much with your 10.55 comment.

Sorry but I can't stand tight people.
There is being careful and being tight and I think it's a horrible trait to have, especially at the expense of his wife and children.

If he thinks the kids are "eating" his money now, god help him when they're both teens and want £20 alone just to go to Nando's or wherever.

My 16yr old ds costs me a fortune. His phone, gym, away games for football ( his dad pays for his season ticket ) clothes, trainers, skincare and toiletries and huge amounts of food.

Retiring at 50 will only benefit him. It's a pretty selfish attitude to have. He could drop dead tomorrow or live to 100. Whilst I sympathise with his reasons, it's unfair to use said reasons to almost financially abuse the family in his quest.

he sounds lazy retiring at 50 - really?!
I say, well done to your DH for achieving so much so quickly off his own hard work. And well done OP for supporting him (I’m guessing you keep everything together on the home front).
What we have here is a man with a plan: buy the house, have a nice wife and good mother to their two kids, retire as early as possible to enjoy whatever harmless hobby he dreams off. The inheritance helped him complete more of his ‘tick boxes’ in that the mortgage is now paid off.
£20/week for kids activities during holidays is relative to the standard of living. To some it is very little, to others it’s about right and to others it is more than they can afford. OP, if possible, you could consider funding the kids’ activities and extra spending yourself. He is not dictating earning or spending limitations on your money so his current attitude could be overcome with your own money whilst he provides for the bigger picture, longer term security.
I guess the harder job for you OP is to somehow try and encourage him to spend a bit more leisure time with the family so he can see how much enjoyment that brings and that, in fact, his children are not just a drain on his finances. At present he is following his plan and doesn’t want any deviation. That’s just the way he is now with his obsession. Once that’s over when he retires, he will probably find another project with a deadline.