To think that men shouldn't come into breastfeeding rooms

[Lycidas]

I occasionally use the John Lewis feeding room (mainly for the delightful motion of the rocking chair), and I've noticed that men tend to enter quite often in order to chat to their partners, even when there are other women feeding in there. There are three chairs in total. The feeding area is separated from the wider changing room by a curtain, which suggests that there should be some degree of privacy for self-conscious women.

Fair enough, the men who tend to go in will make a conscious effort to just face their partners, but I still find it mildly uncomfortable to have them in there, and a distraction from the whole experience tbh, looking up, covering just 'in case', which I don't particularly want to be doing in a changing room. If I wanted to be faffing about with a muslin I may well just feed outside as normal.

AIBU?

Bloody hell. Lets block men from anywhere in case they're abusive bastards.

Er no. It's about some women wanting to breast feed in privacy in a 'breast feeding' area.

Does the man's right to sit with his partner trump the woman's to breast feed in privacy?

Men have proved to be responsible for 98% of all sexual violence - so yes - keep men out of spaces where women are vulnerable, e.g. where they have a boob out because they are breastfeeding a young baby.

In addition to deleteandrewind says about women wanting privacy in a breastfeeding area.

I'd have said that the place to feed in comfort was any coffee shop, and that priority for these rooms should be for those who want privacy.

Not necessarily. One of mine was super slow. Took forever. Never got the concept of efficiency. I had zero problems feeding in a cafe but felt very uncomfortable taking up a seat for well over an hour when I couldn’t have a hot drink while feeding and couldn’t exactly eat anything requiring cutlery etc.

Also, when the got a bit older they were super distracted by everything so then feeding took just as long as they pulled off to look around at anything and everything that moved. I even used to pray for boring curtains in feeding rooms rather than the colourful ones with kiddie pictures. They have ADHD and I believe it was obvious from birth but what do I know.

I always had my DH come into the feeding area with me for at least part of the time as for a good hour it was extremely boring sitting there feeding. If around lunch I would get him to go off and get a piece of sushi or something able to eat while feeding and bring it back for me. My DH couldn’t have been less interested in looking at feeding women’s boobs if you paid him. Why would someone else’s hang up’s trump someone else’s right to sanity/food/company?

Okay, so fuck disabled women who breastfeed?

Unless they check with the other woman thats its okay if a man is there. Otherwise...fuck off? Go home and stay there?

And I see what people are saying about management of disability, too. In our case, our child was disabled, which became more difficult as time went on. Still meant we had no need to gatecrash women's set-aside breastfeeding areas, though.

OvO if the disabled mother isn't embarrassed about feeding in front of others then there are many places she and her dh can sit to breastfeed.
And if she is embarrassed to feed in front of others, then why is it ok to make another mother have to feed in front of her husband?

Why would someone else’s hang up’s trump someone else’s right to sanity/food/company?
Seriously? you can't see what's wrong with that question?

I breastfed both my children and would never of done this in public so also used feeding rooms, my car etc I would of been mortified if a man had come in, my Dh would never do this

Iggi, i'd use the feeding area, even though not embarrassed, as it has the more comfy chairs and as its in the parents room all the baby change and toilets (disabled loo is in the parents room) so everything near at hand. I'd never want to make anyone embarrassed. I'd support having a dew cubicles or similar for total privacy. But i'm not going to ask permission for my DH to sit with me in a feeding area. I have an actual NEED for him to be there.

I had my DC's 30 years ago and I am really baffled by women nowadays who seem incapable of parenting without the help of their partner.
Partners were not in post birth wards, they did not get paternity leave, and they didn't need to help with breastfeeding.
Just woman up and be a capable mother for god's sake!

I'll try to be less disabled, Red. 😆

HoppingPavlova, did you ever consider the feelings and experiences of other women using the women's breastfeeding space? Other women's reasons for not wanting to be in the presence of strange men while breastfeeding?

As I said, once I had it sorted, I was happy breastfeeding on park benches. But the first few months - the Mothercare mother and baby breastfeeeding space was essential.

I'm torn on this one.

Men need access to a changing table, so if it's that sort of room then you're being a bit unreasonable imo.

Men don't need access to a sole feeding room. We bottle fed and I have no idea why we would need a private room for that. Baby in a pram with a bottle is fine, no one has ever been offended by that.

The last issue is people with multiple children. If the mother has a baby and toddler or twins, then she needs help. It's not unreasonable for her to have a partner there.

I also remember the conversations that would strike up, between mothers breastfeeding their babies. Some very helpful advice exchanged, sometimes. That would not have happened in the presence of men, however nice!

The last issue is people with multiple children. If the mother has a baby and toddler or twins, then she needs help. It's not unreasonable for her to have a partner there.

In that situation, Mum goes into the breastfeeding area, and Dad stays somewhere outside with the other children. That is reasonable, surely?

Never seen a breastfeeding room, just feeding/changing room

The fact that you never noticed them does not mean that they do not exist!

In our JL you also have to walk through the feeding room so men have not much choice. The feeding room is also often used by bottle fed babies and parents.. I belive its a feeding room. Not particularly breastfeeding room?

In that situation, Mum goes into the breastfeeding area, and Dad stays somewhere outside with the other children. That is reasonable, surely?

Some women tandem feed (might be due to lack of time or they purposely sync feeds so they can have more sleep at night). If you have one baby feeding then you might need help to have the other baby physically passed over to you from the pram or wherever.