Aibu to suspect DH of cheating?

[girlsgonetame]

NC'd for this for obvious reasons.

I think my husband is cheating on me but I have absolutely no evidence to back this up. Not sure if I am just going mad! Need you ladies (and gents) to give me some clear headed perspective.

Recently (don't know when but within last year or so) a stunningly gorgeous (very young, 20's) lady has started working at the same company as my DH (51!) I've just got a nasty, niggling feeling.

DH has form for being flirty so not difficult to imagine this new girl has caught his eye.

His behaviour has changed. I can't put my finger on it or even explain it but it has. He was always secretive with his phone but a few months ago he got a new one and has put on a password that I don't know. Before that I did have a snoop through and saw that he had made WhatsApp calls to this girl from work. I knew it was her because of her picture but she was saved in his phone as "Steve Work". No texts, I assume deleted! Not many calls, about 3 over the space of several months. Could be work related.

He also won't tell me anything about this girl, don't even know her name (pretty sure it's not Steve!). Tried casually asking questions but he shrugs me off, says he doesn't know, changes the subject?!

I do sound crazy! Tell me I am not crazy. Or that I am crazy! What do you think, wise mumsnetters?!

Don't let him know that you suspect this, or he will be more careful cover his tracks

I already know the words that are going to come out of his mouth before I even ask

I take it you've had suspicions in the past then?

Oh no OP! She'll be able to tell that you've seen her 'story' even though you've blocked her now. There are ways to watch Instagram stories anonymously though. Personally, I wouldn't mention her to him or ask him about her until you've managed to have a snoop through the messages. He'll get suspicious of you asking to use his phone. He's never going to just admit that he's sleeping with her or that he has a thing for her and they like to flirt. You'll have to keep your cool while you dig. If it's completely innocent then you might end up pushing him away with accusations without evidence so be careful.

As a serial stalker on Instagram, I can confirm that you can look at someone’s story then block them and they will be none the wiser.., trust me- I’ve tested it many times on friends accounts 😈

A lot of people don’t even look at the story viewers anyway.

This doesn’t sound good OP, not one bit. I was going to say that Stevie is a female name and some go by Steve but you know she isn’t named that for a fact. The phone calls and changing his password isn’t sounding good at all. Has his behaviour changed at all? Less sex and affection, more moody, more care with his appearance than usual etc? Sometimes they go the other way with the guilt and start lavishing you with affection and gifts too.

I wouldn't say anything and I would just keep watching and digging
Its not like he is going to admit anything.
The steve from work is calling is a brilliant idea but would use probably as a last resort if you can't get into his phone
I too think there are women who would go for a older powerful rich guy but stunningly beautiful in your twenties there should be plenty of rich guys (if that is what you are into) in her own age range.

A lot of people don’t even look at the story viewers anyway.

It’s the most interesting bit! Especially if your non-followers have stalked you especially

@Bunnica15 oooh thanks! I didn't know blocking worked! Will they remain non the wiser as long as they're blocked or will it come up if you unblock them? I've never tried this way. I love a bit of insta-stalking! 🤫

How would that "Steve is calling" thing work? Surely he'll see he has no missed/accepted call when he gets out shower and you'll look insane?

sounds dodgy as fuck, even before the new phone thing, him being secretive with his phone, innocent people aren't secretive of their phones

Just as a side note, plenty of younger women have affairs with older guys, as gross as that is

@AGenericUsername
So this is how it works... view the story, then block them. You will not show up that you have viewed the story whilst you have them blocked.
You can unblock after 24hours when the story disappears and they will never know you looked.. however unblocking is crucial for future story viewing... just always remember to block after viewing!!!

Urgh I bet my ex is using that blocking tip. He keeps making new fake profiles to look at my stories the massive weirdo.

