To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

But some BF mothers may genuinely need their partners with them eg they have a physical disability or mobility impairment, and would rather have the baby's father there to help them than have to rely on there being some stranger there who is willing and able to help. And, if it's a combined feeding/changing area, there are going to be dads who are out with their babies but not with the mother, and these dads will need to use the space, too.

It might be preferable for such rooms to consist of individual cubicles, though, because some women would probably rather not have a tit out in front of anyone they don't know. But, as PP have said, insisting that fathers be banned from BF spaces altogether seems like manphobia carried to a bit of an extreme.

So either get over your personal discomfort at breastfeeding in front of a strange man or stay at home. Great support for mothers there!

That's not what i said but feel free to assume my opinions for me. Of course it would be lovely if shops provided guaranteed private spaces for breastfeeding mothers and its great if that's what they do. But i don't think it is. My understanding is that most of these rooms are provided as for parental use. Which means any parent. So with the current provisions, yes, it is unreasonable to exclude dads.

It never occurred to me not to have my DH in there with me. Oops.
Though I still would if I had another baby, even after this thread, as I am disabled so he'd be there to help me.
I saw other dads in that area too so it seemed the norm.

I'd have said that the place to feed in comfort was any coffee shop, and that priority for these rooms should be for those who want privacy.

Surely that depends whether JL say that that is the purpose of providing these rooms?

I don't really see how you can have an expectation of privacy when you take a baby out, given that the vast majority of shops and venues don't and can't offer separate rooms for everyone who fancies being private.

A while ago there was a long thread about breast feeding in public and doing it anywhere the bf ing mum wanted to, no matter how public.
Now this a thread about mums who want to bf in total privacy.
The advocates of the bf ing in public were so adamant that they did not give consideration to the shy bf mums.
Now bf mums are saying men should not be in the feeding rooms. My exh never once fed the baby (ff) but had I been out with baby and a feed was due I would look for privacy because the baby would not concentrate on the bottle if there was anything interesting going on round about. If I had a DH who was capable of administering ff bottle he would be best to go into such a place for the sake of getting baby fed.
It is difficult to please everyone

I used these feeding rooms loads when my dc were little. I was not totally comfortable at first feeding somewhere out in public so would go to the feeding room with my DH to feed DC. It would be totally daft when out together as a family to say that DH had to stand outside for however long it took to feed a young baby.
I see these rooms as a place where it is presumed that everyone using them will be understanding of the needs of new mums and babies and hence it is a much less intimidating environment to ease mums into feeding in public.
In a couple of months I was confident to feed in cafes etc if necessary but not at the beginning and, as a shy person, I appreciated having my DH with me.

... apart from the fact that they don't have breasts

Irrelevant for a baby feeding area.

Eh? Do you never bf in public OP? Why does it matter who's in there, as long as they're not staring at you in an inappropriate manner.

It’s not up to you to tell a breastfeeding mother whether or not she should feel comfortable feeding in front of men. For some women a glance from a strange man, while she’s repositioning her breast is enough to cause discomfort. You don’t get to choose her boundaries for her. She has the right to decide for herself.

There are also women who, for religious reasons won’t want to feed in front of a man. That’s their right to feel like that. Unless a man is actually feeding a child, then he should have the consideration and manners to stay out.

I'm not comfortable with the provision of a separate space at all if the implication is that breastfeeding mothers should be hiding away
There’s no implication that breastfeeding should be hidden. Some women choose to breastfeed in private for personal reasons, for modesty, or for religious reasons etc. They should be able to make that choice to breastfeed in public or private as they wish. They shouldn’t have to make a choice between public feeding or being trapped at home.

If you don't have a problem feeding in public then why are you in a room hiding behind a curtain and gobbing off that there's nothing to be embarrassed about and your men should be allowed in. Take your bloody chair and sit in the middle of the shop feeding with your man if you're not bothered and leave the private facilities to those that need them. You know not everyone wants to get their tits out in public for many of different reasons.

If you don't have a problem feeding in public then why are you in a room hiding behind a curtain and gobbing off that there's nothing to be embarrassed about and your men should be allowed in. Take your bloody chair and sit in the middle of the shop feeding with your man if you're not bothered and leave the private facilities to those that need them. You know not everyone wants to get their tits out in public for many of different reasons.

Men shouldn't be in breastfeeding rooms in shops. If it's just a feeding room then that's different. But it's pretty obvious that a mother who wants to bf in a separate room isn't wanting an audience.

I can see the case for having rooms set aside for feeding babies, by whatever method, and by whichever parent, mother or father. Yes. But breastfeeding is different from bottle feeding, especially for a new first-time mother. And a dedicated area for breastfeeding mothers should mean just that - breastfeeding mothers only.

The suggestion that breastfeeding mothers should be locked up at home is disgusting.

Yes, there are some women that need help from their husbands/partners to breastfeed due to disabilities, but surely it would be good manners to see if any other women already there, are comfortable with that. They can say if they’re ok with that, or ask that you wait until they get into a more comfortable/private position or leave. Men should not go into a room that a woman may have chosen to breastfeed in, without taking those women’s needs/feelings into consideration. Their rights to not have someone assume they’re ok with a male being present, should over ride their wish to enter that room.

Maybe the answer is to have a private, curtained area specifically for mothers to feed, that wish to have privacy. It could be labelled as such. Though any other women present should be afforded privacy if they wish it.

YANBU. Why do the men need to go into the room, what is so urgent they need to speak to their partner face to face?

Y'all just going to ignore the comments about many disabled mums needing their DHs there? Shall we stay at home so we dont inconvenience you? Just keep that in mine if you see a dad, you dont know if there's a permanent disability or even medical reasons from having given birth (c-section etc).

YABU - most spaces have a section for each Mum where they can close off the room or choose to leave it open.

I probably wouldn't encourage my DH to come and sit beside me if it was a really open space with other women in there but personally I wouldn't bat an eyelid at another couple who did.

If it's a 'baby room' as opposed to a 'feeding room' then you are very unfair - men are parents too and usually my husband is the chief baby changer after I feed.

What about babies that have bottles, should men abstain from feeding rooms completely and send only the babies mum/grandma etc in?

But we don't know your DH. He is probably lovely; but plenty of fathers are not. For all we know, he is an abusive bastard and part of his abuse of you is that he refuses to let you out of his sight - even in a mother and baby breastfeeding area. Where he can also perpetrate his abuse on other breastfeeding mothers.