Aibu to suspect DH of cheating?

[girlsgonetame]

NC'd for this for obvious reasons.

I think my husband is cheating on me but I have absolutely no evidence to back this up. Not sure if I am just going mad! Need you ladies (and gents) to give me some clear headed perspective.

Recently (don't know when but within last year or so) a stunningly gorgeous (very young, 20's) lady has started working at the same company as my DH (51!) I've just got a nasty, niggling feeling.

DH has form for being flirty so not difficult to imagine this new girl has caught his eye.

His behaviour has changed. I can't put my finger on it or even explain it but it has. He was always secretive with his phone but a few months ago he got a new one and has put on a password that I don't know. Before that I did have a snoop through and saw that he had made WhatsApp calls to this girl from work. I knew it was her because of her picture but she was saved in his phone as "Steve Work". No texts, I assume deleted! Not many calls, about 3 over the space of several months. Could be work related.

He also won't tell me anything about this girl, don't even know her name (pretty sure it's not Steve!). Tried casually asking questions but he shrugs me off, says he doesn't know, changes the subject?!

I do sound crazy! Tell me I am not crazy. Or that I am crazy! What do you think, wise mumsnetters?!

In the past (and I’m not proud of it, it was in a long ago relationship though) I saved a mans name in my phone as a woman’s name. I did it because I was getting up to no good. Obviously not everyone behaves as appallingly as I did, but it happens.

He sounds like my boss. Urgh. You've given him space to act even more single.
Your marriage is never going to be fixed.
It's your kids I feel sorry for.

Lemoneeza - if he's determined to act single, he will. Don't blame the OP for what her H does now. Hopefully, he'll have a shock and realise what he could be losing. OR, OP will realise what she is gaining form him being gone - a sense of self-worth.

@supersop60 not blaming OP at all, just thinking thats what her husband will interpret it as.

I have had a productive day. I have booked to speak to a professional about my issues around trust and jealousy. I've deleted my Instagram app. I've had a long talk with my friend about it all. I've had a long walk by myself. I've cried quite a bit. I've had too much tea. H coming to collect a few bits in an hour or so so I am going to take myself away before I end up crying and saying things that won't be good or helpful. We are going to talk again at the weekend and not before. Thanks for the help people have tried to give.

Regarding where he was until 5am - in town. That's as much as I know.

If he wants to act single that's his choice. I would rather he didn't but it would at least be definitive. No more limbo.

Where was he til 5am? Probably a club. Most if them don't close until 4 am and then you have to get a kebab or subway on the way home.

I don't think it's about your issues... see previous post about DARVO.

Look, in my opinion too many married men go around acting like they are single. It sounds like your DH is one of them!

My Dad had affairs with women in their 20s when he was well into his 60s. It was a power thing so I don’t think the looks/age discrepancy things matters at all.

One of my uncles ditched his wife of 30 odd years, and married a woman in her early 20s, when he was in his late 50s. They also had a baby, but the marriage didn't last, and he ended up with another woman around his own age.
He was a millionaire, owned lots of farmland, had a gorgeous Georgian farmhouse, and a boat large enough to have a washing machine. (I never saw the boat, but my mum did, and she mentioned that it was a big boat which even had a washing machine, so it wasn't just a little fishing boat!)

I suspect money was the attraction, as he was a grizzled looking farmer.