@AGenericUsername by the way, had to change my user name as I use it for lots of things and couldn’t risk anyone recognising it and revealing to the person I stalk what I’m up too 👀

Also, as a side note.. if you get a message on WhatsApp that you want to read, without the person knowing you’ve read it (getting the blue tick) go into airplane mode- read message come off WhatsApp and take airplane mode off.. they won’t know you’ve read the message. When you go on later to read the message and are happy for said person to know you’ve read the message the messages will appear read only then.

Yes, I do need to get a life 👁

Stevie Nicks? Paul Temple’s wife was Steve.

@thisnamechanger unlikely he’s doing the blocking thing if he’s gone to the effort of creating fake accounts.. if you’re public, unfortunately anyone can read your story. Just make it private unless you use Instagram for followers based work

God I can't believe people are egging you on op.

This is beyond batshit.

Yanbu. Could be he’s having a mid life crises, just trying to look sharp and chat up the ladies to prove he’s “still got it”. He may well be making an ass of himself, or she could be shagging the boss, or neither, who knows.

I like the ideas of checking the phone before saying anything.

So, let your phone die and (while away from your charger ie out, no charger in the car etc) do the ‘damn, my phones died can I borrow yours for two secs’ routine. (Have a genuine sounding reason ready, prepare that first, he will ask what’s so urgent you can’t wait til you get home. Be ready, could be something like an item closing on eBay shortly that you forgot to bid on but really want as it’s a bargain (research first, be prepared) or something else plausible?
Or Just watch over his shoulder and see his password the next time he logs into his phone, wait til he’s out the room/in the shower and have a nosey.
Failing that ask him his password and if he says no, ask “why not, we have no secrets”. That one will lead you into a major argybargy though as he will kick off big time if he feels you’ve rumbled him. But I think that’s a convo that will have to happen at some point. It’s the not knowing that sucks as it leaves you in no mans land.

He also won't tell me anything about this girl, don't even know her name (pretty sure it's not Steve!)
Well you know he knows her name, if he has been talking to her. You don't have WhatsApp conversation with someone you don't know the name of. The phone belonging to an an old Steve doesn't stand either, again, iglf you speak with someone, you'd amend their name.

So there is no doubt whatsoever that something happened. What you don't know is whethercthey had a few words, some flirting and then both agreed to stop there, or they are having a full on affair or seething in between.

Either way, why would he come clean just because you ask him! You need to be patient. If I were you, I'd tell him that you think it would be a good idea to download an app to be able to tell wherever you are. Id googled a story how this saved someone life and say you came across that article. If he refuses, I would pester and ask why it is a problem for him when you have no issue yourself to share your location. Ask him at that point his mobile password. If he refuses both, it is pretty justified to challenge him full on.

If he agrees, spy on him!

Stampy84 I keep it public because I like sharing hobby inspo pix. I don't particularly care that he's looking, just think it's sad nearly 4 years later given we are NC. There was a time he watched every single story I uploaded even though he didn't follow me (or anyone, supposedly an unused account). So I messaged one day saying "top insta tip: did you know it shows you who has watched your Instagram stories?". He never replied, knowing him I except he was mortified. Then after I blocked him really crap allias accounts started watching my stories too (think Jack Smith instead of John Smith). Feel a bit sorry for his GF as I know his dodgey internet habits and this sort of thing is the tip of the crapberg!

Fairly sure that the account holders in WhatsApp set their own names, not the holder of the phone (so she would have set her name as Steve, not your H). And there are plenty of Stephanies who go by Steve/Stevie.

Sorry if someone has already mentioned this, haven't had time to read through all the replies.

I wouldn't talk to him about it- especially as he's about to go away for work.
( as in- if something is happening, then he'll just get extra secretive)

I wouldn’t talk to him as it will make him hide anything further. I would dig instead.

I've just changed my husband's name in Whatsapp, so he may well have deliberately changed it to Steve.

It does sound as if something is up, even if it is 'just' that he fancies her.

I hope you find some answers OP

Steve is a nickname for Stephanie. So that could be the name she goes by.

Only read up to page 2, and I am sure someone will have mentioned to the pp that some 20 somethings do date 50 somethings as there has been a thread on here for days about some chef bloke .