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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to suspect DH of cheating?

336 replies

girlsgonetame · 05/08/2019 18:01

NC'd for this for obvious reasons.

I think my husband is cheating on me but I have absolutely no evidence to back this up. Not sure if I am just going mad! Need you ladies (and gents) to give me some clear headed perspective.

Recently (don't know when but within last year or so) a stunningly gorgeous (very young, 20's) lady has started working at the same company as my DH (51!) I've just got a nasty, niggling feeling.

DH has form for being flirty so not difficult to imagine this new girl has caught his eye.

His behaviour has changed. I can't put my finger on it or even explain it but it has. He was always secretive with his phone but a few months ago he got a new one and has put on a password that I don't know. Before that I did have a snoop through and saw that he had made WhatsApp calls to this girl from work. I knew it was her because of her picture but she was saved in his phone as "Steve Work". No texts, I assume deleted! Not many calls, about 3 over the space of several months. Could be work related.

He also won't tell me anything about this girl, don't even know her name (pretty sure it's not Steve!). Tried casually asking questions but he shrugs me off, says he doesn't know, changes the subject?!

I do sound crazy! Tell me I am not crazy. Or that I am crazy! What do you think, wise mumsnetters?!

OP posts:
basicwitches · 05/08/2019 18:03

I'd say you're not crazy.. especially having her saved under steve!

Cloudyapples · 05/08/2019 18:03

Trust your instinct but try to be subtle with your info gathering - don’t make him suspicious or you’ll never find the evidence

catgirl1976 · 05/08/2019 18:04

The phone thing is dodgy.

Without being rude though do you think a gorgeous young woman in her 20s would be interested in your DH?

However given the phone stuff I think at the least he has been sending her inappropriate messages regardless of whether or not she welcomes them. YANBU

31RueCambon · 05/08/2019 18:05

He has saved her number as "Steve" 😯

OpenYourEyes · 05/08/2019 18:06

Would this beautiful early 20s woman be interested in a man twice her age?

I think he may be trying it on but probably embarrassing himself.

GirlsBlouse17 · 05/08/2019 18:07

Hi OP is there any likelihood that a woman in her 20s could be interested in your 51 year old husband?

31RueCambon · 05/08/2019 18:08

He doesnt care what you think. He has no respect for you. He just wants to carry on flirting. If you daid she was mid 30s i wouldnt be naive enough to say is she interested in a married 51 year old, but a gorgeous girl in her early 20s is unlikely to want him as a bf? Maybe he is just making an ass of himself flirting with her. Either way it is such aturn off.

Original poster
girlsgonetame · 05/08/2019 18:09

Hi thanks for all the replies. He is still really attractive for his age and can be quite charming/flirty. Hopefully she wouldn't be interested! But I can't say for sure.

Just got no idea where to go from here or how to find out more?

OP posts:
IAskTooManyQuestions · 05/08/2019 18:09

I know a woman called 'Steve' - absolutely no idea what her real name is, Stephanie I think .

I do echo, unless your DH looks like a proper silver fox sex god, why do you think she would be interested in him? is he in a position to further her career ?

There has to be more to it - staying out?

Original poster
girlsgonetame · 05/08/2019 18:09

Hi thanks for all the replies. He is still really attractive for his age and can be quite charming/flirty. Hopefully she wouldn't be interested! But I can't say for sure.

Just got no idea where to go from here or how to find out more?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 05/08/2019 18:13

He doesn’t sound particularly trustworthy BUT when I was a gorgeous 20-something (a loooong time ago!) I’d have found it incredibly insulting if some middle-aged creep’s wife thought it possible that I’d be interested in someone like that

Bobblebop · 05/08/2019 18:18

I would say you don’t sound completely crazy.
The phone thing, is it possible it’s a company phone that used to belong to Steve, he’s left, it’s been given to her and your dh just hasn’t bothered to change it his phone?

allymcn · 05/08/2019 18:18

Steve has maybe set his profile picture as his GF or wife or something to show her off maybe? Was the girl in the picture definitely the new girl at work?

allymcn · 05/08/2019 18:18

Steve has maybe set his profile picture as his GF or wife or something to show her off maybe? Was the girl in the picture definitely the new girl at work?

Jasonh · 05/08/2019 18:18

As a man I can confirm we are quite stupid and a lot of our thinking comes from our pants and not our brain. Pretty much all of my male friends have cheated on their women at some point.
That being said, Some have always been faithful as have I to my DW, because I love her and we have a good relationship.
I’d suggest to just tell him how you feel, he will prob say you are crazy etc, but tell him you need to be reassured anyway. My wife has been jealous of female friends I have /had but it’s human nature, no ones perfect.
If it was me I’d make more of an effort to show I am committed.
This won’t get better on its own, it’ll poss you off more and more so you may as well get it over with and confront him.

31RueCambon · 05/08/2019 18:19

If he is high up in the company she could well just enjoy his attention. But I would be so turned off by the prioritisation of an ego-inflating flirtation over a real marriage, id be turned right off.

ElizabethMountbatten · 05/08/2019 18:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

Cannyhandleit · 05/08/2019 18:21

I worked with a female Stevie, we all called her Steve, she was saved in my phone as 'Steve work'

Cannyhandleit · 05/08/2019 18:21

I worked with a female Stevie, we all called her Steve, she was saved in my phone as 'Steve work'

Highfivemum · 05/08/2019 18:23

You need to have the conversation with him. Then it’s ur choice whatever answer you get whether to believe him.

GoGoGoGoGo · 05/08/2019 18:24

I don’t think you’re being crazy. I think you need to do some more digging.

Wafflecopter · 05/08/2019 18:28

Ask him if he has a thing for her, I’m pretty sure his reply will give you a very good indication.
If you’re unhappy about his flirting/ behaviour, and he hasn’t stopped or toned it down, I’m not sure why you’re putting up with it though?

MarieG10 · 05/08/2019 18:32

You are NBU. Perhaps start with asking why his phone is locked with a password you don't know. There is no reason why either of you should have phones with passwords you don't both know. The only exception to this I guess is if your DH has a second work phone which has security on it for work. My DH did for a while and they were never allowed to disclose passwords.

MarieG10 · 05/08/2019 18:32

You are NBU. Perhaps start with asking why his phone is locked with a password you don't know. There is no reason why either of you should have phones with passwords you don't both know. The only exception to this I guess is if your DH has a second work phone which has security on it for work. My DH did for a while and they were never allowed to disclose passwords.

MarieG10 · 05/08/2019 18:32

You are NBU. Perhaps start with asking why his phone is locked with a password you don't know. There is no reason why either of you should have phones with passwords you don't both know. The only exception to this I guess is if your DH has a second work phone which has security on it for work. My DH did for a while and they were never allowed to disclose passwords.

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