To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

Some women just clearly want a bit of support whikst they are establishing feeding

I will ask again. What form does this support take? Does DH/DP sit there with his arm around the breastfeeding mother? Does he hold her hand? Does he hold her breast in position? Does he hold the baby’s head? Does he read out loud the instructions from ‘How to breast feed in easy steps’? Does he murmur words of encouragement? Does he act like a cheerleader shouting ‘come on, you can do it’? What, for fucks sake does he actually do to ‘support’? I’m genuinely intrigued to know.

What, for fucks sake does he actually do to ‘support’? I’m genuinely intrigued to know.

I suspect the support offered by any man happy to invade breastfeeding mothers privacy will largely involve leering at other women's tits. Look at AlexandPeas experience - any decent supportive man would have the decency to realise he shouldn't be there and would back out sharpish.

@dadshere
Fuck me a man has spoken. He must be right. 🙄

So you want to gate crash a woman’s space for your pleasure. What purpose does your presence in a breastfeeding room serve beyond intimidating women, whose bodies are weaker than normal from having recently given birth?

@AlexandPea I'm so sorry for this experience, I also have had to deal with this.

The way I see it is, CAN your husbands or partners really not be away from you for 10 minutes or so? I'm pretty sure your husbands go to the loo by themselves and don't expect you to stand in the bathroom chatting to you, but then again, there isn't other woman's breasts there to ogle at? Do you see what I'm getting at????

Why would a man want to be in a room of breastfeeding women? I just spoke to my husband about it because often he will browse around the store while I go into the feeding room. He said why would any man want to be around it? Unless they want to ogle? It's just awkward and uncomfortable. We can all pussy foot around "equality and all this shit" but we all know the truth.

And honestly, no-one except form yourself can feed the baby if breastfeeding (lets exclude those very few woman with disabilities but even then tbh the man should then help his partner then leave) and I'm sure other woman would be willing to help etc.

So to the all woman whose men have told them they ain't staring at other woman's breasts under false pretences. Please stop fooling yourself, he definitely is catching glimpses of others breast. And he wants to look. Stop lying to yourself

If it is a feeding space, men can be there

But if it's a breastfeeding space, only a complete arse would insist on being there when it should be abundantly clear that many the people who need this space don't want him there.

It's not about you. It's not about whether you or I think there shouldn't be anything embarrassing about breastfeeding.

'When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.'

My teenage DS is around when cousins etc. feed their babies and does not bat an eyelid, to me this is progress. The mums are not bothered, he is not bothered. This is a natural event carried out by humans and animals. Anyone who gets the vapours over this has a problem.

It’s nothing to do with ogling, or anything sexual. It’s about dignity and privacy.

“Anyone who gets the vapours over this has a problem.”

So any woman who chooses not to bf in front of your teenage ds is “having a fit of the vapours”. Right.

Christ imagine having a baby we someone as stupid and self centred as @dadshere

At our local shopping center, the feeding rooms have bottle warmers and microwaves in as well as chairs and a water cooler, so in those I think it is perfectly acceptable for men to be in there, if they need the facilities. If it is a breastfeeding room, then no, men shouldn't be in there.

to me this is progress

Yes, it is. Progress. But we're still at the point where some people find (or claim to find) BFing in public 'offensive', and in which many women do feel vulnerable, unconfident, embarrassed etc.

We need a lot more progress before the need for privacy for BF'ing mothers is obviated. Maybe that ideal will never be achieved.

On the other thread, they said there were two areas, a breastfeeding area and a bottle feeding area.

@justasking111
When I was breastfeeding dd in a group of women with babies, I had no issue with breastfeeding in a cafe with them as I felt protected by the group. When I was out alone, I wanted the safety and comfort of the breastfeeding room, especially as dd got older. Some women will only feed in one of these rooms. Other women are happy to feed their babies anywhere when they are alone. This doesn’t make one person right and the others wrong.

The only person having a fit of the vapours is you because people think and act differently from your example of your family members. The irony is you are discussing known teenaged males in a private home. Not a breast feeding room with fully adult males.

The teenage boy is not the one whose feelings I would care about in that scenario.

Fully adult males whose partners are breastfeeding, until we realise that men accept the boob as a source of food, then we as women are guilty of sexualising them.

Breast feeding is not a spectator sport. 🤦‍♀️

justasking I think you will find many men are very good at sexualising boobs without any help from women. Why are women always to blame for men's behaviour?

"Dadshere... And hopefully he'll piss right off again"

/\ what the women in your life are thinking when you invade a female space

"End of". Is that the forum equivalent of speaking louder whilst vigorously mansplaining?

I was imagining him banging his dick on the table like a gavel.

If its a parents room or a feeding room then clearly any parent or carer has the right to go there and feed their child. You shouldn't expect total privacy.
If it is a breastfeeding room then the only people in there should be women breastfeeding and children. No men, no extra women. I'm sure the women who want privacy don't want sisters /friends/mums gawping at them either.

It isn't difficult. If shops want to provide these spaces they should clearly label them so that people know where they can and can't go.

It isn't difficult. If shops want to provide these spaces they should clearly label them so that people know where they can and can't go

Seems to me that the bigger issue is the provision of women-only breastfeeding places - maybe as well as feeding spaces.

With all the fantastic pert boobs available to men, engorged, heavily veined heavy boobs will be in the minority I would have thought.

We are educating women breast is best when it can be done, so why assume men are getting off on women sitting in the middle of a store, shop doing this. It says more about your men than mine.

Seems to me that the bigger issue is the provision of women-only breastfeeding places - maybe as well as feeding spaces.

Well, they're private companies, they don't have to provide anything. If they don't have the space for both, it might make sense to just have a general feeding area. But if it's clearly labelled as such then women who need privacy just won't use it and will shop/find somewhere else, and they won't unexpectedly be confronted with an audience.

And women desiring women only spaces are the ones to budge over yet again ...