To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

I agree. I think you've been unlucky - the men round here are usually very discreet when there are other women using the feeding rooms. Maybe JL will put up a sign if you ask nicely?

Still angry with the stupid cow in JL who wouldn't let me feed my screaming newborn because she and her mate were using the feeding room (only one actually had a baby with her)

YANBU. It's a female space and these are often used by women who are uncomfortable feeding in more public places. Never in a million years would my DP come inside a a space for breastfeeding mothers just so he could chat to me!

But you'll probably get replies from people who apparently need their partners with them constantly, and that seems to trumps other women's need for a safe space.

Are they "breastfeeding" rooms or "feeding" rooms? Because i think that makes a difference. No reason why a dad couldn't be in there to feed his child.
But if, like you say, they are in there with breastfeeding partners, it's not like they're in there to try a grab a free look at boobs.
So often we talk about fathers not taking an active enough role/being supportive enough, and then we complain about them encroaching on "our" space.
On balance yes, yabu.

@1stmonkey I don't think the room is officially 'called' anything - it's just a cordoned off area from the baby changing space. But the fact that there is a curtain there surely suggests it's meant to be a private/discrete space.

Why ever not, it's nothing to cover up or be embarrassed about.

My OH watched me feed at the time, nowadays it is DILs who feed in front of him, he rarely notices and does not see it as sexual at all.

My OH watched me feed at the time, nowadays it is DILs who feed in front of him, he rarely notices and does not see it as sexual at all.

That's missing the OPs point I think. Some of the women using this sort of room will be ones who don't want to feed their baby in front of any unknown men, period.

I'm a bit split on this ... perhaps at least men who want to come in should get their partner to check it's ok with any other mothers who are already in there?

Where does this end? No lesbians in case they fancy a sneaky peak at some lactating mammaries?

It's a feeding space in a baby changing room. It's open to all.

I agree it is designed as I see it as a private nursing space for mother's.

I think YABU. I would want my husband to be able to come in if I needed him.

I'm torn on this one. My initial reaction is that men shouldn't come in, but then when we started using bottles we used a feeding room in mothercare and my DH came in. Depends on the situation maybe - if it's eg a breastfeeding area in the Ikea cafe then it's reasonable to assume the women in there aren't comfortable feeding in public and so it should be a men-free zone, but if it's in a shop where it's just the only place you can sit down to feed them perhaps not.

Maybe the curtain is to offer privacy for all the babies getting their nappies changed?

So often we talk about fathers not taking an active enough role/being supportive enough, and then we complain about them encroaching on "our" space.

Fine if your DH/DP encroaches in your space. Not fine if he encroaches in another woman’s who may not be comfortable with him there. Let him sit and gaze at you feeding in your own home.

I think the very fact that a woman has chosen to use this space suggests that she is more comfortable in feeding somewhere private. Otherwise she would just as easily feed her baby in the restaurant or some other public place in the store. For this reason imo men should keep out. Why does their desire to be with their DW/DP while she feeds their child trump other women’s choice to feed their children in comfort and without feeling awkward?

Goodness me! People can’t moan about low rates of breastfeeding/wanting to normalise it AND then ban men from entering those areas where there might be feeding women. I’m my John Lewis, in order to get to the baby change you need to walk through the feeding area. Can my husband not change a nappy now?

I would want my husband to be able to come in if I needed him.

Oh well, as long as you get what you want then nothing else matters.

Thanks @Lycidas
My understanding was that these rooms were introduced so women didn't have to breastfeed in toilets etc, to avoid prying eyes and to have somewhere safe and comfortable to go (obvs a good thing). I guess i struggle to see a problem with dads being part of that.
From my own experience, i used one of these rooms in a Tesco (good few years ago now) when we were out for a family day and got our timings/route planning wrong. I didn't use them regularly and was in a town and a shop i didn't know. My DH did come in with me and i remember feeling safer for it. But we were the only people in there. Don't know how i would have felt if other women had already been using the space. Think i would have been annoyed if DH was banned from it though.

I don’t think YANBU. Of course it is nothing to be embarrassed about and Im sure the men are not intentionally trying to catch a glimpse of anyone’s boobs but if a woman has chosen to use such a space, they are likely doing so because they want a bit of privacy. I have breastfed 3 babies and mostly feel confident enough to feed in the cafe or anywhere else I can perch my bum but there have been times along the way when I was having difficulty and needed a more private environment. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable with a man in there either, even if he is just chatting to his partner. It would be polite for them to at least offer to step outside if another woman comes in to use the room.

It's never even occurred to me that they are female spaces. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if another man was in there or if my partner came in that it would upset others. My bad maybe. But how odd.

If you want Full privacy I say stay at home! Another breastfeeding mothers husband is highly unlikely to be a threat

If it’s random men with no partner & baby or baby, then yes.
But fathers should be allowed in either to chat with partner or bottle feed their baby.