To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

Also in our shopping centre. It's a huge room 3 toilet cubicles to the right. Straight ahead 2 changing mats and basins. To the right a load of sofas in a 'circle' to feed..no curtain. In the middle of the sofas is one of those activities tables for toddlers.
So In that case either men can't use the facility at all to even change baby. Or. If they wait out side they're just in the centre kinda in the way if its busy just standing around

• to the left is sofas!

I support, wholeheartedly, feeding rooms for the use of both fathers and mothers. In fact, we need more of them.

We also need dedicated breastfeeding areas, closed off and away from men, for breastfeeding mothers.

Some women tandem feed (might be due to lack of time or they purposely sync feeds so they can have more sleep at night). If you have one baby feeding then you might need help to have the other baby physically passed over to you from the pram or wherever.

Then you simply go out of the breastfeeding mothers space, change the babies over (i.e hand baby 1 over to Dad,receive baby 2 from Dad) and go back in?

Also mother and baby breastfeeding spaces usually had enough space for a toddler in a pushchair.

The point I am trying to make is that there is no reason at all for men to be present in a space dedicated to breastfeeding mothers.

Agreed. I don't need men I don't know around me when I am breastfeeding.

Am I invisible? Did I not give a reasonable reason why a man would be in a dedicated breastfeeding area? What do you expect disabled mums to do Kite?

Yes things were different 30 years ago. Men went to the pub while the mother gave birth. Went back to work the next day. Didn’t help with night feeds. Didn’t change nappies or help with cooking and other children.. what a time to be alive
I can’t believe anyone would argue against paternity leave. Women who give birth should “just get on with mothering” fuck the fuck off

Tried to imagine my husband going into such a space. Couldn't. Normal, nice men take great pains not to make women uncomfortable. I know my DH isn't a wrong'un, but any unknown woman isn't going to magically know that- hence he would cross the road at night rather than make some poor woman feel followed, stand on the bus rather than squeeze in beside a teenage girl, stay out of changing rooms, cubicles and breastfeeding areas designed for women, etc. It's not something your average man has a problem understanding.

Anyone want to answer my question? Or shall I just accept I'm useless and need to woman up or my DH is an abusive bastard/rapist/general wrong 'un? Here I though he was helping me but you've all shown me the error of my ways. Raging pervert so he is.

Are you drunk? No one has said those things. Don't be obtuse.

Who you talking to enclume

Yes they did. Did you read all the posts? Men coming into the area might be controlling bastards, and they commit almost all sexual assaults, and you yourself made the 'wrong un' comment. Its all there.

I am not drunk. I am disabled. I NEED (not want, or would like) my DH to come into a breastfeeding area to help me. Yet people keep saying NO MAN AT ALL should be allowed in. I'd like to know what I should do? And the comments about controlling men and wrong uns are really shitty to read when I've explained why a man would be there.

Sorry OK, I was responding to OvO.

Op I've always assumed that the area behind the curtain was a breastfeeding private area. Bit grim it's only seperated from the bin by a curtain.
If it was intended as a general feeding area men folk welcome what would be the purpose of the curtain?

I only really used BFing rooms when my babies were tiny and needed help latching. But i wouldn't be that happy to be doing that in front of random blokes.

For those who Need to chat to partner while feeding - use a mobile.

God you all make breastfeeding sound so difficult needing a special room, a nice chair, a curtain, no one around, silence. No wonder hardly anyone breastfeeds, you make it so much harder than it needs to be!

Me out the house. Need to feed. Find cafe (or just a seat even). Sit down. Send husband to buy drink. I feed. We carry on like the world hasn't stopped turning enjoying a brew and getting on with life. I've never hidden in a room or behind a curtain, how bizarre (I might add I'm not one of those who gets naked and needs everyone to know I'm feeding either, discreet but not hidden away!).

Ovo, why would you use a breastfeeding area over, say, the food court?

Is privacy, not having your boob exposed in front of unknown males a factor?

Oh I dont know, maybe the more supportive chairs, the baby change being a few feet away, and close access to the disabled toilet for me.

I dont want anyone to feel embarrassed. Id go out my way to prevent that. As a disabled person I've had my own share of being embarrassed about stuff when out and about. I'd love to give every breastfeeding mum 100% of whatever they need but unfortunately what I need sometimes clashes with that. I cant stay home just to prevent these situations.

No OvOb, I don’t think anyone’s really listening. They’d probably prefer the changing table to be in the disabled toilets too

I had my twins abroad. A lot of places like shopping malls and supermarkets had breast feeding areas. There were always signs up saying no men allowed. I always felt more comfortable feeding my twins in a women-only space as it took a long time. With my next child I was fine breast-feeding in public, but I also would be very shocked to see a man walk into a breast-feeding room.

I wonder about women's changing rooms in shops. Should men be allowed in them too?

OvO I don’t understand your issue- No one can have a problem with your DH helping you physically, but he doesn’t need to sit there for the whole 20 minute feed does he? You’d just prewarn any women present that he’ll be coming in to help you out of the seat or whatever.

Yes he'd need to sit there the whole time. I wont be explaining my disability on here, or my medical needs, but I would need him there. I can assure you its crappy for me needing constant bloody help and if I could manage alone I would and I'd love to be able to!

And theres more than one post stating NO MAN which is why I keep banging on.

Well then the likelihood is you’ll potentially be excluding other women so you can feed- is that ok with you?